Detour...

In every journey, there are stops and starts.

This happens to be my detour...

As many of you know, I am gearing up to leave the country for school. Super crazy and stressful. Did I mention stressful? Especially when things don't quite go as planned. My original plan was to apply for a bunch of scholarships and also apply for a loan for the rest of my expenses (ex. Visa costs, moving costs, flights). However, when I went to apply for the loan, they were about to deny me but asked instead for a co-signer. I never wanted a co-signer. It wasn't just that I didn't want help; I need all the help I can get. It was more to the fact that this was my decision. I never wanted anyone else to have to sacrifice anything for me. I've supported myself through the entirety of my college experience(s) and I wasn't really prepared to have to bring in someone else. 

Never mind the fact that there was no one else to bring in. 

You can imagine my distress. This was the plan. Apply for scholarships. Apply for loans. Go to Kingston. This needed this to work because it was the only plan I could see. My hope began to fail. One of my reservations about college in the first place was finances and now it looked like it was going to be my undoing...

But there is no denying that God has placed this on my life. There is nothing I feel more strongly than me being in England. The draw has been there since I was little and has only grown stronger the more I  have gotten older. 

Someone once said that God uses our circumstances to show Himself off. Someone else said that God is privy to our circumstances; our cries and distresses. He is not ignorant to our situation and I have to keep that in mind for me or else I will go insane. 

It's still taking every ounce of courage and strength to even say "I'm going" rather than "I might go" but I will continue to say that I'm going. 'When' not 'if'. I must remain faith-filled and speak things as they are already. This goes against everything my brain tells me. I've talked about this before about me being a planner. I need to see what's around the corner and I need to plan accordingly. I like to control the situation. But in controlling the situation, I take responsibility for the outcome. Whether that be good or bad, it's on me. 

So, in this current season of doubt and uncertainty, I must hold on to the things I know:

God is faithful.

God sees.

God hears.

Faith is not seeing, it's believing in the Author of Faith. 

Anything that happens does not escape the eye of God. 

God knows my heart and how much this is painful for me. 

If you're reading this, please continue to pray. I'm still trusting in God but my brain keeps seeing Kingston slipping through my fingers and that scares me. I know there are other ways to move to Europe but I've put a lot into this and to see it crumble will be so humiliating...

Anyways, thanks everyone :)

Till Next Time...

An Offer...

I still get chills when I think about it.

I got an offer from Kingston University. I'll be moving to England in September.

I never thought I would be able to say that but it's true! AHHHHHHH! I'm practically bursting with unadulterated joy!

I keep replaying that day in my head. I got the email from UCAS that there was a change to my application and I flipped as always when I get a UCAS email. I went to try and access it but I had my personal ID number saved on Anderson (my laptop...don't judge me..)! So I soldiered through my shift at work and finally was able to leave and make my way home.

The whole way, I kept thinking over scenarios. "What if it's not an offer? What if they just want to verify my address?" "What if it is an offer?" "What if I didn't get in?"

That last one was the worst.

I mulled everything over and prepared myself. I don't remember praying about it but I know my heart was.

As I walked up to my house, I stopped and said out loud to myself, "No matter what happens from this, this is not over. I will go to England and I will live out my dream."

And that was that.

I walked into my house with a new confidence, marched to Anderson and pulled up UCAS Track.

And there it was.

Kingston University --- Unconditional 

For those who are American or are unfamiliar with the way UCAS applications work, the universities send you offers to the programme that you apply to. I applied to Kingston for journalism so the journalism department was the one who would make the decision whether to offer me a place at the university. There are 3 kinds of offers that can be made: unconditional, conditional, or no offer. An unconditional offer means that I do not have to fulfill any extra requirements for a place at the university.

I was give an unconditional offer.

And I was ELATED.

For the next hour, I went through sporadic bouts of tears, laughter, and disbelief. Needless to say, I made sure everyone knew about it and I haven't shut up about it since! Every time I think about it, I thank God because honestly, He's the only reason I got a place.

I even got an email from someone telling me that on my academics alone, I probably wouldn't have been offered a place. Well, he didn't say it in those words but he said that my grades were lower than what they usually accept but because of the personal statement that I made, he was willing to reconsider.

Completely a God thing and I am in awe of His favour.

I love that the personal statement that cut me off from applying to other universities was one of the deciding factors in getting me an offer. Crazy!

Now I have to figure out what the next step is. It's so early to begin doing everything because the Fall 2012 term has pretty much just started! Haha I was expecting to hear something around March but this is unprecedented. God not only has granted me a place at this university but a buttload of time.

Seeing God work in my life in such a way is so encouraging. It makes me want to trust Him more because things keep happening that are completely above me. Since He has given me this place, I know He will provide the other things that are needed to get me there. Money being paramount haha

For the first time in quite a while, I am not afraid. I am not nervous. I am confident. I know God's got this and I am very willing to allow Him to take the reins on this one. :)

Continue to pray for me through this process! Although September is a long way off, I still need to be wise about the time that is spent as well as the money that is spent! My shopping spree days have been shelved and now is the time to baten down the hatches and push forward!

Also I start my new job at The Limited today so wish me luck!! :)

Till Next Time...

Playing Catch Up (With My Life)

Goodness! It has been a while. Let's recap:

Last time I posted, I had just started ConStruct and announced that I was going to apply to Kingston University.

Well, ConStruct has been moving along quite well. Still trying to get my feet under me but it's happening! There are times when I feel completely unqualified and I don't know how to be qualified but that's all apart of the journey, right? Life wouldn't be life without some challenges, ya know?

As far as university goes, I've already applied! I sent out my application about a week and a half/two weeks ago and it's been crazy! I can't believe this is happening. I got my welcome package from the company that handles the UK university applications and literally had to calm myself down. Not because I was excited but because I was freaking. out. I think it was shock, mostly, but I also think it was because I realized that there's really no turning back. I've set this in motion and I have to see it through. I can't bow out now that I'm soooo close to getting to Europe, my childhood dream.

Things for Europe 2013 are shaping up well! I've booked my stay in London and Paris and paid for all my flights. This is also surreal. I never in a million years thought that I would get to say, "I'm going to Europe in January." It just sounds so cool to say! I'm sure people are completely sick of me talking about it but that's why God created earplugs. I will not be quiet. Just sit there and be jealous.

Everything else has been pretty interesting. My best friend moved to Ireland on Wednesday and I have to say, it was one of the hardest things I've experienced. Even though I know I'll be seeing her in January and we'll be seeing more of each other in Europe, it was hard just to know that she wasn't going to live 20 minutes away anymore. I wouldn't be able to just call her up and schedule a lunch/coffee date. But the fact that she is happy in Ireland is helping a lot. As her friend, I should be supporting her despite my feelings. I will never impose my feelings on her decisions simply because 1. that's manipulation; 2. it's already hard for her to leave, I shouldn't make things harder; and 3. I would be hindering her from her happiness. That's not okay.

Work has been good. I officially finish working at Old Navy this week. It was quite a run but I'm glad it's over. I have a new mistress now and she has twin tails, caffeine, and a voice that draws sailors to their deaths. Starbucks, may we make sweet lattes together.

Oh! And Wake Tech is fin. Since none of my credits will transfer to university, I've decided to hold off with my classes and focus on preparing for England. So there's that.

This is such an odd post! Soon I will have to post something of relevance to society. I need some of those in my life. In the meantime, if you are not following ConStruct or its twitter page, you should be ashamed of yourself! If you love me, you'll do these things ;)

Clearly I'm not above guilt trips...

Anyways,

Till Next Time...

The Anchor...

So I'm sitting here, looking at my class schedule for fall semester and just thinking about so many things.

Yesterday, I registered for all the classes I wanted to take (minus Spanish 111 and History 111 :/) and suddenly I was plagued by all kinds of worry. See, the classes I'm taking are on campus. All of them, minus my Political Science course which is online. This started the snowball of terror about a car, then about paying for classes, paying for books, scolding myself for buying everything this year and countless other things. It finally came to the point, when I was trying to take a nap before work, that I just said, "God, I need peace. There's no freaking way I can do this anymore; all the worrying and fear. I need you to take it." It was at that moment that I started going through my Bible app (I'm such a modern Christian...) and reading passages about peace and being imperfect. I was reminded of God's love and how Jesus wasn't worried when He had so much to worry about. There's a passage in John where Jesus is praying before He's about to be betrayed. He didn't whine to God about how afraid he was, nor did he ask God to give him peace. He knew that God knew what He was doing and in the prayer he prayed, He prayed for us, the future believers in Christ. He prayed that we would receive the same joy that was imparted to him by God, that we would be with him in Heaven and that we would have everything that Jesus had and more! That brought such great perspective! Here I am worrying about my life and how it's going to pan out in the next couple months when Jesus was about to die for the sins of the world and he prayed for people he did not even meet yet.

I say all that to say that I'm done with the worrying. It's stupid and I say that all the time but it really is. I'm quickly discovering how much of a worrier I am and I need to take steps to combat that. With knowledge comes responsibility. Now that I know, I have a mandate to take action, for I lose all rights to complain or worry when I know what combats that and that's getting into the word; bringing myself perspective through reading my Bible and reminding myself that there's so much more to this life. My life is such a flicker so I should be making more of it other than aging myself ungracefully with worry!

This is all coming after a couple of months where I've felt really really distant from God. I don't remember a time in my life where I was so challenged in my faith and how much of a grip God has on my heart. I've realized that whether I read my Bible or pray or even go to meet with my church, music will be the one thing that I will not stop doing. God knows this and He has made worship my anchor in Him and He, my anchor to this world. Worship music is my passion and whenever I start to doubt, God will manage to put me in a situation where I have to come before Him with my music. I don't know any other way to play music than to come before God and that...there's really no describing how interesting that is haha When you're questioning God and faith and then brought to a situation where you are placed in a spot directly in front of Him. It's both confusing and reassuring at the same time. In that moment of playing, I feel God's realness and at the time it kind of made me mad but looking back, it was the only thing keeping me from stepping away from God, to be completely honest. I'm coming through this pretty beaten up but I know my best days are ahead of me. I'm still being molded and shaped and tempered but I still have God and he has me so I'm golden! 


If I could just ask that you all keep me in your prayer. Pray that I pursue God with a recklessness. I'm tired of being safe with God. It's kind of boring haha Also pray that God helps me see what He's doing in the next couple of months and that he continues to provide. Looking back at everything, I'm seeing how much God has provided and suddenly my worry seems meaningless. God had my back so there should not be a reason He still wouldn't have my back. I've already decided that my education is priority and that I need to do whatever it takes; even if it means I have to walk 30 minutes to school every single day. I'm not going to let things get in my way. I have a desire to learn and God will help me, of this I am assured. 


Till Next Time...

A Couple Spiels Equals A Long(ish) Update

I'm a very bad blogger.
Very bad.
I'm sorry reader people.

Anyways, if you have been following me on any part of social media, you know that the semester is over!  It's actually been over for weeks but I've been...okay, I've been lazy but I have an excuse. The week that school ended was the week that I suddenly received an influx of hours at the Starbucks. The next week after that, Dad started a new job! In Cary. Well, he's training elsewhere but it's not at North Hills so that meant that I had to get inventive on how I was getting to work. This brings me to the most wonderful part of not having a car: public transportation! More specifically, busses. *insert sarcastic 'yay'* Since this is not the Tri-state area (New York/New Jersey/Pennsylvania for all you southern people), it means that the public transportation system  is awful in every sense of the word. The bus that runs from my house to North Hills runs hourly. Which means if I have to be at work at 9 am, in order to get there on time, I must wake up at 7:30 am to get ready and be at the stop by 8:15 when it takes off. Then I have to pray that it's not late. Does not make for a very happy Steven.

And let's not even start with 'bus people'. I think I could write for ages all the ridiculous things I've seen in the past few weeks...

The short of that long spiel was to say that I've been really busy and frustrated.

Relying on outside things to make my life function properly is getting old. I can just feel the pressure building in my head and my heart. I'm hoping when I explode all of my anger and frustration, it won't be on a family member because that never ends well.

In other news, I love my job at Starbucks! Everyone is great, the customers are fairly nice and the job is challenging which is interesting but it's what I need. Also, tips every week. Praise the Lord. Financially, I've never been better. I'm on the road to recovery since my bout with the department store.....
In case you were wondering (or in case you weren't wondering...), I'm still working at Old Navy; much less than before but still. Things are actually improving there so I'm going to stick around until it gets bad or until my schedule no longer permits aka when school starts in August.

Speaking of school, I've never been more bored than the past couple of weeks. When I'm not at work or hanging out with friends, I'm sitting in my room on my computer for all hours of the day. It's unhealthy. Literally. I think I've gained like 5 pounds sitting here.
I would love to say that I've been sitting at this computer writing my heart out but that is only half true. Mostly I've been on Facebook/Twitter/Tumblr/Pinterest/YouTube/Hulu/StumbleUpon.
Not healthy at all.
Seriously, I'm going to need to find something productive to do before I end up shaving my head simply because I was bored.
....Okay that was an extreme but I would really like something constructive to do this summer besides shop.

Speaking of shopping, LifeCity just bought themselves a keyboard! This means that I can finally play at the church I attend! Yay!
I actually played on Sunday and it was so refreshing to be up and playing songs and...AH! It was great. Wonderful even. But this also means that I'll be stepping up and actually lead things. The Wednesday before last I actually led songs for my missional community.
Like, by myself.
Singing included.
That's never happened for me and it was awesome to be able to do that. I feel honoured that LifeCity would even trust me to do something like that. I was telling one of my friends that if I were still at Journey, I'm pretty sure I would have never had the opportunity to lead worship songs as far as singing is concerned. This is yet another sign that I made the right move. I told God, after trying to do vocals for the Journey worship team and failing, that if He wanted me to sing, He would have to make it happen. And He did! I'm so stoked about what God's going to do next with LifeCity and how I fit into the plan :)

Alrighty! Well that was a fun update! A little scattered but whatevs :)
I promise there will be a more focused blog soon.
Seriously.

Continue to pray for me as you see fit. I greatly appreciate it!

Till Next Time....

Say/Do

Last week, LifeCity started meeting during the week as a missional community. Now, if you don't know what missional community is all about, essentially it is a group of about 15 to 20 people who gather for the specific purpose to grow in their walk with Christ and to reach out to people in their communities. It's really beautiful and worth a look-see. (*SEE BOTTOM!*) Anyways, we talked about the church and what it means to "be the church" and not "go to church". There is this idea that people "go to church" which is actually incorrect theology. We are the church. Everywhere we go, we are the church.

This got me thinking about the church, the mission of the church, our responsibility as the church and a bunch of other things. I was super quiet in our meeting simply because I was processing through all this information and drawing connections and getting a better understanding. But now I'm ready to talk! Now, to preface, I'm not a Bible scholar (surprise!). I'm simply seeing and responding to what I see.

I feel like the church as a whole is kind of going through a bit of reform of sorts. We've gotten so accustomed to saying, "we're going to church guys!" that we've kind of lost track of what we're actually doing. Some of us know that we're saying, "we are the church, we're just going to a building" but, thankfully, people don't know what we are thinking! We, as the church, cannot continue to go around saying, "we're going to church" simply because people who are not in the church begin to foster an incorrect ideology that the church is a building and not a body of people. They are, in essence, being deceived and therefore changing any type of idea they had about the church. We, as the church, need to say what we mean and not just expect people to just know. This extends all ways of life but this is most essential in the church. I feel like the church as a whole is needing to backpedal and say, "hey, we're sorry for saying this. We actually meant to say this," to billions of people. And if you think we don't, just ask someone what they think about the church. Chances are that you're not going to get nice answers and the word that might surface is the word hypocrisy because the church is saying one thing and doing another.

This change of thought is what is going to revive the church. Saying that, "we are the church" is a manner of ownership. We are taking responsibility over our faith and challenging ourselves in the process to be the face of the church because, I mean, we are. Every where we go. Everyone we talk to. We are direct representations of the church as a whole whether it is fair or not. People who have no idea of the church are watching what you do at every moment and they will judge the church as a whole based on what you do. Yes, that is a great burden to bear but what a beautiful burden it is! Jesus, by calling you to be apart of His family, is essentially saying, "I trust you to represent my church everywhere you go. I have confidence in you to carry My Name well."

I get chills when I think about that.


This is what it means to be an ambassador for Christ. And as ambassadors, we have a responsibility that if we see a need, we shouldn't need to send them to a pastor or an elder, we should gladly move forward and help fulfill the need. This reminds me when the disciples sent the sick to Jesus not realizing that the same power that rested in Christ also rested within them.

Can you imagine if they came to that realization? Imagine the impact.

Now apply that to today.

Do you see?

I think people are actually kind of terrified by saying, "we are the church" otherwise we would jump to the opportunity to say it. By saying, "I am the church" we're are slapping a spotlight on our lives and suddenly everything counts. Our lives suddenly have a standard to live up to and people are afraid to embark on that. And I'm no exception! I think it's terrifying to think that my life as a whole is a direct representation of how people perceive the church. But I mean, that's small compared to the fact that Christ gave His entire life for us. The very least He is requiring of us is to live right and reflect His transformation in our lives. I mean, really...

Goodness, the more I think about the church and our role in the world and our responsibility the more I come to more realizations of Jesus' view of the church. It's a beautiful think to think about.

So that's my two-cents! I would love to hear what people think about this subject.

Till Next Time...

**If you wanted to know more about missional community, there's an awesome video that I was shown that shows it in action. It's about 15 minutes long but it's worth every bit of your time. Missional Community

The Path of Most Resistance...

Where to start!

So the Passion: White Flag album came out about a week ago and 1. it has been on consistently since the release and the soundtrack to work & 2. it has been reminding me about everything that went on during Passion. During that week, God was just so big to me! Seeing thousands of people gathered for the Lord is proof enough that He is working. Knowing that, I'm comparing to where I am now post-Passion, post the experience, post-Passion high. God has me in transition. He is moving me from a season to a new season and it's great! And God is still big! Even bigger now that I am in a place where I need to trust Him and I need to lean on Him. God has to be big. Bigger than anything I can conceive. And He is! :)

That being said, I have to report that there have been no meltdowns since leaving Journey! Yay! There were, however, many tears on my last Sunday. So. many. tears. But this is a good thing. I was talking to my friend the other day and just telling her that I'm expecting it to be difficult. So when things are difficult, I know that it's because I'm moving in the right direction. Growth does not come about without pain and difficultly. I think a lot of people don't think about that. They want to grow in Christ but the minute they feel some resistance, they stop and ask God to take away their pain. In that moment I can just imagine God being like, "what are you expecting me to do?!?"

Darby actually spoke about this at Refuel last Wednesday. He said, "when we take away trials and struggles, we take away the avenue of growth." And this is true in every instance. I believe he likened growth to weight lifting. There's going to be resistance there. It's going to be uncomfortable and painful but pressing on will yield growth.

Anyways, that was a bit of a rabbit trail but it needed to be addressed. :) So transitioning! Yes. It's going great. I've finally begun to let myself be happy and excited about being at LifeCity. Before, I felt a little hesitant about voicing my happiness to a group of my friends who knew I was leaving and were sad about it. But now, I'm allowing myself to be excited! I shouldn't have to squelch my joy. God is doing amazing things which calls for excitement and joy!

I'm looking forward to meeting with my missional community group next week and hopefully starting to play in a worship capacity soon! I've missed playing music and worship is my passion. Being away from it has made me a little antsy haha But I've been reminding myself of something that has been my rock when things get a little wonky. I remind myself of God's sovereignty. Anything He does is for my good even when it doesn't look how I expect it to look. He has my best interest in mind and I have no place to question God's methods :) It has been working because I'm not stressing as much and I've just been at peace with things going on around me :)

Also, there's a song from the Passion album that is pretty much my anthem. Helps with the "not stressing as much" :) Take a listen and just let it be your prayer. It's pretty amazing. :)

You Revive Me

Till Next Time...

It's Time To Grow Up!

It has been nearly a month since I have blogged.

Problem.

Well at least I have some material to go on! First I will provide that update about school. I've had a lot of people asking me how school is going and I'm not sure how to answer that question. It changes over time. So I figured I would just sit down and really give an overview of my college "experience". I use the word "experience" lightly because I'm only taking one class on campus so I'm not really experiencing much in my opinion.
As far as my performance with school work, I'm doing very well. My grades are good which is more that I was expecting. The material is a little more difficult than I was expecting (Math being the odd exception) but I'm sure I'll get the hang of everything quickly. The assignments are overwhelming. More than once, I have finished my to-do list for the week and just stared at all the crap I have to get done. With the addition of work and other life things, it's pretty stressful
As far as my opinion of college: I'm going to be honest. I hate it. I'm not sure if it's just the school or the courses I'm taking but I don't like it at all. More than once I've caught myself in the middle of an assignment and asked myself, "What am I doing? Why am I doing this?". With that said, I am by no means going to quit. I'm going to finish out the semester and then complete fall semester before making any decisions as to whether I stay or not.

On another note, I've continued to think about my summer, what I shall be doing then and where I shall be going. I've been keeping in contact with my friend in Ireland and he's been helping me get information about internships in the UK. In fact, right after I finish here, I will be looking over some information he sent me! Granted, he sent it to me on the 1st of the month but who's paying attention, right? In addition to Europe, there are whispers of another option for the summer that I won't go into great detail about because nothing is set in stone but rest assured that it is a great potential opportunity ;)

And finally, my pastor is going through a series called "Time To Grow Up" which has been a lot of reiteration but much needed reiteration. Every year, my pastor challenges us to step out in faith and grow up. Something that stood out to me was that he said that you're not growing if you're comfortable (or something to that regard) and I've been pretty comfortable in some parts of my life. Last year it was Berklee which was such a learning experience and brought a lot of growing! This year is different. I was telling one of my friends that honestly, I haven't been praying about it. 1) because it's scary. I don't know what God will say. 2) because I'm afraid of what He will say and it will be what I'm thinking He's going to say. Does that make sense?
So if you would please pray for me that would be awesome. Pray for boldness and confidence in what God is going to say. Although I am afraid, I know that God is not going to lead me into abandonment. He is not a God to take you down a road that He will not walk with you down. I believe that wholeheartedly.

So I'm thinking that this is the year of boldness and faith! How that should be different than any year, I'm not sure but I am declaring it. Fear is not of God so therefore, I don't want it. Bring on the bold, baby! Wooo! :)

Till Next Time...

The Plan, the Planner & the European

Happy belated Christmas! :)

With Passion 2012 fast approaching (6 days!!) I've begun to start thinking about the new year and what it holds for my life. Already I know it's going to be different because around this time last year, I was preparing to make my second trip to Boston for my Berklee audition.

This year is the year of school...at least the first half of it.

I start school in a week. Can you even believe it? After 2 (going on 3) years out of school, I'm finally jumping back into the game with a whole new plan in mind. It's kind of scary; having a plan and all. I'm always scared when I have a plan. Not that it will fail but that it will change and be out of my control. I mean, that's the point of a plan: to be in control of the situations, the elements and the outcome. Changing the plan or shifting the plan's controller or even scrapping the plan altogether is most definitely not in the plan...but you know, things happen. :shudder:

Another element of this year that I've been thinking about began formulating just the past couple of months. My friends and I have been in talks of taking a trip to Europe in the Spring/Summer. It is as exciting as it is terrifying. Those who have been to Europe or Type A people in general know what I'm talking about. Planning will be key, finances will have to be in order and things just have to be right unless we plan on roughing it through the continent (which I'm not completely against actually). Furthermore, this Europe trip has got me thinking about the rest of my life.

How does that correlate?

Well I'm glad you silently wondered that because I'm about to answer!

Mind you, I only just voiced this to my friends last night (and one of my best friends gave me some really fantastic advice by the way) but I've been thinking about this since last summer.
I've made it no secret that my heart is drawn to Europe. I know it's crazy because I've never been there but I've always felt a draw to Europe. So now I'm presented with the thought of where I should invest my life. I've already created a foundation here in America but now that I'm an adult, I have to begin creating a life for myself. As my friend pointed out, my mind is already European from the way I carry myself to my style of dress to my thought processes. However, now I have to decide if or when I need to begin to put my thoughts into actions.

Definitely begin to pray for me about these things. I definitely will be haha
Also pray that the Journey College group is safe as we travel to Atlanta on Monday. I'm so very excited and will try and keep updating here.

Till Next Time...

Wait-listed...

Oh man.

I feel like I have said that every day for the past couple of weeks. But it's so fitting!

Today I registered for my classes at WakeTech...albeit 2 classes but still, it's a start.

It's kind of surreal that after all the drama that I've gone through (and still going through btw. We'll get to that later) with schools that I'm finally stepping forward and getting more education. I know a lot of people aren't a big fan of that but that's why I always recommend waiting a while after you get out of high school to decide if this is really the path you want to take. I mean it's a really big step; don't take it lightly.

Anyways, yeah it's weird. I'm taking a Political Science class (SO WEIRD) and a General Psychology class. All, and I literally mean all, of the classes I was planning to take are either closed or waitlisted (including my English class which makes me sad...so sad). So better luck next semester I guess haha!

Oh! Back to the drama that is happening with my school.

So...

Anyone who has dealt with any section of the government knows that it is a pain in the ass to get anything done. There are enough forms with random numbers to drown you or make you want to give up halfway through. I am of course talking about Financial Aid! Yay.

I filled out my X900TYJSJD forms and sent them promptly through priority mail to the school about a month ago only to get an email from the school at the beginning of the month stating that I needed to fill them out AGAIN! How freaking fun is that, guys? And the kicker is that I got this email on the 2nd of November. The due date was on the 1st of November. Imagine my blind rage as I send strongly worded emails oddly devoid of obscenities to the Financial Aid office. It wasn't pretty.

In all of this, I was led right back to trusting God for things completely out of my hands and we all know how I love being in this position. But I have to admit that this time was harder than the others simply because I had said the same thing to God when I was dealing with Berklee. All of these old feelings of doubt and discouragement rose up and left me in a stupor for a couple days. It was only when I said, "screw it all. I can't control this so I'm just going to give this up. I don't need it despite what my head says" that I finally was allowed to be happy! I'm not saying it was easy at all but the older I get and the more experience I get, the more I find myself in situations causing me to trust God again. And He has worked it out as far as I am concerned. If I recall, all the classes I wanted to take are waitlisted and I'm only taking 2 which means less money I have to shuffle out!

Isn't God grand? I'm so glad that He's got my back even when I'm stupid :)

Till Next Time...