I'm a big fan of how this week started.
Compared to how I've been feeling the past couple of weeks, I'm in a good place. Yesterday (Sunday) I got to have some really good conversations and really was able to get a different prospective on my situation and my future.
At my church, when I'm not playing in the band, I volunteer with the check-in station for the kids department. It's something I've done for a long time and I can honestly say that I love it. I took some time away from it (much needed time) but, now that I'm back, I'm seeing why I loved it in the first place.
Anyway, whilst the service is going on there isn't much traffic in the lobby however there is a need for someone to stand guard. It could vary between 1-3 people but it's in those times that you get to know the people you're serving alongside in a way you wouldn't during the "rush hour". During the second service, I was able to have a wonderful conversation with one of the guys who serves with the security team but also assists with the technical side of check-in (he also happens to be married to the director). I honestly can't remember the last time I had such a great conversation. Being able to talk about things like work ethic, personality, music, ambition and countless other things was so refreshing to me who absolutely loathes the small talk...
One of the significant points in the conversation for me was when I was talking about my own situation and how I feel impatient with how things are progressing with my life/career. I can see my own potential but my potential isn't recognised or appreciated, I get self-aware and conscious of my work.
"Am I doing something wrong?"
"Am I not good enough?"
"Am I asking for too much?"
One thing he said was (I'm paraphrasing) that yes it's good to see your own potential but this time doing proverbial "grunt work" is actual preparation for elevation. As cliche as that sounds. People who elevate too quickly usually find themselves overwhelmed and unable to function properly. Much like getting the bends when coming up from deep water too quickly.
It really spoke volumes to me and brought a whole new prospective on what is going on. I shouldn't doubt myself just because I'm not being elevated but I should perfect my work until the time comes when I'm recognised for my work and given an opportunity. That way, I won't get the "work bends" and won't find myself in a corner, rocking myself, drinking whiskey from a bottle because I'm so stressed out
Later that day, I was able to have a seriously real and honest conversation with my best friend. She's one of the people that gives it to me straight and doesn't tell me what I want to hear which is what I desperately needed. I truly don't think she realises how much she helps me by being honest about what she's seeing in the situation. Our conversation allowed me to step back get a wider view of what is going on and be realistic without losing my dream. It also made me optimistic about the future and what my next step is.
With that being said, I created a list. Something to reference to when I start to lose focus. This list is divided into 3 sections:
What do I want for my life?
What do I love(am passionate about)?
& How can I reconcile these things together?
From this list (which is more detailed in my journal), I've determined that I want to be doing something involving travelling, writing and music. These are the things I'm passionate about. I believe this is general enough to be flexible yet narrow enough to give me focus. I also said I want an education. I am passionate about learning and the fact that getting to university has been such a struggle frustrates me. However, I am willing to fight for my own further education.
I can already see this finally making me grow up some more and make some adult decisions about my life that I've been afraid to do. I don't think my brain has quite realised that I am an adult and I need to make decisions that no one else is going to make for me. Well I am a little bit wiser thanks to my friends and I'm ready to figure this thing out no matter how long it takes.
:)
Till Next Time...
