I'm Not A Theologian But...

Well this is an interesting thought/question and maybe I can get some feedback from my readers?

I was talking to one of my good friends like literally 20 minutes ago just about life and the reality of it. And I brought up the question: Where do we draw the line between being complacent and ungrateful?

I've actually wondered this for a long time because I've made it no secret that I have no desire to live where I'm living anymore. My heart is in Europe, a place I have never lain eyes on but feel so drawn to. But when do I stop and say, "Whoa. Let's stop here. I'm beginning to be ungrateful."

I hear all the time that we should be happy where we are in life. But I refuse to be complacent. I will not, I repeat, will not be satisfied by staying in one place for the rest of my life. I can feel it right now and it is as strong now as it was years ago. In fact, I'm feeling it stronger. Like my head is bouncing against the ceiling.

I think that being ungrateful would mean that I was taking advantage of everything and everyone around me which I'm most certainly not doing.
But what is wrong with wanting something more?
Something better?
Something new?
Is that too much to ask?
And how would one go about leaving everything and everyone they know to pursue a life that is unclear. Where is the line between faith and foolishness?

Faith is clearly stated in Hebrews 1:1-3 (ESV) "Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen. For by it the people of old received their commendation. By faith we understand that the universe was created by the Word of God, so that what is seen was not made out of things that are visible..."
See? And weren't those champions of faith seen as foolish carrying out things that they were complete unsure of? I believe it's merely a manner of perception. The world will see is as foolhardiness but a Christian should be able to look at it and see faith at work. But I feel like there are a lot of Christians who will look at me and see a foolish boy hoping for many things and ungrateful.

A part of me wants to say "Screw you" but there's another part of me is wary of my decisions...I don't know. I feel like I start blogs with a thought and it carries into a rant. But who cares. It's my blog. I do what I wants! Haha!
But let me know what you think in the comments. I never ask for comments but I'm interested to hear what other points of view there are. If I don't see comments, I will assume that all my readers agree with me completely. :)

Till Next Time...

Now That I Have Seen...

I'm such a jerk to God sometimes. 

At the beginning of my Berklee...let's say "adventure" because it wasn't anything less than an adventure, I suddenly became very interested in God's plan for my life. My prayer life began to flourish and I felt like I was really getting to know God in a way I hadn't before. 

Then came the curveball that I wasn't expecting and I just kind of rolled with it, trusting in God that He was going to take care of me. 

Fast-forward to now and I'm back to where I started. And I feel like such a jerk looking back. 

I feel like I screwed myself over and I feel like an idiot now seeing that I was only interested in getting close to God because I was hoping that if I said the right things and presented this "willing heart" that He would give me what I wanted. 

And that's really lame. 

I am ashamed that I even thought that I could hide anything from God. I should know better than that. He sees everything in me. And God brought me right back to where I began. Sure I learned a lot from that experience but I can see that I was trying to play God and "sweet talk" Him into morphing His plan to suit me. 

How could I do that?!

Then I began to think, "How many other people are doing that right now?" 

I'm sure I would be astounded. People, especially type-A control freaks like myself, will do almost anything to get to what they want and it's really sad. But God is so completely just and merciful that He (for lack of a better statement) went along with my selfishness. Because although I had a subconscious agenda, God still listened to me and God still spoke to me. He even dropped in my spirit a few times what was going to happen but I thought it was the enemy trying to discourage me. 

It's astonishing that God, even through all of my crap, still shows Himself strong and revealed myself to me.

 

Now that I have seen, I am responsible. Faith without deeds is dead

That's one of the lyrics to Brooke Fraser's song Albertine and it resounds through me all the time. Now that God has revealed my heart to me, I am responsible with what I do with this knowledge and how I move on from this point. 

All in all, God is relentless. He will not rest until we are reflections of His Son, Jesus and that is a beautiful thing to think about as a Christian. He will dig through ourselves and show us what we have overlooked. I just believe that we need to be open to see our faults and own up to them. Otherwise it's pointless. 

I know this post was more of a rant than anything but I hope this gets to the right people. 

Till Next Time...

Bobbing In The Current...

It's so wonderful when someone looks at you and sees something that you have overlooked.

I was talking with my friend who just got back from her studies at IBI for the summer and we were just catching up with the times. We got to the part where we were observing how much people have grown. I of course have seen tremendous growth in her as a person. She's seeking the Lord in such a way that I'm envious (the good kind, I promise) and she's snuggling in to her new adult life. Then she turned to me and told me that she's seen my maturity and I'm one of the most mature people she knows. 

Now granted, I've heard that from a lot of people since I was little. I've always felt like an older person. Always. It's just how I've been. But something about the way she said it really touched me. I started reflecting, later on, about what has been going on since the beginning of the year and to me, I feel like I'm a complete mess. There are times that I feel like people look at me and are disappointed in the choices I've made. But to know that someone has seen my growth is kind of remarkable and encouraging. 

It's also gotten me thinking about what God is going to do next. He's always working and I can see that now but there are moments in life where He seems more prominent. Kind of like a current. You don't really realized it's moving you until you look around and see the landscape changing. 

I can see that God is shifting. He's bringing people back into my life in a big and wonderful way and there must be a reason. God does nothing without a reason and a purpose. I'm totally stoked about it and I just pray I'll have the faith and trust in God to let Him take the reins. It's never good for a blind person to take the reins of a life that isn't his to begin with. Right? 

In case you didn't catch that, I'm the blind person in this analogy. Are you tracking? Okay good. :)

Till Next Time...

P.S. Hopefully God will give me a less expensive lesson to learn. Plane tickets to Boston aren't cheap. Ever. lol