Happy belated Christmas! :)
With Passion 2012 fast approaching (6 days!!) I've begun to start thinking about the new year and what it holds for my life. Already I know it's going to be different because around this time last year, I was preparing to make my second trip to Boston for my Berklee audition.
This year is the year of school...at least the first half of it.
I start school in a week. Can you even believe it? After 2 (going on 3) years out of school, I'm finally jumping back into the game with a whole new plan in mind. It's kind of scary; having a plan and all. I'm always scared when I have a plan. Not that it will fail but that it will change and be out of my control. I mean, that's the point of a plan: to be in control of the situations, the elements and the outcome. Changing the plan or shifting the plan's controller or even scrapping the plan altogether is most definitely not in the plan...but you know, things happen. :shudder:
Another element of this year that I've been thinking about began formulating just the past couple of months. My friends and I have been in talks of taking a trip to Europe in the Spring/Summer. It is as exciting as it is terrifying. Those who have been to Europe or Type A people in general know what I'm talking about. Planning will be key, finances will have to be in order and things just have to be right unless we plan on roughing it through the continent (which I'm not completely against actually). Furthermore, this Europe trip has got me thinking about the rest of my life.
How does that correlate?
Well I'm glad you silently wondered that because I'm about to answer!
Mind you, I only just voiced this to my friends last night (and one of my best friends gave me some really fantastic advice by the way) but I've been thinking about this since last summer.
I've made it no secret that my heart is drawn to Europe. I know it's crazy because I've never been there but I've always felt a draw to Europe. So now I'm presented with the thought of where I should invest my life. I've already created a foundation here in America but now that I'm an adult, I have to begin creating a life for myself. As my friend pointed out, my mind is already European from the way I carry myself to my style of dress to my thought processes. However, now I have to decide if or when I need to begin to put my thoughts into actions.
Definitely begin to pray for me about these things. I definitely will be haha
Also pray that the Journey College group is safe as we travel to Atlanta on Monday. I'm so very excited and will try and keep updating here.
Till Next Time...
12.27.2011
11.07.2011
Wait-listed...
Oh man.
I feel like I have said that every day for the past couple of weeks. But it's so fitting!
Today I registered for my classes at WakeTech...albeit 2 classes but still, it's a start.
It's kind of surreal that after all the drama that I've gone through (and still going through btw. We'll get to that later) with schools that I'm finally stepping forward and getting more education. I know a lot of people aren't a big fan of that but that's why I always recommend waiting a while after you get out of high school to decide if this is really the path you want to take. I mean it's a really big step; don't take it lightly.
Anyways, yeah it's weird. I'm taking a Political Science class (SO WEIRD) and a General Psychology class. All, and I literally mean all, of the classes I was planning to take are either closed or waitlisted (including my English class which makes me sad...so sad). So better luck next semester I guess haha!
Oh! Back to the drama that is happening with my school.
So...
Anyone who has dealt with any section of the government knows that it is a pain in the ass to get anything done. There are enough forms with random numbers to drown you or make you want to give up halfway through. I am of course talking about Financial Aid! Yay.
I filled out my X900TYJSJD forms and sent them promptly through priority mail to the school about a month ago only to get an email from the school at the beginning of the month stating that I needed to fill them out AGAIN! How freaking fun is that, guys? And the kicker is that I got this email on the 2nd of November. The due date was on the 1st of November. Imagine my blind rage as I send strongly worded emails oddly devoid of obscenities to the Financial Aid office. It wasn't pretty.
In all of this, I was led right back to trusting God for things completely out of my hands and we all know how I love being in this position. But I have to admit that this time was harder than the others simply because I had said the same thing to God when I was dealing with Berklee. All of these old feelings of doubt and discouragement rose up and left me in a stupor for a couple days. It was only when I said, "screw it all. I can't control this so I'm just going to give this up. I don't need it despite what my head says" that I finally was allowed to be happy! I'm not saying it was easy at all but the older I get and the more experience I get, the more I find myself in situations causing me to trust God again. And He has worked it out as far as I am concerned. If I recall, all the classes I wanted to take are waitlisted and I'm only taking 2 which means less money I have to shuffle out!
Isn't God grand? I'm so glad that He's got my back even when I'm stupid :)
Till Next Time...
I feel like I have said that every day for the past couple of weeks. But it's so fitting!
Today I registered for my classes at WakeTech...albeit 2 classes but still, it's a start.
It's kind of surreal that after all the drama that I've gone through (and still going through btw. We'll get to that later) with schools that I'm finally stepping forward and getting more education. I know a lot of people aren't a big fan of that but that's why I always recommend waiting a while after you get out of high school to decide if this is really the path you want to take. I mean it's a really big step; don't take it lightly.
Anyways, yeah it's weird. I'm taking a Political Science class (SO WEIRD) and a General Psychology class. All, and I literally mean all, of the classes I was planning to take are either closed or waitlisted (including my English class which makes me sad...so sad). So better luck next semester I guess haha!
Oh! Back to the drama that is happening with my school.
So...
Anyone who has dealt with any section of the government knows that it is a pain in the ass to get anything done. There are enough forms with random numbers to drown you or make you want to give up halfway through. I am of course talking about Financial Aid! Yay.
I filled out my X900TYJSJD forms and sent them promptly through priority mail to the school about a month ago only to get an email from the school at the beginning of the month stating that I needed to fill them out AGAIN! How freaking fun is that, guys? And the kicker is that I got this email on the 2nd of November. The due date was on the 1st of November. Imagine my blind rage as I send strongly worded emails oddly devoid of obscenities to the Financial Aid office. It wasn't pretty.
In all of this, I was led right back to trusting God for things completely out of my hands and we all know how I love being in this position. But I have to admit that this time was harder than the others simply because I had said the same thing to God when I was dealing with Berklee. All of these old feelings of doubt and discouragement rose up and left me in a stupor for a couple days. It was only when I said, "screw it all. I can't control this so I'm just going to give this up. I don't need it despite what my head says" that I finally was allowed to be happy! I'm not saying it was easy at all but the older I get and the more experience I get, the more I find myself in situations causing me to trust God again. And He has worked it out as far as I am concerned. If I recall, all the classes I wanted to take are waitlisted and I'm only taking 2 which means less money I have to shuffle out!
Isn't God grand? I'm so glad that He's got my back even when I'm stupid :)
Till Next Time...
10.28.2011
Bel Far Niente
There are literally no words for how peaceful I am right now.
I decided a couple of weeks ago to go and visit my dearest friend in Greensboro for a weekend simply because I had missed her greatly. I knew she had school but still, just the intention of going away for a weekend was brilliant. As the date got closer I began to try and figure out things to do at like every second which isn't new for me. I like to do things. All the time.
Is it healthy? Absolutely not.
Was I going to try and do it anyways? Absolutely.
But sometime between planning and actually leaving I decided to say 'meh' to all of it and just...be.
Best decision of my life.
There is just something about just letting yourself be your only company. I think a lot of people have that problem especially in America. We are surrounded by things to capture our attention and we gravitate towards it like moths to a flame without even thinking. By the time we realize we haven't had any time to ourselves, we are too over-planned to do anything about it which is sad. I found myself in that situation and immediately thought, "there is no possible way I can sacrifice a weekend. I have this and this...etc."
But in these moments we have to stop and consider what we are doing to ourselves. Our bodies are a temple and the temple can't have any maintenance done to it if it is constantly doing things.
I decided a couple of weeks ago to go and visit my dearest friend in Greensboro for a weekend simply because I had missed her greatly. I knew she had school but still, just the intention of going away for a weekend was brilliant. As the date got closer I began to try and figure out things to do at like every second which isn't new for me. I like to do things. All the time.
Is it healthy? Absolutely not.
Was I going to try and do it anyways? Absolutely.
But sometime between planning and actually leaving I decided to say 'meh' to all of it and just...be.
Best decision of my life.
There is just something about just letting yourself be your only company. I think a lot of people have that problem especially in America. We are surrounded by things to capture our attention and we gravitate towards it like moths to a flame without even thinking. By the time we realize we haven't had any time to ourselves, we are too over-planned to do anything about it which is sad. I found myself in that situation and immediately thought, "there is no possible way I can sacrifice a weekend. I have this and this...etc."
But in these moments we have to stop and consider what we are doing to ourselves. Our bodies are a temple and the temple can't have any maintenance done to it if it is constantly doing things.
I was watching Eat, Pray, Love the other day (which is a great movie, at least the Italy part. Same thing with the book. Italy = the way to go) and there's a scene when the main character is sitting in a barber shop in Rome talking with some of her Italian friends and one of the men says something that was so beautiful. He says that there is a saying in Italian, "Bel far niente - the beauty of doing nothing". He says that Italians are masters of it. They know that there is a time for everything. Not just work.
So, in closing, treat yourself today. Make sure you are not overworking yourself and make some time to just be. Your body will thank you and you'll be happier because of it! :)
Till Next Time...
10.11.2011
Heart of a Worshiper...
I have a question.
If the mission of the Church is to be "fishers of men"; to go out into the world and preach of Christ's love and you are not doing any of it, how can you call yourself a church?
It's a legitimate question and I think it's a question we all need to ask ourselves as a body.
I feel like I'm writing all of this in reverse. The question wasn't the beginning but a result of what I witness no more than an hour or so ago.
I was at a rather traditional church with my family and some friends from Journey because an artist had asked my dad and two other women (who happen to go to Journey) to sing back-up for him.
Awesome!
It was something that they had done before at a church downtown and it was phenomenal so naturally I wanted to hear it again and support my daddy and my friends. The service began and I will admit, I was a little put off. But it came time for everyone to take the stage and my dad and the two ladies are sitting next to me in the audience!
I come to find out that the 'church' said to my dad and the other Journey ladies (really they only spoke to the artist and he relayed the information) and told them that they "weren't presentable" because the ladies happened to be wearing pants.
WHAT. IS. THAT.
To say that is ridiculous is an grand understatement. That is blatant ignorance and refusal let go of archaic rules. I could go on and on about women's rights to wear whatever the heck they want but this is the church. We are held to a different standard. Where in the Bible, God's holy word, does it say that women are only allowed to wear skirts and pretty dresses? I will kindly answer that for you so you don't waste your time Googling and searching biblegateway.com: the answer is NOWHERE.
In fact the Bible says the opposite. And I have to thank my beautiful friend Patience for sending me this perfect verse. In 1 Samuel 16:7 it says "But the Lord said to Samuel, "Do not consider his appearance or his height for I have rejected him. The Lord does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart,"
The heart of the worshiper. That's what God cares about. He doesn't look at whether you are wearing a hat, wearing a skirt or dress or if you have tattoos covering every single pore of your body. His desire is for relationship with you. He wants your heart.
And further, how are you reaching out and fulfilling the mission Jesus set for the church? We need to meet people where we are not stand on our pulpits and expect the world to change for us.
But I have to say that the saddest part of all of this is that while I was sitting next to the Journey ladies, they were singing to God as if nothing had happened because they knew it wasn't about them. They were there to worship God, not to put on a show. And God still worked in spite of everything because the woman sitting in front of us was in tears because the ladies' voices touched her heart.
Witnessing all of this makes me value the freedom that I have to worship in my jeans and my hat :)
Till Next Time...
If the mission of the Church is to be "fishers of men"; to go out into the world and preach of Christ's love and you are not doing any of it, how can you call yourself a church?
It's a legitimate question and I think it's a question we all need to ask ourselves as a body.
I feel like I'm writing all of this in reverse. The question wasn't the beginning but a result of what I witness no more than an hour or so ago.
I was at a rather traditional church with my family and some friends from Journey because an artist had asked my dad and two other women (who happen to go to Journey) to sing back-up for him.
Awesome!
It was something that they had done before at a church downtown and it was phenomenal so naturally I wanted to hear it again and support my daddy and my friends. The service began and I will admit, I was a little put off. But it came time for everyone to take the stage and my dad and the two ladies are sitting next to me in the audience!
I come to find out that the 'church' said to my dad and the other Journey ladies (really they only spoke to the artist and he relayed the information) and told them that they "weren't presentable" because the ladies happened to be wearing pants.
WHAT. IS. THAT.
To say that is ridiculous is an grand understatement. That is blatant ignorance and refusal let go of archaic rules. I could go on and on about women's rights to wear whatever the heck they want but this is the church. We are held to a different standard. Where in the Bible, God's holy word, does it say that women are only allowed to wear skirts and pretty dresses? I will kindly answer that for you so you don't waste your time Googling and searching biblegateway.com: the answer is NOWHERE.
In fact the Bible says the opposite. And I have to thank my beautiful friend Patience for sending me this perfect verse. In 1 Samuel 16:7 it says "But the Lord said to Samuel, "Do not consider his appearance or his height for I have rejected him. The Lord does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart,"
The heart of the worshiper. That's what God cares about. He doesn't look at whether you are wearing a hat, wearing a skirt or dress or if you have tattoos covering every single pore of your body. His desire is for relationship with you. He wants your heart.
And further, how are you reaching out and fulfilling the mission Jesus set for the church? We need to meet people where we are not stand on our pulpits and expect the world to change for us.
But I have to say that the saddest part of all of this is that while I was sitting next to the Journey ladies, they were singing to God as if nothing had happened because they knew it wasn't about them. They were there to worship God, not to put on a show. And God still worked in spite of everything because the woman sitting in front of us was in tears because the ladies' voices touched her heart.
Witnessing all of this makes me value the freedom that I have to worship in my jeans and my hat :)
Till Next Time...
9.27.2011
The Roundabout
I think I've got it now!
Okay so earlier this month (or maybe it was last month?) I finally realized where I wanted to be. And it wasn't the place I expected to be but somehow I always knew it was where I would end up. I shall explain and cease being cryptic.
In my college small group a while ago we were talking about what we wanted to be as kids and what we want to be now. The latter question always freak me out. Don't ask me why. I'm just weird.
Peoples' "kid" answers varied from astronaut to elephant and their "now" answers varied from still deciding to travelling the globe.
Anyways, it came to be my turn. "When I was a kid I wanted to be a scientist, then wanted to be an astronomer. That didn't last long. Then I wanted to be psychologist."
I could already feel the pressure as I got closer to the question that has beenhaunting simmering in me for the longest time. "What do you want to do now?"
I just opened my mouth and said the first thing that came in my head.
It wasn't a scientist, for that required me to know things I was not good at.
It wasn't an astronomer because I mean really...
It wasn't a psychologist, for I found out I wouldn't legally see my first patient till I was 30 and it turns out that I don't have as much patience for people's problems as I originally thought...
And it wasn't even music even though I love playing music and will probably continue throughout my life.
"I want to be a journalist. I want to write and travel the world."
Well that was easy.
But in was literally in that moment that everything just kind of fell into place. I've been writing since I was little and it has been one of the most constant things in my life. I never really thought that I could do this as a career because to me it was fun! It came naturally to me and it was, and still is, the best way that I communicate to people. It makes sense!
And it turns out that 2 of my very best friends are going to be studying that same field so how cool is that?! I want to say that God gave me such a grand revelation but really, He gave me that passion to me a long time ago. It just took over 10 years to realize it. Haha! How crazy is that? That God gives us things and takes us on the roundabout way only to bring us to the place where we can tell ourselves that this is what we want and what we've always wanted. That's God's perfect timing once again because I would have never admitted to myself that I wanted to be a journalist a year ago or even 2 years ago. But all it took was one person saying, "you're good at this. You should look into moving forward with writing" for me to begin to mull it over and then for my college group leader to ask that question that scared me for so long.
So! After all of this, I have taken the steps towards journalism knowing that God's got this. I have submitted my application to Wake Tech for the spring semester in their transfer program. (NEVER thought that would happen...) I'm still in the process of admission but after that is over I will be taking online classes (thanks Shelbs for piquing me to that information :)). After I finish the transfer program I will transfer my credits to UNC for their journalism degree! Just writing that makes me smile! :D
Please continue to pray for me. Pray that I don't lose sight of God in the midst of all this paperwork and that I always remember that God's got this! Thanks!
Till Next Time...
Okay so earlier this month (or maybe it was last month?) I finally realized where I wanted to be. And it wasn't the place I expected to be but somehow I always knew it was where I would end up. I shall explain and cease being cryptic.
In my college small group a while ago we were talking about what we wanted to be as kids and what we want to be now. The latter question always freak me out. Don't ask me why. I'm just weird.
Peoples' "kid" answers varied from astronaut to elephant and their "now" answers varied from still deciding to travelling the globe.
Anyways, it came to be my turn. "When I was a kid I wanted to be a scientist, then wanted to be an astronomer. That didn't last long. Then I wanted to be psychologist."
I could already feel the pressure as I got closer to the question that has been
I just opened my mouth and said the first thing that came in my head.
It wasn't a scientist, for that required me to know things I was not good at.
It wasn't an astronomer because I mean really...
It wasn't a psychologist, for I found out I wouldn't legally see my first patient till I was 30 and it turns out that I don't have as much patience for people's problems as I originally thought...
And it wasn't even music even though I love playing music and will probably continue throughout my life.
"I want to be a journalist. I want to write and travel the world."
Well that was easy.
But in was literally in that moment that everything just kind of fell into place. I've been writing since I was little and it has been one of the most constant things in my life. I never really thought that I could do this as a career because to me it was fun! It came naturally to me and it was, and still is, the best way that I communicate to people. It makes sense!
And it turns out that 2 of my very best friends are going to be studying that same field so how cool is that?! I want to say that God gave me such a grand revelation but really, He gave me that passion to me a long time ago. It just took over 10 years to realize it. Haha! How crazy is that? That God gives us things and takes us on the roundabout way only to bring us to the place where we can tell ourselves that this is what we want and what we've always wanted. That's God's perfect timing once again because I would have never admitted to myself that I wanted to be a journalist a year ago or even 2 years ago. But all it took was one person saying, "you're good at this. You should look into moving forward with writing" for me to begin to mull it over and then for my college group leader to ask that question that scared me for so long.
So! After all of this, I have taken the steps towards journalism knowing that God's got this. I have submitted my application to Wake Tech for the spring semester in their transfer program. (NEVER thought that would happen...) I'm still in the process of admission but after that is over I will be taking online classes (thanks Shelbs for piquing me to that information :)). After I finish the transfer program I will transfer my credits to UNC for their journalism degree! Just writing that makes me smile! :D
Please continue to pray for me. Pray that I don't lose sight of God in the midst of all this paperwork and that I always remember that God's got this! Thanks!
Till Next Time...
9.10.2011
One Word...
Love.
This word and its meaning has been brewing in me for a week now.
Let me first back up and explain.
On Monday at my church's college group, our college pastor spoke on love and the Hebrew words for love. Now I had always heard about the Greek words for love ( agape, eros and philia) but no one has ever spoken about the Hebrew words.
Anyways, the Hebrew words for love are Raw-Aw - which is like the root of love; where all love stems from; when you can truly see a person in all their crap and still love them.
A-Hab-Ba - which is a deep affection; like "there's no other place I would rather be than with you" kind of love
And then there is Dode - which is the "mingling of souls". There's really no other way to describe it other than that.
I found these words fascinating 1. because I had never been taught them and 2. because they were all so deep. There wasn't a love that was just flippant. All the words had a commitment. They required a fair amount of sacrifice to use.
It really got me thinking about how I use the word 'love'. I've become so flippant with my usage that its become trivial. At least to other people it will sound trivial. I mean, what if I were talking about my favorite band (which is The Reign of Kindo right now. Fun Steven fact for ya) and about how much I love them and then turned to my best friends and say I love them too. I most certainly don't love my friends like I love The Reign of Kindo and they know that but still! They would never know the true value in that word when I use it.
A lot of us at this point would start to say, "I wish there was another word of love so we could differentiate". Which I totally agree with but we have to be realistic. We cannot change the English language. That's ridiculous. So because we cannot change the word for love in English our only alternative is to be cautious. We need to be mindful of what we say and how we say it.
We have one word for love.
It needs to count for something more.
Furthermore, in 1 John 4:8 it says "...whoever does not love, does not know God because God is Love..." So not only is the word love more than how we use it for everyday things, it's actually a descriptor of God Himself. In my head, that makes it even more sacred. And it kind of convicts me because if our Holy God chose that word to describe Himself then the last thing I should be doing is throwing it around every which way.
All in all, I felt like I needed to share that simply because it's been weighing on me and challenging me in how I convey my feelings. I don't want my words to mean nothing. When I speak there ought to be impact.
I hope this challenges anyone who is reading this on the interwebs to be careful what you say and how you say it and what your words actual mean when you say them. When you speak, it shouldn't be "a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal" it should strike to the heart and cause change. Our words are powerful, let's not take them for granted. Remember that God spoke the world in existence using words; "the Word was with God and the Word was God" and that the Word resides inside of us. With this knowledge, just imagine what our words can create in people's hearts and minds.
Till Next Time...
This word and its meaning has been brewing in me for a week now.
Let me first back up and explain.
On Monday at my church's college group, our college pastor spoke on love and the Hebrew words for love. Now I had always heard about the Greek words for love ( agape, eros and philia) but no one has ever spoken about the Hebrew words.
Anyways, the Hebrew words for love are Raw-Aw - which is like the root of love; where all love stems from; when you can truly see a person in all their crap and still love them.
A-Hab-Ba - which is a deep affection; like "there's no other place I would rather be than with you" kind of love
And then there is Dode - which is the "mingling of souls". There's really no other way to describe it other than that.
I found these words fascinating 1. because I had never been taught them and 2. because they were all so deep. There wasn't a love that was just flippant. All the words had a commitment. They required a fair amount of sacrifice to use.
It really got me thinking about how I use the word 'love'. I've become so flippant with my usage that its become trivial. At least to other people it will sound trivial. I mean, what if I were talking about my favorite band (which is The Reign of Kindo right now. Fun Steven fact for ya) and about how much I love them and then turned to my best friends and say I love them too. I most certainly don't love my friends like I love The Reign of Kindo and they know that but still! They would never know the true value in that word when I use it.
A lot of us at this point would start to say, "I wish there was another word of love so we could differentiate". Which I totally agree with but we have to be realistic. We cannot change the English language. That's ridiculous. So because we cannot change the word for love in English our only alternative is to be cautious. We need to be mindful of what we say and how we say it.
We have one word for love.
It needs to count for something more.
Furthermore, in 1 John 4:8 it says "...whoever does not love, does not know God because God is Love..." So not only is the word love more than how we use it for everyday things, it's actually a descriptor of God Himself. In my head, that makes it even more sacred. And it kind of convicts me because if our Holy God chose that word to describe Himself then the last thing I should be doing is throwing it around every which way.
All in all, I felt like I needed to share that simply because it's been weighing on me and challenging me in how I convey my feelings. I don't want my words to mean nothing. When I speak there ought to be impact.
I hope this challenges anyone who is reading this on the interwebs to be careful what you say and how you say it and what your words actual mean when you say them. When you speak, it shouldn't be "a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal" it should strike to the heart and cause change. Our words are powerful, let's not take them for granted. Remember that God spoke the world in existence using words; "the Word was with God and the Word was God" and that the Word resides inside of us. With this knowledge, just imagine what our words can create in people's hearts and minds.
Till Next Time...
8.22.2011
Fear...
Fear.
When you see or hear that word, what are the first things that pop into your mind?
I know for me, fear usually means vulnerability...rejection...failure...
It's not something that we look forward to in life but it is a part of it because we are humans living in a sinful world where fear is a powerful thing. We're surrounded by it everyday on the news, out in everyday life, in our homes and in schools. But it's what we do with that fear that determines how we move forward.
For me, I'm dealing a lot with fear of failure. I've allowed that fear keep me from doing a lot of things in my life. I know with school I, of course, wanted God to have his way and lead me in the right direction but although I really did have the desire to do what God wanted, I had an underlying fear of failure and moving in the wrong direction. But what I didn't realize is that life is a highway (yes, that just happened. :cue Rascal Flatts:). God allows us to move forward but as long as we are staying focused on God, He will place markers in our lives to guide us along. We just have to keep moving. But moving forward kind of leaves you feeling almost...bare. At least with me it does. I don't like feeling vulnerable so this is a big thing. I feel like when I step forward that I am risking my heart and risking falling on my face and that hurts a lot! But I can see that it's what we do in our failures is what helps us to grow. We ought not to wallow in our failures but give them to God. In our failure is where God shines through the most. He covers that with his love and mercy, picks us up, sets us upright and pushes us along. And I've realized that although I feel bare walking forward, I'm really not. Being God's child, he will cover me with his protection. We just need to be bold, cast aside our fear, step forward in faith and trust God to show his glory in a mighty way.
In closing, we must remember that fear is not of God. It says in 2 Timothy 1:7 that God has not given us the spirit of fear but of love and of a sound mind. And in Isaiah 41:10 it gives us reasons not to fear. It says, "... fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." We as believers in Christ do not have to live in fear. Compared to the truths in God's word, fear is illogical. There are countless reasons not to fear and proof that God takes care of his own. Like for instance, I realized that I am terrified of car accidents. Don't ask me why but I do. I'm in a car and seeing the traffic around me is seizing. It's awful. But when I really thing about it, I haven't been in any traumatizing accidents therefore my fear of car accidents is illogical and unfounded. I have to step back, know that this is a tactic of the enemy and I need to cast it aside, be bold and say, "No. God has not given this to me so I don't want it. I refuse to accept this fear." I think everyone should say that. Look their fear in the face and say "I don't want you. Go away". Be bold with your fear! I know that sounds like a paradox because fear prevents you from being bold but you have God as your backbone and his Word as your protection so you're pretty much set. :)
Till Next Time...
P.S. If Rascal Flatts is still on your mind, here is the music video! Life is a Highway. And it has clips from the movie Cars so double win! :D
When you see or hear that word, what are the first things that pop into your mind?
I know for me, fear usually means vulnerability...rejection...failure...
It's not something that we look forward to in life but it is a part of it because we are humans living in a sinful world where fear is a powerful thing. We're surrounded by it everyday on the news, out in everyday life, in our homes and in schools. But it's what we do with that fear that determines how we move forward.
For me, I'm dealing a lot with fear of failure. I've allowed that fear keep me from doing a lot of things in my life. I know with school I, of course, wanted God to have his way and lead me in the right direction but although I really did have the desire to do what God wanted, I had an underlying fear of failure and moving in the wrong direction. But what I didn't realize is that life is a highway (yes, that just happened. :cue Rascal Flatts:). God allows us to move forward but as long as we are staying focused on God, He will place markers in our lives to guide us along. We just have to keep moving. But moving forward kind of leaves you feeling almost...bare. At least with me it does. I don't like feeling vulnerable so this is a big thing. I feel like when I step forward that I am risking my heart and risking falling on my face and that hurts a lot! But I can see that it's what we do in our failures is what helps us to grow. We ought not to wallow in our failures but give them to God. In our failure is where God shines through the most. He covers that with his love and mercy, picks us up, sets us upright and pushes us along. And I've realized that although I feel bare walking forward, I'm really not. Being God's child, he will cover me with his protection. We just need to be bold, cast aside our fear, step forward in faith and trust God to show his glory in a mighty way.
In closing, we must remember that fear is not of God. It says in 2 Timothy 1:7 that God has not given us the spirit of fear but of love and of a sound mind. And in Isaiah 41:10 it gives us reasons not to fear. It says, "... fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." We as believers in Christ do not have to live in fear. Compared to the truths in God's word, fear is illogical. There are countless reasons not to fear and proof that God takes care of his own. Like for instance, I realized that I am terrified of car accidents. Don't ask me why but I do. I'm in a car and seeing the traffic around me is seizing. It's awful. But when I really thing about it, I haven't been in any traumatizing accidents therefore my fear of car accidents is illogical and unfounded. I have to step back, know that this is a tactic of the enemy and I need to cast it aside, be bold and say, "No. God has not given this to me so I don't want it. I refuse to accept this fear." I think everyone should say that. Look their fear in the face and say "I don't want you. Go away". Be bold with your fear! I know that sounds like a paradox because fear prevents you from being bold but you have God as your backbone and his Word as your protection so you're pretty much set. :)
Till Next Time...
P.S. If Rascal Flatts is still on your mind, here is the music video! Life is a Highway. And it has clips from the movie Cars so double win! :D
8.08.2011
The Weightiness of the Gospel
Today is the day that I wished I lived in China.
Like no joke.
At college group tonight we watched Francis Chan's message from Passion this year and he was talking about weighing our lives to the Gospel. He started talking about the underground church in China and how they are literally running for their lives for the sake of Christ. And the thing about it is that they are glad! They are glad that their lives are reflecting what Jesus said in Mark 13:13 where he says "they will hate you because of me". The Chinese people welcome this persecution because it says to them that what they are believing is true!
Francis also said that he was speaking to the Chinese people and telling them how we do things in America and they just laughed. They are laughing at us. We call ourselves Christians, I included mind you, and choose not to be bold about our faith. Over in China, if you proclaim yourself a Christian, you better mean it because you lose everything. People have died, lost their families, lost entire communities, hunted down, thrown into the street, beaten and countless other things just because they stood up and were bold about Jesus's grace.
And what pisses me off is that so many people, Americas to be exact, are bold about animal rights, women's rights, gay rights and all these other things but the majority of Christians choose to sit back and be silent. Now I'm not talking about these people who are speaking hatred into people's lives in the name of our Lord. That is wrong and the Lord sees it. I'm talking about speaking out about the love and saving grace of Jesus Christ! This is what we should be shouting about. I know I'm probably just running on adrenaline but it's true. And if you are reading this and are stirred then you know it's true too.
Personally, I don't understand why people hate the Gospel. It's saying that if you accept Jesus's sacrifice as payment for your sin that the God who created the universe and set time and reality in place looks at His children and says "You are Mine" because all He sees is His child. He doesn't see the sin we were cursed with. That curse is BROKEN! All He sees is us clean and pure and is anxious to be close to us. He adores us. He looks at us and get excited! When we speak to him he listens with intent. I could go on and on but isn't that amazing?? Sometimes I think we forget and we get caught up in our lives to the point that we kind of take God's love for granted. And please don't think I'm am speaking at people. This is coming right back to me and convicting me. I desire to be closer to God. I allow things in my life to distract me from Him. Nothing else should matter to me. Nothing else should matter to me.
All in all, I just want to have my life weigh in comparison to the Bible. Need that. I don't want to get to the end of my life, stand before God and just have indentations in a seat in a building to show for it. I want the Lord to be able to place a Bible in front of my life and not know where the Bible starts and I begin.
Like no joke.
At college group tonight we watched Francis Chan's message from Passion this year and he was talking about weighing our lives to the Gospel. He started talking about the underground church in China and how they are literally running for their lives for the sake of Christ. And the thing about it is that they are glad! They are glad that their lives are reflecting what Jesus said in Mark 13:13 where he says "they will hate you because of me". The Chinese people welcome this persecution because it says to them that what they are believing is true!
Francis also said that he was speaking to the Chinese people and telling them how we do things in America and they just laughed. They are laughing at us. We call ourselves Christians, I included mind you, and choose not to be bold about our faith. Over in China, if you proclaim yourself a Christian, you better mean it because you lose everything. People have died, lost their families, lost entire communities, hunted down, thrown into the street, beaten and countless other things just because they stood up and were bold about Jesus's grace.
And what pisses me off is that so many people, Americas to be exact, are bold about animal rights, women's rights, gay rights and all these other things but the majority of Christians choose to sit back and be silent. Now I'm not talking about these people who are speaking hatred into people's lives in the name of our Lord. That is wrong and the Lord sees it. I'm talking about speaking out about the love and saving grace of Jesus Christ! This is what we should be shouting about. I know I'm probably just running on adrenaline but it's true. And if you are reading this and are stirred then you know it's true too.
Personally, I don't understand why people hate the Gospel. It's saying that if you accept Jesus's sacrifice as payment for your sin that the God who created the universe and set time and reality in place looks at His children and says "You are Mine" because all He sees is His child. He doesn't see the sin we were cursed with. That curse is BROKEN! All He sees is us clean and pure and is anxious to be close to us. He adores us. He looks at us and get excited! When we speak to him he listens with intent. I could go on and on but isn't that amazing?? Sometimes I think we forget and we get caught up in our lives to the point that we kind of take God's love for granted. And please don't think I'm am speaking at people. This is coming right back to me and convicting me. I desire to be closer to God. I allow things in my life to distract me from Him. Nothing else should matter to me. Nothing else should matter to me.
All in all, I just want to have my life weigh in comparison to the Bible. Need that. I don't want to get to the end of my life, stand before God and just have indentations in a seat in a building to show for it. I want the Lord to be able to place a Bible in front of my life and not know where the Bible starts and I begin.
7.28.2011
A Prayer for God to Guide
I 'stumbled' upon this passage and I put stumble in quotes because I know that the Lord led me to this because it's exactly what I needed to read. Just from reading the title alone I was like "Whaaaaaat?!? Crazy."
So I shall share with you!
I hope it resonates with you as it has for me :)
2 my God, I trust you.
Do not let me be disgraced;
do not let my enemies laugh at me.
3 No one who trusts you will be disgraced,
but those who sin without excuse will be disgraced.
4 Lord, tell me your ways.
Show me how to live.
5 Guide me in your truth,
and teach me, my God, my Savior.
I trust you all day long.
6 Lord, remember your mercy and love
that you have shown since long ago.
7 Do not remember the sins
and wrong things I did when I was young.
But remember to love me always
because you are good, Lord.
8 The Lord is good and right;
he points sinners to the right way.
9 He shows those who are humble how to do right,
and he teaches them his ways.
10 All the Lord's ways are loving and true
for those who follow the demands of his agreement.
11 For the sake of your name, Lord,
forgive my many sins.
12 Are there those who respect the Lord?
He will point them to the best way.
13 They will enjoy a good life,
and their children will inherit the land.
14 The Lord tells his secrets to those who respect him;
he tells them about his agreement.
15 My eyes are always looking to the Lord for help.
He will keep me from any traps.
16 Turn to me and have mercy on me,
because I am lonely and hurting.
17 My troubles have grown larger;
free me from my problems.
18 Look at my suffering and troubles,
and take away all my sins.
19 Look at how many enemies I have!
See how much they hate me!
20 Protect me and save me.
I trust you, so do not let me be disgraced.
21 My hope is in you,
so may goodness and honesty guard me.
From BibleGateway.com
So I shall share with you!
I hope it resonates with you as it has for me :)
Psalm 25:1-21
A Prayer for God to Guide
1 Lord, I give myself to you;2 my God, I trust you.
Do not let me be disgraced;
do not let my enemies laugh at me.
3 No one who trusts you will be disgraced,
but those who sin without excuse will be disgraced.
4 Lord, tell me your ways.
Show me how to live.
5 Guide me in your truth,
and teach me, my God, my Savior.
I trust you all day long.
6 Lord, remember your mercy and love
that you have shown since long ago.
7 Do not remember the sins
and wrong things I did when I was young.
But remember to love me always
because you are good, Lord.
8 The Lord is good and right;
he points sinners to the right way.
9 He shows those who are humble how to do right,
and he teaches them his ways.
10 All the Lord's ways are loving and true
for those who follow the demands of his agreement.
11 For the sake of your name, Lord,
forgive my many sins.
12 Are there those who respect the Lord?
He will point them to the best way.
13 They will enjoy a good life,
and their children will inherit the land.
14 The Lord tells his secrets to those who respect him;
he tells them about his agreement.
15 My eyes are always looking to the Lord for help.
He will keep me from any traps.
16 Turn to me and have mercy on me,
because I am lonely and hurting.
17 My troubles have grown larger;
free me from my problems.
18 Look at my suffering and troubles,
and take away all my sins.
19 Look at how many enemies I have!
See how much they hate me!
20 Protect me and save me.
I trust you, so do not let me be disgraced.
21 My hope is in you,
so may goodness and honesty guard me.
From BibleGateway.com
7.22.2011
Thoughts On Marriage...Please refrain from stoning till after the post. Thank You.
So I've recently started an endeavor to read through all the books Paul had written and so far it has been amazing. I love the way he writes and his thoughts on life and just his honesty about certain situations without worry about how it will upset people. He wrote truth as it came from God to him and he let that be enough which is something to envy.
But one passage in particular seized my attention. It was First Corinthians 7 where Paul takes an entire chapter to talk to the church of Corinth about :pause for emphasis: marriage. :) Now I had heard bits and pieces of this passage but never really ever read the chapter in its entirety and in context with the chapter before it in which he touches on avoiding sexual immorality. It's also very interesting that Paul basically says that if you cannot control your desires then please for the love of God get married because it's better than sinning.
I have to say that this is one of my favorite chapters because Paul really lays out his ideas on marriage which I found to be very comforting because basically he's saying it's okay to be single. And it is equally okay to be married just be prepared because it's tough. You not only have to give yourself to the Lord but you also have to give yourself to your spouse.
Paul also talks about divorce which makes complete sense to me. I don't know why there is a big fuss over the divorce topic when it is laid out right here. The next time anyone brings up the question of the Big D I will simply write down '1 Cor. 7: 10-16', hand it to said person, and walk away. There really needn't be an argument because it's in the Bible. Done.
And Paul also lays out my personal favorite: that if you are single, do not worry about being married. The Lord has you single for a reason and that is to do His work and if the thoughts of marriage are keeping you from doing the Lord's work then you need to surrender it to God. And he says that if you don't have a desire to get married that it's okay. Marriage is a gift and it is not given to everyone. Paul himself wasn't married and there was nothing wrong with it. I have a personal attachment to this statement because I myself do not have the desire to marry. There are many people who hear that and immediately judge which is especially sad in the Church. Paul clearly states in 1 Cor. 7:37 "But if he has decided firmly not to marry and there is no urgency and he can control his passion, he does well not to marry."
I think I fit the bill just fine. :)
Now, before you send me angry comments about God and marriage and hurling stones at me, please know that 1. I am not a Bible scholar nor a seminary student, nor a pastor, nor do I have the desire to be any of the three. I may be missing some things here or there but that is for the Lord to reveal to me in His timing. And 2. I believe marriage is a beautiful thing. My parents have been married for 20 years and I have watched their marriage flourish. I also have the privilege to know couples that have such a wonderful marriage and, if the Lord should change my heart, would love to have just a shadow of that sort of bond. I also know the value of it and I know that the Lord values it highly. His entire redemption plan is basically a marriage ceremony for crying out loud! I would be severely daft to ignore that.
So all in all, it's okay to be single. Just know that the Lord holds you accountable for the freedom you have and desires you to use your freedom to serve Him. And it is okay to marry because the Lord cherishes the union between a man and a woman. :)
Till Next Time...
But one passage in particular seized my attention. It was First Corinthians 7 where Paul takes an entire chapter to talk to the church of Corinth about :pause for emphasis: marriage. :) Now I had heard bits and pieces of this passage but never really ever read the chapter in its entirety and in context with the chapter before it in which he touches on avoiding sexual immorality. It's also very interesting that Paul basically says that if you cannot control your desires then please for the love of God get married because it's better than sinning.
I have to say that this is one of my favorite chapters because Paul really lays out his ideas on marriage which I found to be very comforting because basically he's saying it's okay to be single. And it is equally okay to be married just be prepared because it's tough. You not only have to give yourself to the Lord but you also have to give yourself to your spouse.
Paul also talks about divorce which makes complete sense to me. I don't know why there is a big fuss over the divorce topic when it is laid out right here. The next time anyone brings up the question of the Big D I will simply write down '1 Cor. 7: 10-16', hand it to said person, and walk away. There really needn't be an argument because it's in the Bible. Done.
And Paul also lays out my personal favorite: that if you are single, do not worry about being married. The Lord has you single for a reason and that is to do His work and if the thoughts of marriage are keeping you from doing the Lord's work then you need to surrender it to God. And he says that if you don't have a desire to get married that it's okay. Marriage is a gift and it is not given to everyone. Paul himself wasn't married and there was nothing wrong with it. I have a personal attachment to this statement because I myself do not have the desire to marry. There are many people who hear that and immediately judge which is especially sad in the Church. Paul clearly states in 1 Cor. 7:37 "But if he has decided firmly not to marry and there is no urgency and he can control his passion, he does well not to marry."
I think I fit the bill just fine. :)
Now, before you send me angry comments about God and marriage and hurling stones at me, please know that 1. I am not a Bible scholar nor a seminary student, nor a pastor, nor do I have the desire to be any of the three. I may be missing some things here or there but that is for the Lord to reveal to me in His timing. And 2. I believe marriage is a beautiful thing. My parents have been married for 20 years and I have watched their marriage flourish. I also have the privilege to know couples that have such a wonderful marriage and, if the Lord should change my heart, would love to have just a shadow of that sort of bond. I also know the value of it and I know that the Lord values it highly. His entire redemption plan is basically a marriage ceremony for crying out loud! I would be severely daft to ignore that.
So all in all, it's okay to be single. Just know that the Lord holds you accountable for the freedom you have and desires you to use your freedom to serve Him. And it is okay to marry because the Lord cherishes the union between a man and a woman. :)
Till Next Time...
7.16.2011
It All Comes Down To The Bottom Lines (Post-KidJam)
Hello reality! Didn't see you there. Have you been there all this time?
So I, along with 4 other awesome leaders, just came back from Camp KidJam in Winston-Salem at Wake Forest University and to say that it was insane is an understatement. Haha! The camp was non-stop and I'm pretty sure there's some sort of time fluctuation machine being built on campus because I'm sure 3 weeks had passed.
Anyways, throughout camp I just kept getting smacked in the face. No. Not by a rambunctious child but by God. See, I always go to camp. It's what I've done since I've joined the children's ministry. There's never been an 'if' (except that one time I was on vacation :P) it has always been 'go'. But there was just something about this year at camp that was different. It was really weird because it was the first time that I really thought about camp and was so close to backing out for no real reason other than that I thought I was falling into a routine. Luckily, I didn't back out because I ended up being so blessed by the kids and by the message they were being taught. It was on this trip that I actually felt somewhat confident about leading a small group. I've always felt as though I was a horrid teacher (still think that) but knowing that although the kids were moving about, they were absorbing what I was saying and able to say it back to me. I know it was God because there was no way in heck that was coming from me! But God knew that was what I needed to hear. I needed to realize that my voice is important and that what I say has impact. It was just remarkable.
Another thing that just blew me away about camp was the way all of the bottom lines were applicable to my life.
Me.
A 19 (almost 20 :D) year old adult person.
I will list the bottom lines from camp:
God wants to do something in me that is bigger than just me...
I have to keep depending on God's power in my life...
What is important to Jesus should be important to me...
When things get hard don't forget what you know...
When I trust in Jesus He promises He will always be with me...
God wants to use me to show others the power of forgiveness...
What. The. Crap.
When I heard the first one, I will never forget it, I was on my blackberry and when the storyteller (who tried to steal my Starbucks....) said that from the stage my head snapped up and stared at the screen. It was what I needed to hear and it took everything in me to not cry on the spot. And then it just kept going with each bottom line.
Then I got to thinking about what powerful Christ followers we are helping raise up. These kids are learning truths that I still struggle with which is awesome because they have all their lives to learn how it applies to their lives. It makes me a little jealous because I believe that if I had their knowledge about God at their age, I would have grown up with a lot less doubt in my life.
I thank God everyday that I have been put in a position that I am able to convey these truths to our kids in a manner in which they will be able to retain and gain confidence in God. I try not to think about it too much because I will start to feel unworthy but it is such an honor and I'm so grateful for Journey for allowing me to be involved. :)
Till next time...
So I, along with 4 other awesome leaders, just came back from Camp KidJam in Winston-Salem at Wake Forest University and to say that it was insane is an understatement. Haha! The camp was non-stop and I'm pretty sure there's some sort of time fluctuation machine being built on campus because I'm sure 3 weeks had passed.
Anyways, throughout camp I just kept getting smacked in the face. No. Not by a rambunctious child but by God. See, I always go to camp. It's what I've done since I've joined the children's ministry. There's never been an 'if' (except that one time I was on vacation :P) it has always been 'go'. But there was just something about this year at camp that was different. It was really weird because it was the first time that I really thought about camp and was so close to backing out for no real reason other than that I thought I was falling into a routine. Luckily, I didn't back out because I ended up being so blessed by the kids and by the message they were being taught. It was on this trip that I actually felt somewhat confident about leading a small group. I've always felt as though I was a horrid teacher (still think that) but knowing that although the kids were moving about, they were absorbing what I was saying and able to say it back to me. I know it was God because there was no way in heck that was coming from me! But God knew that was what I needed to hear. I needed to realize that my voice is important and that what I say has impact. It was just remarkable.
Another thing that just blew me away about camp was the way all of the bottom lines were applicable to my life.
Me.
A 19 (almost 20 :D) year old adult person.
I will list the bottom lines from camp:
God wants to do something in me that is bigger than just me...
I have to keep depending on God's power in my life...
What is important to Jesus should be important to me...
When things get hard don't forget what you know...
When I trust in Jesus He promises He will always be with me...
God wants to use me to show others the power of forgiveness...
What. The. Crap.
When I heard the first one, I will never forget it, I was on my blackberry and when the storyteller (who tried to steal my Starbucks....) said that from the stage my head snapped up and stared at the screen. It was what I needed to hear and it took everything in me to not cry on the spot. And then it just kept going with each bottom line.
Then I got to thinking about what powerful Christ followers we are helping raise up. These kids are learning truths that I still struggle with which is awesome because they have all their lives to learn how it applies to their lives. It makes me a little jealous because I believe that if I had their knowledge about God at their age, I would have grown up with a lot less doubt in my life.
I thank God everyday that I have been put in a position that I am able to convey these truths to our kids in a manner in which they will be able to retain and gain confidence in God. I try not to think about it too much because I will start to feel unworthy but it is such an honor and I'm so grateful for Journey for allowing me to be involved. :)
Till next time...
6.25.2011
I'm Not A Theologian But...
Well this is an interesting thought/question and maybe I can get some feedback from my readers?
I was talking to one of my good friends like literally 20 minutes ago just about life and the reality of it. And I brought up the question: Where do we draw the line between being complacent and ungrateful?
I've actually wondered this for a long time because I've made it no secret that I have no desire to live where I'm living anymore. My heart is in Europe, a place I have never lain eyes on but feel so drawn to. But when do I stop and say, "Whoa. Let's stop here. I'm beginning to be ungrateful."
I hear all the time that we should be happy where we are in life. But I refuse to be complacent. I will not, I repeat, will not be satisfied by staying in one place for the rest of my life. I can feel it right now and it is as strong now as it was years ago. In fact, I'm feeling it stronger. Like my head is bouncing against the ceiling.
I think that being ungrateful would mean that I was taking advantage of everything and everyone around me which I'm most certainly not doing.
But what is wrong with wanting something more?
Something better?
Something new?
Is that too much to ask?
And how would one go about leaving everything and everyone they know to pursue a life that is unclear. Where is the line between faith and foolishness?
Faith is clearly stated in Hebrews 1:1-3 (ESV) "Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen. For by it the people of old received their commendation. By faith we understand that the universe was created by the Word of God, so that what is seen was not made out of things that are visible..."
See? And weren't those champions of faith seen as foolish carrying out things that they were complete unsure of? I believe it's merely a manner of perception. The world will see is as foolhardiness but a Christian should be able to look at it and see faith at work. But I feel like there are a lot of Christians who will look at me and see a foolish boy hoping for many things and ungrateful.
A part of me wants to say "Screw you" but there's another part of me is wary of my decisions...I don't know. I feel like I start blogs with a thought and it carries into a rant. But who cares. It's my blog. I do what I wants! Haha!
But let me know what you think in the comments. I never ask for comments but I'm interested to hear what other points of view there are. If I don't see comments, I will assume that all my readers agree with me completely. :)
Till Next Time...
I was talking to one of my good friends like literally 20 minutes ago just about life and the reality of it. And I brought up the question: Where do we draw the line between being complacent and ungrateful?
I've actually wondered this for a long time because I've made it no secret that I have no desire to live where I'm living anymore. My heart is in Europe, a place I have never lain eyes on but feel so drawn to. But when do I stop and say, "Whoa. Let's stop here. I'm beginning to be ungrateful."
I hear all the time that we should be happy where we are in life. But I refuse to be complacent. I will not, I repeat, will not be satisfied by staying in one place for the rest of my life. I can feel it right now and it is as strong now as it was years ago. In fact, I'm feeling it stronger. Like my head is bouncing against the ceiling.
I think that being ungrateful would mean that I was taking advantage of everything and everyone around me which I'm most certainly not doing.
But what is wrong with wanting something more?
Something better?
Something new?
Is that too much to ask?
And how would one go about leaving everything and everyone they know to pursue a life that is unclear. Where is the line between faith and foolishness?
Faith is clearly stated in Hebrews 1:1-3 (ESV) "Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen. For by it the people of old received their commendation. By faith we understand that the universe was created by the Word of God, so that what is seen was not made out of things that are visible..."
See? And weren't those champions of faith seen as foolish carrying out things that they were complete unsure of? I believe it's merely a manner of perception. The world will see is as foolhardiness but a Christian should be able to look at it and see faith at work. But I feel like there are a lot of Christians who will look at me and see a foolish boy hoping for many things and ungrateful.
A part of me wants to say "Screw you" but there's another part of me is wary of my decisions...I don't know. I feel like I start blogs with a thought and it carries into a rant. But who cares. It's my blog. I do what I wants! Haha!
But let me know what you think in the comments. I never ask for comments but I'm interested to hear what other points of view there are. If I don't see comments, I will assume that all my readers agree with me completely. :)
Till Next Time...
6.21.2011
Now That I Have Seen...
I'm such a jerk to God sometimes.
At the beginning of my Berklee...let's say "adventure" because it wasn't anything less than an adventure, I suddenly became very interested in God's plan for my life. My prayer life began to flourish and I felt like I was really getting to know God in a way I hadn't before.
Then came the curveball that I wasn't expecting and I just kind of rolled with it, trusting in God that He was going to take care of me.
Fast-forward to now and I'm back to where I started. And I feel like such a jerk looking back.
I feel like I screwed myself over and I feel like an idiot now seeing that I was only interested in getting close to God because I was hoping that if I said the right things and presented this "willing heart" that He would give me what I wanted.
And that's really lame.
I am ashamed that I even thought that I could hide anything from God. I should know better than that. He sees everything in me. And God brought me right back to where I began. Sure I learned a lot from that experience but I can see that I was trying to play God and "sweet talk" Him into morphing His plan to suit me.
How could I do that?!
Then I began to think, "How many other people are doing that right now?"
I'm sure I would be astounded. People, especially type-A control freaks like myself, will do almost anything to get to what they want and it's really sad. But God is so completely just and merciful that He (for lack of a better statement) went along with my selfishness. Because although I had a subconscious agenda, God still listened to me and God still spoke to me. He even dropped in my spirit a few times what was going to happen but I thought it was the enemy trying to discourage me.
It's astonishing that God, even through all of my crap, still shows Himself strong and revealed myself to me.
Now that I have seen, I am responsible. Faith without deeds is dead
That's one of the lyrics to Brooke Fraser's song Albertine and it resounds through me all the time. Now that God has revealed my heart to me, I am responsible with what I do with this knowledge and how I move on from this point.
All in all, God is relentless. He will not rest until we are reflections of His Son, Jesus and that is a beautiful thing to think about as a Christian. He will dig through ourselves and show us what we have overlooked. I just believe that we need to be open to see our faults and own up to them. Otherwise it's pointless.
I know this post was more of a rant than anything but I hope this gets to the right people.
Till Next Time...
6.04.2011
Bobbing In The Current...
It's so wonderful when someone looks at you and sees something that you have overlooked.
I was talking with my friend who just got back from her studies at IBI for the summer and we were just catching up with the times. We got to the part where we were observing how much people have grown. I of course have seen tremendous growth in her as a person. She's seeking the Lord in such a way that I'm envious (the good kind, I promise) and she's snuggling in to her new adult life. Then she turned to me and told me that she's seen my maturity and I'm one of the most mature people she knows.
Now granted, I've heard that from a lot of people since I was little. I've always felt like an older person. Always. It's just how I've been. But something about the way she said it really touched me. I started reflecting, later on, about what has been going on since the beginning of the year and to me, I feel like I'm a complete mess. There are times that I feel like people look at me and are disappointed in the choices I've made. But to know that someone has seen my growth is kind of remarkable and encouraging.
It's also gotten me thinking about what God is going to do next. He's always working and I can see that now but there are moments in life where He seems more prominent. Kind of like a current. You don't really realized it's moving you until you look around and see the landscape changing.
I can see that God is shifting. He's bringing people back into my life in a big and wonderful way and there must be a reason. God does nothing without a reason and a purpose. I'm totally stoked about it and I just pray I'll have the faith and trust in God to let Him take the reins. It's never good for a blind person to take the reins of a life that isn't his to begin with. Right?
In case you didn't catch that, I'm the blind person in this analogy. Are you tracking? Okay good. :)
Till Next Time...
P.S. Hopefully God will give me a less expensive lesson to learn. Plane tickets to Boston aren't cheap. Ever. lol
5.30.2011
The Proverbial Bird In A Cage...
It's nights like tonight that get me into trouble.
I'll explain.
I was watching a movie called New York, I Love You and although it got horrible reviews and has less stars than a corner chinese restaurant I still found it to be a beautiful piece of work. It was basically a compilation of love stories with New York City as the central point. At times the character's stories would intertwine it was just fantastically done. I felt like it really captured the heart of the city and being from the city it really began to tug on my heartstrings. New York City is like the epicenter of possibility in my head. I feel like living there is such a huge jump for anyone who has a passion and full of untapped inspiration.
Then I began to get that feeling like a lump of lead was dropped down my throat and sat at the base of my stomach urging on my desire to run off. I don't know if it's a sickness or if I am drawn away for a reason but I just know I could be doing so much more. My desire to see the world and experience culture to its fullest is beyond anything I could possibly imagine. Like I said, I feel like New York, and further, the entire world, is just full of inspiration that could spark an idea that could be birthed into something magnificent. Something new and fresh. Something brilliant!
However, like a bird in a cage, I look at my current situation and just the idea of being able to escape and try out my wings is burdensome to the point of physical pain.
It's sobering thinking back to when you were a child and making plans and then actually getting close to the age where you had already planned to fulfill those dreams and realizing that it's just not happening. It makes me question my abilities (which is so bad, I know) and my true passions (which is even worse). I just happen to be surrounded by talented people who are just letting their gifts flow from them and things are just being thrown their way. And it's very difficult to see. You would think that would make me push harder but after years of pushing sometimes it get very wearisome.
But I know that I am destined for something incredible.
I know that I will do something great in the world.
And I know for certain that I will see everything in the world I dream to see.
I just have to search my heart and find that driving force that would propel me to make it happen. I just haven't found it yet.
Hopefully I find it soon and hopefully I am strong enough to bite back my disdain and store these moments away because when I finally reach the place I wish to be, I will be able to look back and remember when I sat in my room dreaming of the world and its possibilities.
And it will be so sweet :)
Till Next Time...
I'll explain.
I was watching a movie called New York, I Love You and although it got horrible reviews and has less stars than a corner chinese restaurant I still found it to be a beautiful piece of work. It was basically a compilation of love stories with New York City as the central point. At times the character's stories would intertwine it was just fantastically done. I felt like it really captured the heart of the city and being from the city it really began to tug on my heartstrings. New York City is like the epicenter of possibility in my head. I feel like living there is such a huge jump for anyone who has a passion and full of untapped inspiration.
Then I began to get that feeling like a lump of lead was dropped down my throat and sat at the base of my stomach urging on my desire to run off. I don't know if it's a sickness or if I am drawn away for a reason but I just know I could be doing so much more. My desire to see the world and experience culture to its fullest is beyond anything I could possibly imagine. Like I said, I feel like New York, and further, the entire world, is just full of inspiration that could spark an idea that could be birthed into something magnificent. Something new and fresh. Something brilliant!
However, like a bird in a cage, I look at my current situation and just the idea of being able to escape and try out my wings is burdensome to the point of physical pain.
It's sobering thinking back to when you were a child and making plans and then actually getting close to the age where you had already planned to fulfill those dreams and realizing that it's just not happening. It makes me question my abilities (which is so bad, I know) and my true passions (which is even worse). I just happen to be surrounded by talented people who are just letting their gifts flow from them and things are just being thrown their way. And it's very difficult to see. You would think that would make me push harder but after years of pushing sometimes it get very wearisome.
But I know that I am destined for something incredible.
I know that I will do something great in the world.
And I know for certain that I will see everything in the world I dream to see.
I just have to search my heart and find that driving force that would propel me to make it happen. I just haven't found it yet.
Hopefully I find it soon and hopefully I am strong enough to bite back my disdain and store these moments away because when I finally reach the place I wish to be, I will be able to look back and remember when I sat in my room dreaming of the world and its possibilities.
And it will be so sweet :)
Till Next Time...
4.26.2011
The Beautiful Exchange
Happy belated Easter!
This past Sunday at my church, Pastor Jimmy was speaking a sermon called "Beautiful Exchange". Hillsong fans hear that and immediately are drawn to the song by the same name (which we did btw and it was awesome. Just sayin...) anyways! He was laying out for everyone what the Beautiful Exchange really is. It's Jesus giving His life in exchange for our sin and creating this irrefutable pathway straight to God Himself.
And I think it's brilliant.
The whole entire story of Jesus is brilliant. Like it's insane how perfect a storyline it is! As a writer, I think about the entire Bible and I, for lack of a better word, envy how beautiful and perfect it is. The right people in all the right places making small decisions that snowballed and affected entire nations in the future leading to the birth of Christ. And the way He was born making Him the absolute perfect candidate to pay for the sins of humanity past, present and future!
As you can probably tell, my mind explodes.
But that was a bit of a rabbit trail. Let's get back on track to the Beautiful Exchange.
I was thinking about it and as I always do, I held it up making my life a backdrop to this Beautiful Exchange and cue instant humbling. Every brilliant thing in my life turns monochrome to Jesus' sacrifice and conviction sets in because I realize how focused on myself I am and have been. How could I complain about a single thing and think that God has gone silent on me when He has painted this brilliant picture that screams loud and clearly that our lives are meaningful because of Him. That He wouldn't have even bothered to write this novel of eternity if He didn't love and have faith in His characters.
I know I am fully humbled and inspired by this Beautiful Exchange and I hope you are as well! In the meantime, I will enjoy my week off and this splendid weather we've been having in Raleigh! Perfect reading & writing weather!
Or perfect watch-Netflix-outside weather? ;)
Till Next Time...
This past Sunday at my church, Pastor Jimmy was speaking a sermon called "Beautiful Exchange". Hillsong fans hear that and immediately are drawn to the song by the same name (which we did btw and it was awesome. Just sayin...) anyways! He was laying out for everyone what the Beautiful Exchange really is. It's Jesus giving His life in exchange for our sin and creating this irrefutable pathway straight to God Himself.
And I think it's brilliant.
The whole entire story of Jesus is brilliant. Like it's insane how perfect a storyline it is! As a writer, I think about the entire Bible and I, for lack of a better word, envy how beautiful and perfect it is. The right people in all the right places making small decisions that snowballed and affected entire nations in the future leading to the birth of Christ. And the way He was born making Him the absolute perfect candidate to pay for the sins of humanity past, present and future!
As you can probably tell, my mind explodes.
But that was a bit of a rabbit trail. Let's get back on track to the Beautiful Exchange.
I was thinking about it and as I always do, I held it up making my life a backdrop to this Beautiful Exchange and cue instant humbling. Every brilliant thing in my life turns monochrome to Jesus' sacrifice and conviction sets in because I realize how focused on myself I am and have been. How could I complain about a single thing and think that God has gone silent on me when He has painted this brilliant picture that screams loud and clearly that our lives are meaningful because of Him. That He wouldn't have even bothered to write this novel of eternity if He didn't love and have faith in His characters.
I know I am fully humbled and inspired by this Beautiful Exchange and I hope you are as well! In the meantime, I will enjoy my week off and this splendid weather we've been having in Raleigh! Perfect reading & writing weather!
Or perfect watch-Netflix-outside weather? ;)
Till Next Time...
4.16.2011
The Aftermath...
BOOM!
That could pretty much describe the past couple of months.
Pretty much everything was running at warp speed and sending my mind into a whirlwind of thoughts and plans and people and work and trips and...madness!
Now? Not so much.
After the news from Berklee and my decision to not pursue Liberty, my life has pretty much plummeted from 21,000 feet to about 10 in reference to my thought process. I described it to my prayer circle on Thursday to the silence in the aftermath of a huge bomb. Which, I believe, is pretty freakin accurate.
At first it was quite peaceful! I could sit in my room and read a book for the first time in weeks and not be fraught with thoughts like, "Oh! I need to send that email!" or "I need to talk to mom and dad about *fill in the blank*" or "How am I going to pay for this?"
It was quite refreshing to say the least and very surprising! In my previous aftermaths, there were 'survivors' and they were rushing around in panic.
This one took out everyone. And the few 'survivors' that were present were injured and too tired to even panic.
Now, that this aftermath has lasted a few weeks, I'm getting unnerved. I usually get an idea or something pops up and gets me back in action.
I mean, I did give up my plans to God and said, in so many words, "Screw it all. Do what You like with me".
But I wasn't expecting my mind to go into sleep mode for so long. Nor did I expect God to not say anything. And further, I never in a million years think that when I thought about the future there would be blankness.
I'm not okay with that.
I'm kind of Type A in many aspects. One of those being that I always have a plan.
This new stage in my life is much like walking through a city with nowhere to go. I feel aimless, saddened, uninspired, unmotivated...stagnant; and I haven't a clue what to do about it. :/
So with that, I leave you with a prayer request. Pray that God would say something...anything so it can get me moving again. Also pray with me as I pray through an option that I'm sort of considering. I'm not feeling a draw, nor a drawback from doing this so I'm a little wary.
Till Next Time...
That could pretty much describe the past couple of months.
Pretty much everything was running at warp speed and sending my mind into a whirlwind of thoughts and plans and people and work and trips and...madness!
Now? Not so much.
After the news from Berklee and my decision to not pursue Liberty, my life has pretty much plummeted from 21,000 feet to about 10 in reference to my thought process. I described it to my prayer circle on Thursday to the silence in the aftermath of a huge bomb. Which, I believe, is pretty freakin accurate.
At first it was quite peaceful! I could sit in my room and read a book for the first time in weeks and not be fraught with thoughts like, "Oh! I need to send that email!" or "I need to talk to mom and dad about *fill in the blank*" or "How am I going to pay for this?"
It was quite refreshing to say the least and very surprising! In my previous aftermaths, there were 'survivors' and they were rushing around in panic.
This one took out everyone. And the few 'survivors' that were present were injured and too tired to even panic.
Now, that this aftermath has lasted a few weeks, I'm getting unnerved. I usually get an idea or something pops up and gets me back in action.
I mean, I did give up my plans to God and said, in so many words, "Screw it all. Do what You like with me".
But I wasn't expecting my mind to go into sleep mode for so long. Nor did I expect God to not say anything. And further, I never in a million years think that when I thought about the future there would be blankness.
I'm not okay with that.
I'm kind of Type A in many aspects. One of those being that I always have a plan.
This new stage in my life is much like walking through a city with nowhere to go. I feel aimless, saddened, uninspired, unmotivated...stagnant; and I haven't a clue what to do about it. :/
So with that, I leave you with a prayer request. Pray that God would say something...anything so it can get me moving again. Also pray with me as I pray through an option that I'm sort of considering. I'm not feeling a draw, nor a drawback from doing this so I'm a little wary.
Till Next Time...
4.06.2011
Slowly Releasing My Deathgrip....
Oh why hello April! I didn't see you there. lol
This morning I'm feeling really grateful and blessed. I've been kind of reflecting on the things God's been doing in my life and it's really incredible. Even with the whole Berklee thing, I can't even make myself feel lethargic about the whole thing. Sure I'll get down every once in a while but God always manages to send something or someone to make me smile.
Which is annoying because in those moments, all I want to do is hate the world and here He comes trying to make me laugh and winning every time.
It's annoying yet reinforcing my conclusion that God and I are still on this, for lack of a better word, friendship road. :)
Recently I read this wonderful blog post and in the post, she was talking about a struggle that she had with something that she refused to give up to God because I'm sure she never would have thought that something that precious could have turned into a sin. But after I had finished, I immediately knew what I've been doing. I didn't even have to ask God.
I had refused to give up my visions for university.
It was right in front of my face all this time and I had pushed it aside saying "No. God placed this desire in me. It's right".
But I could have never been so wrong in my life.
Sure God placed the desire in me since I was a child but I have since had a death grip on the idea and not surrendering it to God.
Now that I know, I am responsible to give it to God. Which I have. And continue to do each time the embers are stoked in my heart.
I can't begin to tell you how painful it is to let go of something you've held on to for 10 years. But God never gives you something you can't bear. And He never gives you something that you are unable to surrender to Him.
I hope that encouraged someone today! I know it encourages me each time I talk about it or think about it because I know God's plan is so much bigger than mine. My silly notions of campus living, dorms, classes, coffeeshop study sessions, weekends in Cape Cod, day trips to Vermont, Friday nights in New York and concerts are so incredible small compared to what God sees in me. Those things are wonderful but my destiny is so much better than that. :)
I think I remember posting a blog talking about how I feel like God is transitioning me into a new season. I think that season is now. Not necessarily a change of location but a change of thought and desire and a renewed passion! I could go on and on but I'm going to stop for now. Going to practice for tonight! Playing at a Men's Worship Night at the Worship Center which happens to be the same place Journey recorded 'God Be Praised'! I knew I would play on that stage one day ;)
Till Next Time...
This morning I'm feeling really grateful and blessed. I've been kind of reflecting on the things God's been doing in my life and it's really incredible. Even with the whole Berklee thing, I can't even make myself feel lethargic about the whole thing. Sure I'll get down every once in a while but God always manages to send something or someone to make me smile.
Which is annoying because in those moments, all I want to do is hate the world and here He comes trying to make me laugh and winning every time.
It's annoying yet reinforcing my conclusion that God and I are still on this, for lack of a better word, friendship road. :)
Recently I read this wonderful blog post and in the post, she was talking about a struggle that she had with something that she refused to give up to God because I'm sure she never would have thought that something that precious could have turned into a sin. But after I had finished, I immediately knew what I've been doing. I didn't even have to ask God.
I had refused to give up my visions for university.
It was right in front of my face all this time and I had pushed it aside saying "No. God placed this desire in me. It's right".
But I could have never been so wrong in my life.
Sure God placed the desire in me since I was a child but I have since had a death grip on the idea and not surrendering it to God.
Now that I know, I am responsible to give it to God. Which I have. And continue to do each time the embers are stoked in my heart.
I can't begin to tell you how painful it is to let go of something you've held on to for 10 years. But God never gives you something you can't bear. And He never gives you something that you are unable to surrender to Him.
I hope that encouraged someone today! I know it encourages me each time I talk about it or think about it because I know God's plan is so much bigger than mine. My silly notions of campus living, dorms, classes, coffeeshop study sessions, weekends in Cape Cod, day trips to Vermont, Friday nights in New York and concerts are so incredible small compared to what God sees in me. Those things are wonderful but my destiny is so much better than that. :)
I think I remember posting a blog talking about how I feel like God is transitioning me into a new season. I think that season is now. Not necessarily a change of location but a change of thought and desire and a renewed passion! I could go on and on but I'm going to stop for now. Going to practice for tonight! Playing at a Men's Worship Night at the Worship Center which happens to be the same place Journey recorded 'God Be Praised'! I knew I would play on that stage one day ;)
Till Next Time...
3.29.2011
The Lamp on the Foggy Path
...I really don't know how to open this so I'm just going to jump to the story, which isn't a story at all by the way, that got me thinking...which is sometimes a good thing ;)
This literally happened this morning...or yesterday morning. Either way, it was dark and morning time and early and I was just in a mood. Anyways, so I normal walk to work since my job is like right by my house and this morning (or yesterday) I was on my way to an early morning shift. As I was walking, I was reflecting on my rather awkward relationship with God as of recent. The past few weeks I had been using my walk to work as time to chat with God and talk out some things. But this particular morning (which ever morning it was) I felt the urge to talk to Him...and I just couldn't. There was just something there and I was so afraid to be the first to break the silence. I related it to an instance between two friends. They were getting really close; talking to each other on a regular basis, sharing time, secrets, jokes. Then something happens. They both know what happened but one can't seem to confront the other with what is bothering him
Now I know that the relationship between God and His children is way more than friendship but something way deeper. But when you're still getting to know God, like really trying to work towards a deep relationship, you have to start somewhere! It begins with the surface things, builds trust and then grows into something more.
And I have been always wondering where I stood in regard to me and God and in that moment of walking to work, it was revealed where I was. I was finally on my way to a relationship! I know it sounds silly but in that moment I smiled and was just glad that in the midst of all this confusion and questions, light was shed on my position with God.
Then I began to see how was working in me. At Passion, God helped me dig through the crap in my life and reach my foundation. He revealed that I was building my life on something other than Him and is helping me build back up through this rather simple task of getting to know Him. For the first time since giving my life to Christ, I have been able to understand what it means to have relationship. That we don't start out by having this deep and personal relationship, we work towards it! It's literally blowing my mind haha
As for what I will do about school, I have not decided whether to pursue Berklee again. However I know that God has given me a passion for music and that He will use me through music. I just need to continue to trust God no matter what. Even when I don't understand.
Especially when I don't understand.
I just need to 'pick a lane', as Pastor Jimmy had said :)
Just continue to pray as I enter this rather foggy part of my journey. I have faith that things will work together for this little unfinished clay pot ;)
Till Next Time...
This literally happened this morning...or yesterday morning. Either way, it was dark and morning time and early and I was just in a mood. Anyways, so I normal walk to work since my job is like right by my house and this morning (or yesterday) I was on my way to an early morning shift. As I was walking, I was reflecting on my rather awkward relationship with God as of recent. The past few weeks I had been using my walk to work as time to chat with God and talk out some things. But this particular morning (which ever morning it was) I felt the urge to talk to Him...and I just couldn't. There was just something there and I was so afraid to be the first to break the silence. I related it to an instance between two friends. They were getting really close; talking to each other on a regular basis, sharing time, secrets, jokes. Then something happens. They both know what happened but one can't seem to confront the other with what is bothering him
Now I know that the relationship between God and His children is way more than friendship but something way deeper. But when you're still getting to know God, like really trying to work towards a deep relationship, you have to start somewhere! It begins with the surface things, builds trust and then grows into something more.
And I have been always wondering where I stood in regard to me and God and in that moment of walking to work, it was revealed where I was. I was finally on my way to a relationship! I know it sounds silly but in that moment I smiled and was just glad that in the midst of all this confusion and questions, light was shed on my position with God.
Then I began to see how was working in me. At Passion, God helped me dig through the crap in my life and reach my foundation. He revealed that I was building my life on something other than Him and is helping me build back up through this rather simple task of getting to know Him. For the first time since giving my life to Christ, I have been able to understand what it means to have relationship. That we don't start out by having this deep and personal relationship, we work towards it! It's literally blowing my mind haha
As for what I will do about school, I have not decided whether to pursue Berklee again. However I know that God has given me a passion for music and that He will use me through music. I just need to continue to trust God no matter what. Even when I don't understand.
Especially when I don't understand.
I just need to 'pick a lane', as Pastor Jimmy had said :)
Just continue to pray as I enter this rather foggy part of my journey. I have faith that things will work together for this little unfinished clay pot ;)
Till Next Time...
3.27.2011
Well...here it goes...
....There are clear cut moments, as a believer, when you go for something that you really want. Stepping out in faith and really shooting in the dark at something that you are completely trusting God in.
And then the unimaginable happens.
Not the good kind of unimaginable but the kind that makes you sit in silence a moment to try and make sense of something that is clear and tangible in your hands.
Let me just paint the picture here. I received this email on my Blackberry. Like all Berklee emails that have entered my phone since February, I jumped right to opening it. Little did I know...actually, I'm going to copy and paste what I'm talking about from the email I received on Friday because I can't quite paraphrase it well enough:
To say that I was stunned is an understatement.
To say that my heart sank to the very pit of my stomach is an understatement.
But I kept my composure and literally looked up and said "God, what are You doing here? I don't understand."
And I really don't. God created a way, He guided me through the steps to take. There was no halting or hesitation in my heart or in my spirit. I genuinely had hope that God would answer my prayer and send me to the school that I had been dying to go to.
The past two days I have walked on eggshells, dreading when someone would ask about it. And when the time came that someone did, I didn't even have the courage to say they rejected me the day before.
Even typing those words makes me sick.
I mean, I'm not angry. I'm mostly confused and ashamed and it's bringing out all of my feelings of inadequacy that I knew I had but not to this extent.
To be rejected from one school is one thing.
To be rejected from the very same school a year later is a completely different thing.
....I don't even really know what to do. I have no idea what God is doing. I don't know where He wants me. I don't know why He took me through all that to bring me back to the same place I was last year.
I told my parents what happened and my dad told me that I should try again and keep trying till I get in. Sure, that sounds like the beginning of a triumphant story but I don't think my heart can take many more beatings.
It's bad enough to be rejected but I'm going to have to rehash this to everyone that hasn't read this blog. To say that I'm not looking forward to it is a gross understatement.
If you are reading this, I'm going to ask that you continue to pray for me. I'm in a very...awkward place with God. I've really never been more confused in my life. I've been replaying the last month looking for a place that I screwed up. Something I could have done better to avoid this. I know it's not going to do me any good but I have to know why...
Anyways, sorry if that was depressing but I just thought that I owed this blog entry to everyone who was fervently praying for me and continue to. Thank you again by the way :)
Till Next Time...
And then the unimaginable happens.
Not the good kind of unimaginable but the kind that makes you sit in silence a moment to try and make sense of something that is clear and tangible in your hands.
Let me just paint the picture here. I received this email on my Blackberry. Like all Berklee emails that have entered my phone since February, I jumped right to opening it. Little did I know...actually, I'm going to copy and paste what I'm talking about from the email I received on Friday because I can't quite paraphrase it well enough:
Dear Steven:
Thank you for submitting your application for admission to Berklee College of Music. After a careful review and evaluation of your application by our Board of Admissions, we regret to inform you that you have not been admitted to Berklee for the September 2011, fall semester.
Thank you for submitting your application for admission to Berklee College of Music. After a careful review and evaluation of your application by our Board of Admissions, we regret to inform you that you have not been admitted to Berklee for the September 2011, fall semester.
This year's highly competitive application pool, coupled with the limited number of seats available in our entering class, has resulted in many applicants being denied admission, despite their potential to succeed. The Board of Admissions is unable to consider an appeal of this decision.
Should you continue to have an interest in attending Berklee, you are welcome to reapply for the September 2012 semester or beyond.
We wish you every success in your future musical endeavors.
Sincerely,
Damien S. Bracken
Dean of Admissions
Should you continue to have an interest in attending Berklee, you are welcome to reapply for the September 2012 semester or beyond.
We wish you every success in your future musical endeavors.
Sincerely,
Damien S. Bracken
Dean of Admissions
To say that I was stunned is an understatement.
To say that my heart sank to the very pit of my stomach is an understatement.
But I kept my composure and literally looked up and said "God, what are You doing here? I don't understand."
And I really don't. God created a way, He guided me through the steps to take. There was no halting or hesitation in my heart or in my spirit. I genuinely had hope that God would answer my prayer and send me to the school that I had been dying to go to.
The past two days I have walked on eggshells, dreading when someone would ask about it. And when the time came that someone did, I didn't even have the courage to say they rejected me the day before.
Even typing those words makes me sick.
I mean, I'm not angry. I'm mostly confused and ashamed and it's bringing out all of my feelings of inadequacy that I knew I had but not to this extent.
To be rejected from one school is one thing.
To be rejected from the very same school a year later is a completely different thing.
....I don't even really know what to do. I have no idea what God is doing. I don't know where He wants me. I don't know why He took me through all that to bring me back to the same place I was last year.
I told my parents what happened and my dad told me that I should try again and keep trying till I get in. Sure, that sounds like the beginning of a triumphant story but I don't think my heart can take many more beatings.
It's bad enough to be rejected but I'm going to have to rehash this to everyone that hasn't read this blog. To say that I'm not looking forward to it is a gross understatement.
If you are reading this, I'm going to ask that you continue to pray for me. I'm in a very...awkward place with God. I've really never been more confused in my life. I've been replaying the last month looking for a place that I screwed up. Something I could have done better to avoid this. I know it's not going to do me any good but I have to know why...
Anyways, sorry if that was depressing but I just thought that I owed this blog entry to everyone who was fervently praying for me and continue to. Thank you again by the way :)
Till Next Time...
3.21.2011
My Secret Is....
I hate asking myself the hard questions.
Like, 'What do you believe in?'
And, 'What is your secret?', 'What is holding you back in your walk with God?'
Those questions, however helpful, are freakin awful.
I just got back from small group where I found myself tuning in and out the topic at hand to ask myself those questions. I was not prepared to ask myself anything really. In fact, if I was being honest with myself, I really didn't think I needed to ask myself those questions at all.
I mean, I accepted Christ when I was 7 and really started living out my faith when I was 13 or 14 so I felt like I shouldn't really need to ask myself 'What do you believe in?'. Sure those questions are very healthy to ask but just asking them (again, mind you) felt...dirty.
Anyways, small group, really deep stuff.
I began thinking about what was holding me back from living a fulfilled life and I feel like I've known all along but chose to believe it was something else.
The answer I came to admit to myself is that I'm afraid of being vulnerable. It's really the answer to a lot of the problems I have. It's the reason I'm terrified of a relationship with anyone, including God; the reason I struggle with writing music, the reason I am out of touch with many emotions....the list could go on.
It's really to the point that I begin to shake uncontrollably when I start talking about anything that is personal to me. It's like a reflex. My heart starts to open and my brain immediately moves in and says "whoa there! What's going on here? SEAL THE DOORS!" the alarm, the shuddering, goes off and that's that.
I don't know why I'm posting this in a blog, admitting my faults online, but maybe someone somewhere will read this and feel safe knowing that they're not alone.
But I am not satisfied just knowing this about myself. God allows things to be revealed to make us better and to draw us closer to Him and I am determined to fight against this.
"God has not given us the spirit of fear but the spirit of Love and of a sound mind"
It is not God's will for me to live bound by fear and I trust that He will see me through.
Till Next Time...
P.S. Totally thought I got off easy Sunday because I thought, 'I don't have a secret! Psh!'...this is way worst because of the false hope....lol
Like, 'What do you believe in?'
And, 'What is your secret?', 'What is holding you back in your walk with God?'
Those questions, however helpful, are freakin awful.
I just got back from small group where I found myself tuning in and out the topic at hand to ask myself those questions. I was not prepared to ask myself anything really. In fact, if I was being honest with myself, I really didn't think I needed to ask myself those questions at all.
I mean, I accepted Christ when I was 7 and really started living out my faith when I was 13 or 14 so I felt like I shouldn't really need to ask myself 'What do you believe in?'. Sure those questions are very healthy to ask but just asking them (again, mind you) felt...dirty.
Anyways, small group, really deep stuff.
I began thinking about what was holding me back from living a fulfilled life and I feel like I've known all along but chose to believe it was something else.
The answer I came to admit to myself is that I'm afraid of being vulnerable. It's really the answer to a lot of the problems I have. It's the reason I'm terrified of a relationship with anyone, including God; the reason I struggle with writing music, the reason I am out of touch with many emotions....the list could go on.
It's really to the point that I begin to shake uncontrollably when I start talking about anything that is personal to me. It's like a reflex. My heart starts to open and my brain immediately moves in and says "whoa there! What's going on here? SEAL THE DOORS!" the alarm, the shuddering, goes off and that's that.
I don't know why I'm posting this in a blog, admitting my faults online, but maybe someone somewhere will read this and feel safe knowing that they're not alone.
But I am not satisfied just knowing this about myself. God allows things to be revealed to make us better and to draw us closer to Him and I am determined to fight against this.
"God has not given us the spirit of fear but the spirit of Love and of a sound mind"
It is not God's will for me to live bound by fear and I trust that He will see me through.
Till Next Time...
P.S. Totally thought I got off easy Sunday because I thought, 'I don't have a secret! Psh!'...this is way worst because of the false hope....lol
3.17.2011
Let The Patience Games BEGIN...
God apparently is a big fan of this whole patience thing.
It's been almost two weeks since my audition in Boston and I feel like I've been in Raleigh for AGES! It's very hard for me to wait till the end of the month to find out if I got into the school I've been trying to get into for a year.
But through this, God is showing me all the great supportive people I have around me! I say it all the time but it blows me away knowing that all these people are praying for me because they not only believe in me but they believe in what God is doing. It's just remarkable.
Another thing I'm doing during this waiting period is settling in my heart about how things will turn out. I know that God is faithful but the every persistent enemy keeps reminding me about last year. About the sinking gut feeling that I felt when I got my 'not-acceptance' email.
It's scary going back to the beginning of a very dark emotional period in my life. But I'm having faith. I can't predict what will happen but I know that God is faithful. I keep reminding myself that God is faithful. He paved a way and I walked. He is faithful to finish the work He has started in me. All I can do is trust in Him and His plan and walk in faith. This is all very new to me but I don't think I'm doing so shabby eh? haha!
And for those who have been asking about the details of my audition, here they go!
I played "Found" by Hillsong. I did my own interpretation based on the original version. Not the Savior King version. And I sang along with it as well which is a huge deal. I don't sing very often in front of people in a serious way but now that I've done it here, I think I'll be singing a lot more :) Anyways, I played it well! Definitely was fighting off nerves and messed up some chording but I stayed in key so there's that glimmer of hope haha
I hear back from Berklee on March 31st. I'm sure I'll blog about the answer and my facebook/twitter will be swarmed with the news haha
Till Next Time...
It's been almost two weeks since my audition in Boston and I feel like I've been in Raleigh for AGES! It's very hard for me to wait till the end of the month to find out if I got into the school I've been trying to get into for a year.
But through this, God is showing me all the great supportive people I have around me! I say it all the time but it blows me away knowing that all these people are praying for me because they not only believe in me but they believe in what God is doing. It's just remarkable.
Another thing I'm doing during this waiting period is settling in my heart about how things will turn out. I know that God is faithful but the every persistent enemy keeps reminding me about last year. About the sinking gut feeling that I felt when I got my 'not-acceptance' email.
It's scary going back to the beginning of a very dark emotional period in my life. But I'm having faith. I can't predict what will happen but I know that God is faithful. I keep reminding myself that God is faithful. He paved a way and I walked. He is faithful to finish the work He has started in me. All I can do is trust in Him and His plan and walk in faith. This is all very new to me but I don't think I'm doing so shabby eh? haha!
And for those who have been asking about the details of my audition, here they go!
I played "Found" by Hillsong. I did my own interpretation based on the original version. Not the Savior King version. And I sang along with it as well which is a huge deal. I don't sing very often in front of people in a serious way but now that I've done it here, I think I'll be singing a lot more :) Anyways, I played it well! Definitely was fighting off nerves and messed up some chording but I stayed in key so there's that glimmer of hope haha
I hear back from Berklee on March 31st. I'm sure I'll blog about the answer and my facebook/twitter will be swarmed with the news haha
Till Next Time...
3.04.2011
Struck Down...But Not Destroyed...
Welp! I'm heeeeere!
The long awaited Berklee Audition weekend has finally arrived and now that I am here, I'm not sure what to do with myself! There's no itinerary, no deadlines. I feel like the entire city is at my fingertips and it's a good feeling to say the very least.
God has really been blessing me the past couple of days before my initial flight out. Like even in the (seemingly) small things like covering my shifts for the weekend, providing ample finances and surrounding me with a level of support that I couldn't even dream of! I have so many people praying for me simply because they love me and believe in what God is doing in me! It's so humbling seeing the outpour of love and prayer all around me and I can't do anything but say thanks and direct it back to God because He's the one that matters in the end.
Tomorrow I will audition for the school I've been dreaming about going to for the past couple of years. But this isn't just any ol' audition.
This is a movement of faith.
The last time I was up here, I was a very different Steven. Just looking for a way to escape my problems and using Berklee as an excuse. I was so stressed and then have the entire thing fall apart at my feet was devastating.
Although I had told people "maybe next year!", inside I was angry. Furious at God for not giving me what I wanted and in the timing that I wanted it.
In retrospect, I can see God loved me and was probably just nodding His head as I shouted at Him. And I can see that He knew what was right. He broke me down because He knew I was building on the wrong foundation. He renewed my passion for music and introduced to me what it truly means to worship Him with all of my heart and ability. I gained knowledge and, finally, courage to apply again after my 'defeat'.
Now I'm here! There's little, if any, stress, a freeness that I can't begin to explain and a 'do your thing' attitude towards God haha He's going to rock my freakin world and I can't wait! I can't help but smile as I walk down these streets knowing that God has brought me back with a determination and a passion to carry His name wherever He may have me.
Please continue to pray for my safety and for my sense of direction lol Audition is tomorrow and I'm sure I'll post a 'post-audition' blog. :)
Till Next Time!
The long awaited Berklee Audition weekend has finally arrived and now that I am here, I'm not sure what to do with myself! There's no itinerary, no deadlines. I feel like the entire city is at my fingertips and it's a good feeling to say the very least.
God has really been blessing me the past couple of days before my initial flight out. Like even in the (seemingly) small things like covering my shifts for the weekend, providing ample finances and surrounding me with a level of support that I couldn't even dream of! I have so many people praying for me simply because they love me and believe in what God is doing in me! It's so humbling seeing the outpour of love and prayer all around me and I can't do anything but say thanks and direct it back to God because He's the one that matters in the end.
Tomorrow I will audition for the school I've been dreaming about going to for the past couple of years. But this isn't just any ol' audition.
This is a movement of faith.
The last time I was up here, I was a very different Steven. Just looking for a way to escape my problems and using Berklee as an excuse. I was so stressed and then have the entire thing fall apart at my feet was devastating.
Although I had told people "maybe next year!", inside I was angry. Furious at God for not giving me what I wanted and in the timing that I wanted it.
In retrospect, I can see God loved me and was probably just nodding His head as I shouted at Him. And I can see that He knew what was right. He broke me down because He knew I was building on the wrong foundation. He renewed my passion for music and introduced to me what it truly means to worship Him with all of my heart and ability. I gained knowledge and, finally, courage to apply again after my 'defeat'.
Now I'm here! There's little, if any, stress, a freeness that I can't begin to explain and a 'do your thing' attitude towards God haha He's going to rock my freakin world and I can't wait! I can't help but smile as I walk down these streets knowing that God has brought me back with a determination and a passion to carry His name wherever He may have me.
Please continue to pray for my safety and for my sense of direction lol Audition is tomorrow and I'm sure I'll post a 'post-audition' blog. :)
Till Next Time!
2.23.2011
I Will Wait For You...
If I could have spoken any sooner, I would have been prophetic.
It has literally been like 3 days since I came back from playing the most awesome conference in Charlotte, with the most awesome people ever and already I'm back to the grind.
Monday was a bit of a tug of war.
It was President's Day, I was hanging out with my family, the weather was amazing but in the back of my mind I kept remembering all the things I had to get done.
Practicing songs for this weekend at Journey...
Picking a song for my audition...
Making schedules...
Work....
Shall I go on?
Like even now, just typing that out is putting me into a mental frenzy. Deadlines deadlines deadlines and I am left feeling unprepared.
Even through all the progress I've made with that list, I still feel like I need an extra week just to catch up with my life!
And as always, when there is a moment of quiet where I'm not fraught with worry, I reflect on how God could see the situation.
There's a song that I literally just finished listening to, covered by my brilliant and talented friend Tawny, and it talks about this very subject! Imagine that! Haha
It's about how in the madness of life and the busyness, we have to find a place where God can speak to us.
Enjoy!
Till Next Time...
It has literally been like 3 days since I came back from playing the most awesome conference in Charlotte, with the most awesome people ever and already I'm back to the grind.
Monday was a bit of a tug of war.
It was President's Day, I was hanging out with my family, the weather was amazing but in the back of my mind I kept remembering all the things I had to get done.
Practicing songs for this weekend at Journey...
Picking a song for my audition...
Making schedules...
Work....
Shall I go on?
Like even now, just typing that out is putting me into a mental frenzy. Deadlines deadlines deadlines and I am left feeling unprepared.
Even through all the progress I've made with that list, I still feel like I need an extra week just to catch up with my life!
And as always, when there is a moment of quiet where I'm not fraught with worry, I reflect on how God could see the situation.
There's a song that I literally just finished listening to, covered by my brilliant and talented friend Tawny, and it talks about this very subject! Imagine that! Haha
It's about how in the madness of life and the busyness, we have to find a place where God can speak to us.
Enjoy!
Till Next Time...
2.19.2011
Greek IV Conference Post-Friday Session
We're here!
I'm so thrilled to be back playing for the Greek Conference. I've looked forward to this since I was asked to play again.
Last night was the first full day of preparation for the conference. We spent our entire morning getting equipment from all over which I found brilliant. Caleb, our drummer, has connections in Charlotte. He pooled his resources to get us mics, cords, speakers and a bunch of other stuff that was just beyond me haha We're even staying with his ever-so-gracious parents who have accommodated us extremely well.
Anyways, we got things set up, met some of the staff and ran through the set for hours until we got it right.
And it was so worth it.
When we stepped onto that stage, I could just feel the excitement building. Or maybe it was just me and my nerves lol
But I immediately started praying for the set and for the people out in the room. And for God to not let me screw up...but God doesn't really answer that specific prayer always haha I think it's just to keep me humble and I'm very okay with that. :)
Then the first song started.
It was brilliant!
The students were so pumped and responded so well. They were singing back in a way reminiscent of Passion Conference! I couldn't help being drawn away from worrying about chording to the sound of a couple hundred students singing out to God.
Needless to say, it was one of the best experiences in worship I've had in a while :)
So, that was short and kind of vague BUT we are about to leave again for a rehearsal so till next time! :)
I'm so thrilled to be back playing for the Greek Conference. I've looked forward to this since I was asked to play again.
Last night was the first full day of preparation for the conference. We spent our entire morning getting equipment from all over which I found brilliant. Caleb, our drummer, has connections in Charlotte. He pooled his resources to get us mics, cords, speakers and a bunch of other stuff that was just beyond me haha We're even staying with his ever-so-gracious parents who have accommodated us extremely well.
Anyways, we got things set up, met some of the staff and ran through the set for hours until we got it right.
And it was so worth it.
When we stepped onto that stage, I could just feel the excitement building. Or maybe it was just me and my nerves lol
But I immediately started praying for the set and for the people out in the room. And for God to not let me screw up...but God doesn't really answer that specific prayer always haha I think it's just to keep me humble and I'm very okay with that. :)
Then the first song started.
It was brilliant!
The students were so pumped and responded so well. They were singing back in a way reminiscent of Passion Conference! I couldn't help being drawn away from worrying about chording to the sound of a couple hundred students singing out to God.
Needless to say, it was one of the best experiences in worship I've had in a while :)
So, that was short and kind of vague BUT we are about to leave again for a rehearsal so till next time! :)
2.16.2011
A Dash of Reflection...
Hmm...well this is interesting...
For the first time in my life, I feel like progress is being made; like hope is on the horizon, gleaming. Filling me with warmth and pushing me to strive on further.
I am, of course, talking about music stuff.
For the first time I actually feel like a musician. I've been playing for years, pushing forward, trying my hardest to 'make it' but now I think I'm starting to understand what it really means to be one.
The past couple of years haven't exactly been peachy, both musically and personally. Some people (:ahem mom & dad:) more than others can attest to that but I can see how it has shaped me into the Steven Sharpe sitting here writing this.
I feel like God is very cleverly showing Himself actively in my life finally! I know He was always there dropping hints but now I can see it. Just in the subtleties of life and how He throws a dash of this or that to shift my perspective in a positive way. And the evidence of that couldn't be found more than in the way I play my music.
He revealed my heart to myself and I was in awe at how real it was.
God changed my focus from 'me' back to 'Him'. I stopped looking for musically opportunities to benefit myself and began listening and waiting for Him to work His plan in my life. Now things are looking up! I have an awesome friend teaching me sheet music, a great opportunity coming up in the next couple of weeks and I'm leaving tomorrow for the Greek Intervarsity Conference in Charlotte with some of my favorite people to play music with!
Makes me so excited and eager to see what God has in store for me. I know He will have His way. I only want to let Him.
So with that being said, I'm going to continue practicing (and packing...gosh lol). I just ask that you pray for me and the team heading to Charlotte tomorrow night. Pray that we have safe travels and that we stay focused on God so to be able to effectively minister to these university students through worship.
Thanks! :)
Till Next Time...
For the first time in my life, I feel like progress is being made; like hope is on the horizon, gleaming. Filling me with warmth and pushing me to strive on further.
I am, of course, talking about music stuff.
For the first time I actually feel like a musician. I've been playing for years, pushing forward, trying my hardest to 'make it' but now I think I'm starting to understand what it really means to be one.
The past couple of years haven't exactly been peachy, both musically and personally. Some people (:ahem mom & dad:) more than others can attest to that but I can see how it has shaped me into the Steven Sharpe sitting here writing this.
I feel like God is very cleverly showing Himself actively in my life finally! I know He was always there dropping hints but now I can see it. Just in the subtleties of life and how He throws a dash of this or that to shift my perspective in a positive way. And the evidence of that couldn't be found more than in the way I play my music.
He revealed my heart to myself and I was in awe at how real it was.
God changed my focus from 'me' back to 'Him'. I stopped looking for musically opportunities to benefit myself and began listening and waiting for Him to work His plan in my life. Now things are looking up! I have an awesome friend teaching me sheet music, a great opportunity coming up in the next couple of weeks and I'm leaving tomorrow for the Greek Intervarsity Conference in Charlotte with some of my favorite people to play music with!
Makes me so excited and eager to see what God has in store for me. I know He will have His way. I only want to let Him.
So with that being said, I'm going to continue practicing (and packing...gosh lol). I just ask that you pray for me and the team heading to Charlotte tomorrow night. Pray that we have safe travels and that we stay focused on God so to be able to effectively minister to these university students through worship.
Thanks! :)
Till Next Time...
2.08.2011
It's All A Process Apparently...
It's so amazing how quickly I get under something that I got over.
Like being disappointed over things I can't control. It's a complete waste of time and I know it. But the minute that I'm determined to dwell in the present and be thankful.
BOOM.
POW.
I'm back in business.
It's a stupid business.
And it's frustrating! How, if I am in freedom, keep loading up the chains? Paul spoke about this in one of his letters and it's so honest. It's like the most honest statement in the Bible in my opinion. He does things he doesn't want to do and the things he wants to do, he can't find himself doing.
It's an endless cycle of wishing and washing and battling against the sinful nature that is embedded into my every fiber. It really does make my skin crawl.
And the most frustrating part is that people pretend that there's nothing wrong! Like, hellooooo do you not see the problem here? This is what you should be doing and this is not. You are in the not. It's frustrates the crap out of me. When will it end? When will we stop lying to ourselves and others and just admit we are faulty and go to God.
I know I am the last person to be saying this because I have the hardest time asking for help for anything. From God. People. Anyone. And currently, I'm not really happy with God at the moment.
Just being honest.
But I know the truth. We just have to open our hearts and let Jesus hammer away at us. We are His little sculptures. Especially crafted. Handmade by the Creator. He has the final end in mind and is molding us till we complete the masterpiece He has set us.
Now when you think of it in that way, it sounds so poetic, right?
Wonderful process but it's so painful.
Sorry about the rant. I think I was long over-due for one. And congrats for getting all the way to the end! You're a trooper :)
Till Next Time
Like being disappointed over things I can't control. It's a complete waste of time and I know it. But the minute that I'm determined to dwell in the present and be thankful.
BOOM.
POW.
I'm back in business.
It's a stupid business.
And it's frustrating! How, if I am in freedom, keep loading up the chains? Paul spoke about this in one of his letters and it's so honest. It's like the most honest statement in the Bible in my opinion. He does things he doesn't want to do and the things he wants to do, he can't find himself doing.
It's an endless cycle of wishing and washing and battling against the sinful nature that is embedded into my every fiber. It really does make my skin crawl.
And the most frustrating part is that people pretend that there's nothing wrong! Like, hellooooo do you not see the problem here? This is what you should be doing and this is not. You are in the not. It's frustrates the crap out of me. When will it end? When will we stop lying to ourselves and others and just admit we are faulty and go to God.
I know I am the last person to be saying this because I have the hardest time asking for help for anything. From God. People. Anyone. And currently, I'm not really happy with God at the moment.
Just being honest.
But I know the truth. We just have to open our hearts and let Jesus hammer away at us. We are His little sculptures. Especially crafted. Handmade by the Creator. He has the final end in mind and is molding us till we complete the masterpiece He has set us.
Now when you think of it in that way, it sounds so poetic, right?
Wonderful process but it's so painful.
Sorry about the rant. I think I was long over-due for one. And congrats for getting all the way to the end! You're a trooper :)
Till Next Time
1.31.2011
Restart:To Start Anew...
I cannot begin to tell you how many blogs have been started and then died a slow death by my hands.
But the great thing about life is that there are always moments to start over. :)
My current restart is The Sculptor's Shop. The name comes from my favorite quote from C.S. Lewis in his book Mere Christianity where he states:
And further, a passage in 2 Corinthians 4:7 "But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us"
I just think that is a great foundation to start on considering what has happened in the past couple of months.
The first of January, I went to the Passion Conference with a few of my friends and let me tell you, it was the most eye-opening couple of days of my entire life. Not only was I around 20,000 other college students who believe in the same God that I believe in, but I was able to shift the way I think about things and allow God to work in my life. When I came back, I had to make some hard choices but just knowing that I am in God's hands and He is molding and making me into the image of His Son is...WOW! Haha! It's so thrilling. I could try and explain it but you would really have to experience it for yourself :)
Anywho, that was just my 'little' introduction to my bloggy blog. Feel free to comment and/or follow my blog. I won't complain lol
Till Next Time....
But the great thing about life is that there are always moments to start over. :)
My current restart is The Sculptor's Shop. The name comes from my favorite quote from C.S. Lewis in his book Mere Christianity where he states:
This world is a great sculptor’s shop. We are the statues and there’s a rumor going around the shop that some of us are someday going to come to life.That quote reminds me of the passage in Jeremiah 18:3-4 "So I went down to the potter’s house, and I saw him working at the wheel. But the pot he was shaping from the clay was marred in his hands; so the potter formed it into another pot, shaping it as seemed best to him"
And further, a passage in 2 Corinthians 4:7 "But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us"
I just think that is a great foundation to start on considering what has happened in the past couple of months.
The first of January, I went to the Passion Conference with a few of my friends and let me tell you, it was the most eye-opening couple of days of my entire life. Not only was I around 20,000 other college students who believe in the same God that I believe in, but I was able to shift the way I think about things and allow God to work in my life. When I came back, I had to make some hard choices but just knowing that I am in God's hands and He is molding and making me into the image of His Son is...WOW! Haha! It's so thrilling. I could try and explain it but you would really have to experience it for yourself :)
Anywho, that was just my 'little' introduction to my bloggy blog. Feel free to comment and/or follow my blog. I won't complain lol
Till Next Time....
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