Detour...

In every journey, there are stops and starts.

This happens to be my detour...

As many of you know, I am gearing up to leave the country for school. Super crazy and stressful. Did I mention stressful? Especially when things don't quite go as planned. My original plan was to apply for a bunch of scholarships and also apply for a loan for the rest of my expenses (ex. Visa costs, moving costs, flights). However, when I went to apply for the loan, they were about to deny me but asked instead for a co-signer. I never wanted a co-signer. It wasn't just that I didn't want help; I need all the help I can get. It was more to the fact that this was my decision. I never wanted anyone else to have to sacrifice anything for me. I've supported myself through the entirety of my college experience(s) and I wasn't really prepared to have to bring in someone else. 

Never mind the fact that there was no one else to bring in. 

You can imagine my distress. This was the plan. Apply for scholarships. Apply for loans. Go to Kingston. This needed this to work because it was the only plan I could see. My hope began to fail. One of my reservations about college in the first place was finances and now it looked like it was going to be my undoing...

But there is no denying that God has placed this on my life. There is nothing I feel more strongly than me being in England. The draw has been there since I was little and has only grown stronger the more I  have gotten older. 

Someone once said that God uses our circumstances to show Himself off. Someone else said that God is privy to our circumstances; our cries and distresses. He is not ignorant to our situation and I have to keep that in mind for me or else I will go insane. 

It's still taking every ounce of courage and strength to even say "I'm going" rather than "I might go" but I will continue to say that I'm going. 'When' not 'if'. I must remain faith-filled and speak things as they are already. This goes against everything my brain tells me. I've talked about this before about me being a planner. I need to see what's around the corner and I need to plan accordingly. I like to control the situation. But in controlling the situation, I take responsibility for the outcome. Whether that be good or bad, it's on me. 

So, in this current season of doubt and uncertainty, I must hold on to the things I know:

God is faithful.

God sees.

God hears.

Faith is not seeing, it's believing in the Author of Faith. 

Anything that happens does not escape the eye of God. 

God knows my heart and how much this is painful for me. 

If you're reading this, please continue to pray. I'm still trusting in God but my brain keeps seeing Kingston slipping through my fingers and that scares me. I know there are other ways to move to Europe but I've put a lot into this and to see it crumble will be so humiliating...

Anyways, thanks everyone :)

Till Next Time...

An Offer...

I still get chills when I think about it.

I got an offer from Kingston University. I'll be moving to England in September.

I never thought I would be able to say that but it's true! AHHHHHHH! I'm practically bursting with unadulterated joy!

I keep replaying that day in my head. I got the email from UCAS that there was a change to my application and I flipped as always when I get a UCAS email. I went to try and access it but I had my personal ID number saved on Anderson (my laptop...don't judge me..)! So I soldiered through my shift at work and finally was able to leave and make my way home.

The whole way, I kept thinking over scenarios. "What if it's not an offer? What if they just want to verify my address?" "What if it is an offer?" "What if I didn't get in?"

That last one was the worst.

I mulled everything over and prepared myself. I don't remember praying about it but I know my heart was.

As I walked up to my house, I stopped and said out loud to myself, "No matter what happens from this, this is not over. I will go to England and I will live out my dream."

And that was that.

I walked into my house with a new confidence, marched to Anderson and pulled up UCAS Track.

And there it was.

Kingston University --- Unconditional 

For those who are American or are unfamiliar with the way UCAS applications work, the universities send you offers to the programme that you apply to. I applied to Kingston for journalism so the journalism department was the one who would make the decision whether to offer me a place at the university. There are 3 kinds of offers that can be made: unconditional, conditional, or no offer. An unconditional offer means that I do not have to fulfill any extra requirements for a place at the university.

I was give an unconditional offer.

And I was ELATED.

For the next hour, I went through sporadic bouts of tears, laughter, and disbelief. Needless to say, I made sure everyone knew about it and I haven't shut up about it since! Every time I think about it, I thank God because honestly, He's the only reason I got a place.

I even got an email from someone telling me that on my academics alone, I probably wouldn't have been offered a place. Well, he didn't say it in those words but he said that my grades were lower than what they usually accept but because of the personal statement that I made, he was willing to reconsider.

Completely a God thing and I am in awe of His favour.

I love that the personal statement that cut me off from applying to other universities was one of the deciding factors in getting me an offer. Crazy!

Now I have to figure out what the next step is. It's so early to begin doing everything because the Fall 2012 term has pretty much just started! Haha I was expecting to hear something around March but this is unprecedented. God not only has granted me a place at this university but a buttload of time.

Seeing God work in my life in such a way is so encouraging. It makes me want to trust Him more because things keep happening that are completely above me. Since He has given me this place, I know He will provide the other things that are needed to get me there. Money being paramount haha

For the first time in quite a while, I am not afraid. I am not nervous. I am confident. I know God's got this and I am very willing to allow Him to take the reins on this one. :)

Continue to pray for me through this process! Although September is a long way off, I still need to be wise about the time that is spent as well as the money that is spent! My shopping spree days have been shelved and now is the time to baten down the hatches and push forward!

Also I start my new job at The Limited today so wish me luck!! :)

Till Next Time...

I am an Idiot...

I can't even...

Let me first explain something, like the way the UK does their applications.

In the UK, most of the universities operate their applications through an organisation called UCAS (whom I will be blogging for this year btw! I'll explain in another post). Through UCAS, there is one application. In this application, you have a personal statement. It is a statement where you demonstrate why you are right for the course you are applying to. Once you submit it, your application and personal statement is sent to all the universities that you have selected. Then you await an offer for a place at one of the universities (or more if you're super popular).

Since Kingston was my only choice, I wrote my personal statement as an ode to how much I would like to be granted an offer at the university and how much I am right for the journalism programme. So when I went back to see if maybe I should have a back-up plan in place, you know in case I don't get into Kingston, I discovered that this is not to be borne. If I added another choice to my application, my personal statement, which is littered with the words 'Kingston' by the way, would be sent to that certain university.

I am an idiot.

I cannot believe that I didn't think about that when I sent in this application. How did I miss this in all my research?? If I end up not getting into Kingston, it's going to suck because applying to another university probably wouldn't be an option. Not to mention that I've already given UCAS 11 GBP (18 USD) to add another choice. Guess who's probably not getting that money back?

I'm so frustrated that I didn't catch this. But in perspective, $18 isn't a large amount of money considering. Additionally, if I don't get into Kingston, it's not the end of the world. I still have a back-up plan and I'm still going to make efforts to live in the UK. It just might look a bit different than I might have imagined.

It still sucks though...

Till Next Time...

P.S. Sorry for the absence! I've been busy writing posts for ConStruct and working on my UCAS blog which I will talk about in another post once the website re-launches!

Playing Catch Up (With My Life)

Goodness! It has been a while. Let's recap:

Last time I posted, I had just started ConStruct and announced that I was going to apply to Kingston University.

Well, ConStruct has been moving along quite well. Still trying to get my feet under me but it's happening! There are times when I feel completely unqualified and I don't know how to be qualified but that's all apart of the journey, right? Life wouldn't be life without some challenges, ya know?

As far as university goes, I've already applied! I sent out my application about a week and a half/two weeks ago and it's been crazy! I can't believe this is happening. I got my welcome package from the company that handles the UK university applications and literally had to calm myself down. Not because I was excited but because I was freaking. out. I think it was shock, mostly, but I also think it was because I realized that there's really no turning back. I've set this in motion and I have to see it through. I can't bow out now that I'm soooo close to getting to Europe, my childhood dream.

Things for Europe 2013 are shaping up well! I've booked my stay in London and Paris and paid for all my flights. This is also surreal. I never in a million years thought that I would get to say, "I'm going to Europe in January." It just sounds so cool to say! I'm sure people are completely sick of me talking about it but that's why God created earplugs. I will not be quiet. Just sit there and be jealous.

Everything else has been pretty interesting. My best friend moved to Ireland on Wednesday and I have to say, it was one of the hardest things I've experienced. Even though I know I'll be seeing her in January and we'll be seeing more of each other in Europe, it was hard just to know that she wasn't going to live 20 minutes away anymore. I wouldn't be able to just call her up and schedule a lunch/coffee date. But the fact that she is happy in Ireland is helping a lot. As her friend, I should be supporting her despite my feelings. I will never impose my feelings on her decisions simply because 1. that's manipulation; 2. it's already hard for her to leave, I shouldn't make things harder; and 3. I would be hindering her from her happiness. That's not okay.

Work has been good. I officially finish working at Old Navy this week. It was quite a run but I'm glad it's over. I have a new mistress now and she has twin tails, caffeine, and a voice that draws sailors to their deaths. Starbucks, may we make sweet lattes together.

Oh! And Wake Tech is fin. Since none of my credits will transfer to university, I've decided to hold off with my classes and focus on preparing for England. So there's that.

This is such an odd post! Soon I will have to post something of relevance to society. I need some of those in my life. In the meantime, if you are not following ConStruct or its twitter page, you should be ashamed of yourself! If you love me, you'll do these things ;)

Clearly I'm not above guilt trips...

Anyways,

Till Next Time...

Newest Foray & Exciting News...

It's done, guys!!

So in my last blog, I posted that I was going to start my own fashion blog. Well guys, I did it!

I had been planning out things to do with it and my mission for it and when I figured out a name, I bought the domain name and started gathering content. It's still in the early stages but it's official!

The blog is called "ConStruct" and you can go and follow it at constructstyle.com. It's pretty nerve-wracking to have a passion to do something and then doing it. It's going to be an uphill journey to get my posts out there and make a name for myself but I'm ready to do it. I'm done with waiting on other people to give me a chance. I'm giving myself a chance.

I've wanted to go into the fashion journalism field for a very long time but it took me a bit to even gather enough courage to do it. There's a stigma that guys can't like fashion or that they can't go into the fashion world. I refuse to believe that. I have a heart for the artistry that is fashion and I'm not going to let what anyone says stop me from doing it.

With that being said, I have some exciting news! Very few people already know this but whilst I'm on the subject of passion, I think it's the perfect time to tell you something that I've been trying to keep quiet about for a couple months.

A few months ago, I was sitting with a friend getting coffee and somehow we got to talking about passions and about #YOLO. If you haven't heard, #YOLO is a saying that has been wildly circulated and it means, "you only live once". We were talking about how true it is and how ridiculous our conversation was. Hahaha! But we started getting into what our passions were and what we wanted to do with our lives and of course I talked about Europe. I talked about how badly I want to move there and how crazy it sounds and blah blah blah. Then my friend said to me, "so just do it!" Not in a mean way but in a way that jolted me.

Just do it.

So I am.

In the next couple weeks I will be applying to Kingston University. If you haven't heard, Kingston is about 30 minutes outside of London and Kingston University is widely respected in the journalism community. Additionally, they have a graduate programme that includes fashion journalism which is perfect! My application is already finished, I'm literally just waiting for the application date to arrive. If I'm accepted, I will be preparing everything to move to Kingston in August 2013 for the Fall of 2013. But even if I'm not accepted, I will still be making conscious efforts to move there. Nothing is going to get in my way. I have waited far too long waiting for something to just drop in my lap. God has placed this desire in me and it's not going to be satisfied in this country. My mind is made up, my parents support me and that's all I need.

I understand that a lot of people aren't going to understand why I'm planning to leave but, frankly, I don't care. That's their problem. This is my life and I intend to live it. In Europe. :)

When I go to Dublin in January, I will most likely be visiting the campus, familiarising myself with the lay of the land, etc., etc.

I'm so excited and although I'll be sad to leave my friends and family, I'm thrilled with this new endeavour!

This is going to be a huge adventure and I can't wait to see what's going to happen!

Till Next Time...

Afterthoughts...

I think it's really bizarre that after one day, an entire social world was opened to me.

21 is awesome. 

It's not just drinking though. 

...however I have had my fair share of drinks since the the 15th...

It's more about this feeling of freedom. Like, I can go wherever I like. Even in Raleigh, which I deemed the most boring place in the world, was kind of hopping Saturday night when I went out. I've been having tons of fun and I didn't have to be drunk to do it. 

21 has also given me this new found confidence in myself. I feel like an adult now and people are finally seeing that as well even though my ideas and speech patterns have not changed. It's weird. 

Anyways, I just thought I would write my thoughts on being 21. It's been nearly a week since my birthday and things have been amazing. 

I also wanted to update on the whole Europe trip! I feel like I just kind of was like, "BAM! Europe. January. Get happy." Which is true but I would like to write about it just for a bit. So yeah, January 7th I will be boarding a plane to Dublin, Ireland! I'll be there for 2 weeks and whilst I'm there, I'm planning on taking a train into London and spending a couple days there. Then, if all goes very well with timing, hopefully I can trot my way over to Paris for a day or two. Really, I just want to see the Eiffel Tower; cry; drink coffee & eat a croissant in a French cafe; weep; and take pictures of Paris at night. That's it. Then head back to Dublin and leave the 21st. I know this won't be my last time in Europe so I'm not very concerned with doing a crap-ton of things, ya know?

ALSO! I'm working on starting a fashion blog. I want to go into fashion journalism so what better way to get my name and material out there than start a blog! I already have ideas on content and stuff but I can't seem to figure out a name. I want it to stand out and really signify who I am as a person and how I want to be perceived. If you have any ideas, please send them to me! Even if you think it's silly as all crap, send it anyway. Uniqueness thrives when someone has the guts to say or do something that isn't the norm. So yeah! Any help wil do! I also need to figure out a site design so if you're good with those sorts of things, let me know.

I have to be going now! I'm meeting with some friends for adventure times and I need to figure out something to wear. Hahaha!

Till Next Time... :)

The Roundabout

I think I've got it now!

Okay so earlier this month (or maybe it was last month?) I finally realized where I wanted to be. And it wasn't the place I expected to be but somehow I always knew it was where I would end up. I shall explain and cease being cryptic.

In my college small group a while ago we were talking about what we wanted to be as kids and what we want to be now. The latter question always freak me out. Don't ask me why. I'm just weird.
Peoples' "kid" answers varied from astronaut to elephant and their "now" answers varied from still deciding to travelling the globe.
Anyways, it came to be my turn. "When I was a kid I wanted to be a scientist, then wanted to be an astronomer. That didn't last long. Then I wanted to be psychologist."

I could already feel the pressure as I got closer to the question that has been haunting simmering in me for the longest time. "What do you want to do now?"

I just opened my mouth and said the first thing that came in my head.
It wasn't a scientist, for that required me to know things I was not good at.
It wasn't an astronomer because I mean really...
It wasn't a psychologist, for I found out I wouldn't legally see my first patient till I was 30 and it turns out that I don't have as much patience for people's problems as I originally thought...
And it wasn't even music even though I love playing music and will probably continue throughout my life.

"I want to be a journalist. I want to write and travel the world."

Well that was easy.

But in was literally in that moment that everything just kind of fell into place. I've been writing since I was little and it has been one of the most constant things in my life. I never really thought that I could do this as a career because to me it was fun! It came naturally to me and it was, and still is, the best way that I communicate to people. It makes sense!

And it turns out that 2 of my very best friends are going to be studying that same field so how cool is that?! I want to say that God gave me such a grand revelation but really, He gave me that passion to me a long time ago. It just took over 10 years to realize it. Haha! How crazy is that? That God gives us things and takes us on the roundabout way only to bring us to the place where we can tell ourselves that this is what we want and what we've always wanted. That's God's perfect timing once again because I would have never admitted to myself that I wanted to be a journalist a year ago or even 2 years ago. But all it took was one person saying, "you're good at this. You should look into moving forward with writing" for me to begin to mull it over and then for my college group leader to ask that question that scared me for so long.

So! After all of this, I have taken the steps towards journalism knowing that God's got this. I have submitted my application to Wake Tech for the spring semester in their transfer program. (NEVER thought that would happen...) I'm still in the process of admission but after that is over I will be taking online classes (thanks Shelbs for piquing me to that information :)). After I finish the transfer program I will transfer my credits to UNC for their journalism degree! Just writing that makes me smile! :D

Please continue to pray for me. Pray that I don't lose sight of God in the midst of all this paperwork and that I always remember that God's got this! Thanks!

Till Next Time...