Another [Year], Another Destiny...

Yes. Another Les Miserables reference. Deal with it. ;)

Okay! Wow. Where do I even start with this?! 

21 has been such an incredible year for me. I looked back at the post I did last year in which I was wide-eyed and innocent looking into this new realm of adulthood. I had plans and was determined to make them happen. 

Let's review shall we? I think it will help get us on the right track. 

Around this time last year, I had the idea for ConStruct. Now ConStruct is a reality, has grown and will continue to grow with hard work. It also has provided me the fuel I never knew I needed to pursue a career I never thought I would be able to foray into. It's still an uphill battle to get some notoriety but it's a journey. It's all a journey. 

Shortly after starting ConStruct, I made the brave decision to pursue university in the UK. Having healed from prior failed launches towards higher education, I was renewed with a sense of hope from my best friend who still continues to inspire me to desire to be better. She told me to "just do it"; I applied it to studying at Kingston and I've applied it further to other things in my life. 

A few months after that, I got an offer from Kingston University and accepted it! That is still one of the happiest days I've ever had in all my life. There was this sense of accomplishment; this feeling of validity that I hadn't felt in so long when it came to schools. I will never forget it. That was also the same month that UCAS chose me to be one of four international applicants to blog about their experiences applying to UK schools. That, too, was an incredible opportunity and I am grateful for the platform they gave me to speak to people who were looking for someone to relate with them. 

Then it happened. The trip of a lifetime. After careful planning and divine intervention, I hopped on a plane and flew across the pond to Europe to see my best friend in Dublin. I still get chills thinking about it and how amazing that trip was. It's one of my greatest achievements and I did it more or less by myself! There's a thrill and a sense of accomplishment travelling alone. I thrive on it. I don't always feel very independent but when I travel, I feel like I can do anything I want. (Within legal reasonings, of course) Those two weeks have shaped the way I see the world and sparked something in me that hasn't burned out. I'm more confident, more determined and more experienced! Plus, I got to see things I had only read in books or seen pictures. It was incredible and I can't wait to go again in the future. :) 

The next few months after that seemed to take an unexpected downward turn. Things were peachy for a while but things began to take a turn for the worst when it came to pretty much everything, including plans for Kingston. I can't remember a time I felt more helpless than when I was going through the ups and downs of getting things in order for Kingston. It was quite possibly the worst emotional experience of my life but I think I've grown the most from it. I'm still on the mend though. I've felt abandoned by God more times than I want and people, Christians especially, don't just get over that. I'm still trying to gauge myself spiritually but it's going to be a process.

Now we've caught up! Kingston can now stand next to Berklee on the shelf of Failed Attempts. Haha! I have to laugh about it because honestly, who do you know that has gone through so much to get to university only to be shut down at every turn. Maybe I've got something over my head that says, "Don't let him go to college". Anyway, now that I've been brought full circle, I have to look towards the future. I don't know what it holds but I'm hoping that whatever it is, I'll be happy with it. I don't know how much more my heart can take from getting shot down so many times with school. I just want a degree that will help me get ahead. That's all I want. That and to travel and write. I don't think that's too much but apparently it is. Don't take this as me being pessimistic; I'm just being honest. 

22 is going to be a great year for me no matter what because happiness mostly what you make it. 

For the first time in my life, my future is a blank slate for the most part. Sure, I have things planned and dotted along but for the most part, I don't know where my life is going to take me. I just hope it's a good place. :)

Here's to 22!!

Till Next Time...

The Dull Overtaking...

Goodness...have I gotten boring?

This is a question I have constantly asked myself but today it came right in front of my face and sat its little self down.

Do I just play things safe?

Am I not a risk taker?

These are the questions I have been asking myself since this was brought to my face, by a person actually. They didn't call me boring because, really, in my mental state I probably would have cried. Just being real. Today was not a peachy day emotionally. But they kind of alluded that I pretty much play things safe. I have taken a seat on the bench of political correctness that I previously dreaded.

Have I really become boring?

Looking back over my posts I realised that I wanted to do a lot of things this summer:

I wanted to go to Europe.
I wanted to read more.
I wanted to elevate my style.
I wanted to elevate my writing abilities.
I wanted to play more music.

So many things and I have done nothing.

What lame-sauce is this?

It's kind of sad.

When did this happen?

I'm not sure the answer to that question but all I know is that it happened and it probably explains why I've been so unhappy lately. Deep inside my heart is a man who wants to adventure to places he's never been and take risks but lately he's been tied up and taken over by this really dull person honestly. I don't want to be the person that just goes to work and school and does nothing else. That is not the kind of person I want to be.

I want to be a person that says he's going to do something and does it; throwing caution to the wind and having his heart thrum a bit. There's no place for a boring Steven in this world. At least in my eyes.

Starting now, I refuse to be unhappy. I will do things that require a bit of heart thrumming. Now I'm not going to be stupid and go jumping off of cliffs but I will not be resigned to living a humdrum life. No sir.

What that may entail? I have no idea but I'm sure I'll find it. :)

If you have any suggestions, please send them to me! I welcome any input.

In other news, we're a month away from the launch of LifeCity!! It's kind of nerve-wracking. In a good way, I mean. ;)

It's also a month away from my 21st birthday...and the beginning of school. How convenient. Hahaha! I'm sure everything will be great even though the semester starts on my birthday. What kind of timing is that?!

Anyways, continue to pray for my car situation. I'm not worrying but with a month left before school with no prospects, it's not looking very good. However, I'm trusting God. He's got things under control. I don't know what's going on beyond what my eyes can see but I'm assured that it's working for my good. :)

Till Next Time...

P.S. I'm going to start spicing up the blog! I'm still going to be posting about my life and thoughts but I've been thinking about reviewing things or talking about things I love (music, food, etc.)! It will start with my impending trip to DC! Look for pictures and such. ;)

Where I Am...

Lately I've been trying to measure where I am.

Not like my physical location, but my state of being.

There has been quite a lot of changes that have happened over the past couple of months and it's in these moments that I like to try and make sure I'm keeping track of everything.

All things considered, I'm in a good place! I haven't been overtly stressed, school is manageable, work is work and my family is in a good place.

For the first time in quite a while, I'm genuinely happy. It's weird to say because many times I feel like things are just whirling about me but I'm at peace. I truly believe that this is God's handiwork. Only God could have given me such peace and this all stems from trusting Him. Like I've said a billion times, I've been training myself to keep remembering that God is sovereign. Anything He does is for my good and in trusting that, I will have peace!

This is probably the first time in my entire life that I've actually begun to truly trust God that He will take care of me and not just say it. I think it started with my decision to jump aboard the LifeCity train actually. That kind of move was the catalyst that got me off my rear and start walking in the faith I say I possess. I expected it to be hard and it was at first. But God, in His mercy, has given me such a peace. I'm just going to enjoy this while I can and allow it to strengthen me to continue to trust God in everything.

On another note, Easter is approaching quickly! I'm not exaggerating when I say it snuck up on me. It really did and I feel so unprepared lol However, I'm excited to go through this weekend keeping in mind Christ's sacrifice that allowed me and billions of people to have life beyond the carnal. He defeated death by dying and paved the way to eternal life through Him! I think that's cause for epic celebration ;) Speaking of celebrating, I'm excited to be with my LifeCity family for our first Easter together! It's going to be wonderful, refreshing and countless other dazzling adjectives :) I'll be praying that you keep your thoughts on Christ and rejoice with the Church! "Christ is risen from the dead, we are one with Him again..."

Oh! Before I forget, I've been listening to Christy Nockels' new album "Into the Glorious" practically non-stop since it was released. It's so worshipful. You can tell that these are her prayers to the Lord and not just songs for an album. She has meditated on these, it has taken root in her and it's reflected in the passion she has in her voice. SO amazing. Goodness gracious. God bless Christy Nockels and her brilliant musical prowess. haha! So if you want to get saved all over again, I recommend downloading it. It's like 10 buckaroos. Not a lot at all.

If you don't get it, I'll just assume you don't want to be saved or you don't love Jesus... :P haha!

Till Next Time...

P.S. How do you like the new layout? Cool huh? :)

Say/Do

Last week, LifeCity started meeting during the week as a missional community. Now, if you don't know what missional community is all about, essentially it is a group of about 15 to 20 people who gather for the specific purpose to grow in their walk with Christ and to reach out to people in their communities. It's really beautiful and worth a look-see. (*SEE BOTTOM!*) Anyways, we talked about the church and what it means to "be the church" and not "go to church". There is this idea that people "go to church" which is actually incorrect theology. We are the church. Everywhere we go, we are the church.

This got me thinking about the church, the mission of the church, our responsibility as the church and a bunch of other things. I was super quiet in our meeting simply because I was processing through all this information and drawing connections and getting a better understanding. But now I'm ready to talk! Now, to preface, I'm not a Bible scholar (surprise!). I'm simply seeing and responding to what I see.

I feel like the church as a whole is kind of going through a bit of reform of sorts. We've gotten so accustomed to saying, "we're going to church guys!" that we've kind of lost track of what we're actually doing. Some of us know that we're saying, "we are the church, we're just going to a building" but, thankfully, people don't know what we are thinking! We, as the church, cannot continue to go around saying, "we're going to church" simply because people who are not in the church begin to foster an incorrect ideology that the church is a building and not a body of people. They are, in essence, being deceived and therefore changing any type of idea they had about the church. We, as the church, need to say what we mean and not just expect people to just know. This extends all ways of life but this is most essential in the church. I feel like the church as a whole is needing to backpedal and say, "hey, we're sorry for saying this. We actually meant to say this," to billions of people. And if you think we don't, just ask someone what they think about the church. Chances are that you're not going to get nice answers and the word that might surface is the word hypocrisy because the church is saying one thing and doing another.

This change of thought is what is going to revive the church. Saying that, "we are the church" is a manner of ownership. We are taking responsibility over our faith and challenging ourselves in the process to be the face of the church because, I mean, we are. Every where we go. Everyone we talk to. We are direct representations of the church as a whole whether it is fair or not. People who have no idea of the church are watching what you do at every moment and they will judge the church as a whole based on what you do. Yes, that is a great burden to bear but what a beautiful burden it is! Jesus, by calling you to be apart of His family, is essentially saying, "I trust you to represent my church everywhere you go. I have confidence in you to carry My Name well."

I get chills when I think about that.


This is what it means to be an ambassador for Christ. And as ambassadors, we have a responsibility that if we see a need, we shouldn't need to send them to a pastor or an elder, we should gladly move forward and help fulfill the need. This reminds me when the disciples sent the sick to Jesus not realizing that the same power that rested in Christ also rested within them.

Can you imagine if they came to that realization? Imagine the impact.

Now apply that to today.

Do you see?

I think people are actually kind of terrified by saying, "we are the church" otherwise we would jump to the opportunity to say it. By saying, "I am the church" we're are slapping a spotlight on our lives and suddenly everything counts. Our lives suddenly have a standard to live up to and people are afraid to embark on that. And I'm no exception! I think it's terrifying to think that my life as a whole is a direct representation of how people perceive the church. But I mean, that's small compared to the fact that Christ gave His entire life for us. The very least He is requiring of us is to live right and reflect His transformation in our lives. I mean, really...

Goodness, the more I think about the church and our role in the world and our responsibility the more I come to more realizations of Jesus' view of the church. It's a beautiful think to think about.

So that's my two-cents! I would love to hear what people think about this subject.

Till Next Time...

**If you wanted to know more about missional community, there's an awesome video that I was shown that shows it in action. It's about 15 minutes long but it's worth every bit of your time. Missional Community

The Path of Most Resistance...

Where to start!

So the Passion: White Flag album came out about a week ago and 1. it has been on consistently since the release and the soundtrack to work & 2. it has been reminding me about everything that went on during Passion. During that week, God was just so big to me! Seeing thousands of people gathered for the Lord is proof enough that He is working. Knowing that, I'm comparing to where I am now post-Passion, post the experience, post-Passion high. God has me in transition. He is moving me from a season to a new season and it's great! And God is still big! Even bigger now that I am in a place where I need to trust Him and I need to lean on Him. God has to be big. Bigger than anything I can conceive. And He is! :)

That being said, I have to report that there have been no meltdowns since leaving Journey! Yay! There were, however, many tears on my last Sunday. So. many. tears. But this is a good thing. I was talking to my friend the other day and just telling her that I'm expecting it to be difficult. So when things are difficult, I know that it's because I'm moving in the right direction. Growth does not come about without pain and difficultly. I think a lot of people don't think about that. They want to grow in Christ but the minute they feel some resistance, they stop and ask God to take away their pain. In that moment I can just imagine God being like, "what are you expecting me to do?!?"

Darby actually spoke about this at Refuel last Wednesday. He said, "when we take away trials and struggles, we take away the avenue of growth." And this is true in every instance. I believe he likened growth to weight lifting. There's going to be resistance there. It's going to be uncomfortable and painful but pressing on will yield growth.

Anyways, that was a bit of a rabbit trail but it needed to be addressed. :) So transitioning! Yes. It's going great. I've finally begun to let myself be happy and excited about being at LifeCity. Before, I felt a little hesitant about voicing my happiness to a group of my friends who knew I was leaving and were sad about it. But now, I'm allowing myself to be excited! I shouldn't have to squelch my joy. God is doing amazing things which calls for excitement and joy!

I'm looking forward to meeting with my missional community group next week and hopefully starting to play in a worship capacity soon! I've missed playing music and worship is my passion. Being away from it has made me a little antsy haha But I've been reminding myself of something that has been my rock when things get a little wonky. I remind myself of God's sovereignty. Anything He does is for my good even when it doesn't look how I expect it to look. He has my best interest in mind and I have no place to question God's methods :) It has been working because I'm not stressing as much and I've just been at peace with things going on around me :)

Also, there's a song from the Passion album that is pretty much my anthem. Helps with the "not stressing as much" :) Take a listen and just let it be your prayer. It's pretty amazing. :)

You Revive Me

Till Next Time...

Now That I Have Seen...

I'm such a jerk to God sometimes. 

At the beginning of my Berklee...let's say "adventure" because it wasn't anything less than an adventure, I suddenly became very interested in God's plan for my life. My prayer life began to flourish and I felt like I was really getting to know God in a way I hadn't before. 

Then came the curveball that I wasn't expecting and I just kind of rolled with it, trusting in God that He was going to take care of me. 

Fast-forward to now and I'm back to where I started. And I feel like such a jerk looking back. 

I feel like I screwed myself over and I feel like an idiot now seeing that I was only interested in getting close to God because I was hoping that if I said the right things and presented this "willing heart" that He would give me what I wanted. 

And that's really lame. 

I am ashamed that I even thought that I could hide anything from God. I should know better than that. He sees everything in me. And God brought me right back to where I began. Sure I learned a lot from that experience but I can see that I was trying to play God and "sweet talk" Him into morphing His plan to suit me. 

How could I do that?!

Then I began to think, "How many other people are doing that right now?" 

I'm sure I would be astounded. People, especially type-A control freaks like myself, will do almost anything to get to what they want and it's really sad. But God is so completely just and merciful that He (for lack of a better statement) went along with my selfishness. Because although I had a subconscious agenda, God still listened to me and God still spoke to me. He even dropped in my spirit a few times what was going to happen but I thought it was the enemy trying to discourage me. 

It's astonishing that God, even through all of my crap, still shows Himself strong and revealed myself to me.

 

Now that I have seen, I am responsible. Faith without deeds is dead

That's one of the lyrics to Brooke Fraser's song Albertine and it resounds through me all the time. Now that God has revealed my heart to me, I am responsible with what I do with this knowledge and how I move on from this point. 

All in all, God is relentless. He will not rest until we are reflections of His Son, Jesus and that is a beautiful thing to think about as a Christian. He will dig through ourselves and show us what we have overlooked. I just believe that we need to be open to see our faults and own up to them. Otherwise it's pointless. 

I know this post was more of a rant than anything but I hope this gets to the right people. 

Till Next Time...