Playing Catch Up (With My Life)

Goodness! It has been a while. Let's recap:

Last time I posted, I had just started ConStruct and announced that I was going to apply to Kingston University.

Well, ConStruct has been moving along quite well. Still trying to get my feet under me but it's happening! There are times when I feel completely unqualified and I don't know how to be qualified but that's all apart of the journey, right? Life wouldn't be life without some challenges, ya know?

As far as university goes, I've already applied! I sent out my application about a week and a half/two weeks ago and it's been crazy! I can't believe this is happening. I got my welcome package from the company that handles the UK university applications and literally had to calm myself down. Not because I was excited but because I was freaking. out. I think it was shock, mostly, but I also think it was because I realized that there's really no turning back. I've set this in motion and I have to see it through. I can't bow out now that I'm soooo close to getting to Europe, my childhood dream.

Things for Europe 2013 are shaping up well! I've booked my stay in London and Paris and paid for all my flights. This is also surreal. I never in a million years thought that I would get to say, "I'm going to Europe in January." It just sounds so cool to say! I'm sure people are completely sick of me talking about it but that's why God created earplugs. I will not be quiet. Just sit there and be jealous.

Everything else has been pretty interesting. My best friend moved to Ireland on Wednesday and I have to say, it was one of the hardest things I've experienced. Even though I know I'll be seeing her in January and we'll be seeing more of each other in Europe, it was hard just to know that she wasn't going to live 20 minutes away anymore. I wouldn't be able to just call her up and schedule a lunch/coffee date. But the fact that she is happy in Ireland is helping a lot. As her friend, I should be supporting her despite my feelings. I will never impose my feelings on her decisions simply because 1. that's manipulation; 2. it's already hard for her to leave, I shouldn't make things harder; and 3. I would be hindering her from her happiness. That's not okay.

Work has been good. I officially finish working at Old Navy this week. It was quite a run but I'm glad it's over. I have a new mistress now and she has twin tails, caffeine, and a voice that draws sailors to their deaths. Starbucks, may we make sweet lattes together.

Oh! And Wake Tech is fin. Since none of my credits will transfer to university, I've decided to hold off with my classes and focus on preparing for England. So there's that.

This is such an odd post! Soon I will have to post something of relevance to society. I need some of those in my life. In the meantime, if you are not following ConStruct or its twitter page, you should be ashamed of yourself! If you love me, you'll do these things ;)

Clearly I'm not above guilt trips...

Anyways,

Till Next Time...

Newest Foray & Exciting News...

It's done, guys!!

So in my last blog, I posted that I was going to start my own fashion blog. Well guys, I did it!

I had been planning out things to do with it and my mission for it and when I figured out a name, I bought the domain name and started gathering content. It's still in the early stages but it's official!

The blog is called "ConStruct" and you can go and follow it at constructstyle.com. It's pretty nerve-wracking to have a passion to do something and then doing it. It's going to be an uphill journey to get my posts out there and make a name for myself but I'm ready to do it. I'm done with waiting on other people to give me a chance. I'm giving myself a chance.

I've wanted to go into the fashion journalism field for a very long time but it took me a bit to even gather enough courage to do it. There's a stigma that guys can't like fashion or that they can't go into the fashion world. I refuse to believe that. I have a heart for the artistry that is fashion and I'm not going to let what anyone says stop me from doing it.

With that being said, I have some exciting news! Very few people already know this but whilst I'm on the subject of passion, I think it's the perfect time to tell you something that I've been trying to keep quiet about for a couple months.

A few months ago, I was sitting with a friend getting coffee and somehow we got to talking about passions and about #YOLO. If you haven't heard, #YOLO is a saying that has been wildly circulated and it means, "you only live once". We were talking about how true it is and how ridiculous our conversation was. Hahaha! But we started getting into what our passions were and what we wanted to do with our lives and of course I talked about Europe. I talked about how badly I want to move there and how crazy it sounds and blah blah blah. Then my friend said to me, "so just do it!" Not in a mean way but in a way that jolted me.

Just do it.

So I am.

In the next couple weeks I will be applying to Kingston University. If you haven't heard, Kingston is about 30 minutes outside of London and Kingston University is widely respected in the journalism community. Additionally, they have a graduate programme that includes fashion journalism which is perfect! My application is already finished, I'm literally just waiting for the application date to arrive. If I'm accepted, I will be preparing everything to move to Kingston in August 2013 for the Fall of 2013. But even if I'm not accepted, I will still be making conscious efforts to move there. Nothing is going to get in my way. I have waited far too long waiting for something to just drop in my lap. God has placed this desire in me and it's not going to be satisfied in this country. My mind is made up, my parents support me and that's all I need.

I understand that a lot of people aren't going to understand why I'm planning to leave but, frankly, I don't care. That's their problem. This is my life and I intend to live it. In Europe. :)

When I go to Dublin in January, I will most likely be visiting the campus, familiarising myself with the lay of the land, etc., etc.

I'm so excited and although I'll be sad to leave my friends and family, I'm thrilled with this new endeavour!

This is going to be a huge adventure and I can't wait to see what's going to happen!

Till Next Time...

Final Thoughts on Year 20 of My Life...(Mini-blog)

20 was an interesting year to say the least.

I made a lot of decisions in my life, I traveled a little bit, I made amazing friends. Most importantly, however, I became a lot bolder. Out of all the years I've been alive, 20 was perhaps the year that I was most self-assured. I know who I am, or at least a large deal of who I am. I know who I want to be and I know where I want to go in life.

For year 21, it will be the year of change and transition; starting with my trip to Ireland in January.

It's going to be awesome.

I'll try and keep you posted.

Goodbye 20! Hello 21...and WINE! hahahaha!

Till Next Time...

P.S. But seriously. Wine.

Where I Am...

Lately I've been trying to measure where I am.

Not like my physical location, but my state of being.

There has been quite a lot of changes that have happened over the past couple of months and it's in these moments that I like to try and make sure I'm keeping track of everything.

All things considered, I'm in a good place! I haven't been overtly stressed, school is manageable, work is work and my family is in a good place.

For the first time in quite a while, I'm genuinely happy. It's weird to say because many times I feel like things are just whirling about me but I'm at peace. I truly believe that this is God's handiwork. Only God could have given me such peace and this all stems from trusting Him. Like I've said a billion times, I've been training myself to keep remembering that God is sovereign. Anything He does is for my good and in trusting that, I will have peace!

This is probably the first time in my entire life that I've actually begun to truly trust God that He will take care of me and not just say it. I think it started with my decision to jump aboard the LifeCity train actually. That kind of move was the catalyst that got me off my rear and start walking in the faith I say I possess. I expected it to be hard and it was at first. But God, in His mercy, has given me such a peace. I'm just going to enjoy this while I can and allow it to strengthen me to continue to trust God in everything.

On another note, Easter is approaching quickly! I'm not exaggerating when I say it snuck up on me. It really did and I feel so unprepared lol However, I'm excited to go through this weekend keeping in mind Christ's sacrifice that allowed me and billions of people to have life beyond the carnal. He defeated death by dying and paved the way to eternal life through Him! I think that's cause for epic celebration ;) Speaking of celebrating, I'm excited to be with my LifeCity family for our first Easter together! It's going to be wonderful, refreshing and countless other dazzling adjectives :) I'll be praying that you keep your thoughts on Christ and rejoice with the Church! "Christ is risen from the dead, we are one with Him again..."

Oh! Before I forget, I've been listening to Christy Nockels' new album "Into the Glorious" practically non-stop since it was released. It's so worshipful. You can tell that these are her prayers to the Lord and not just songs for an album. She has meditated on these, it has taken root in her and it's reflected in the passion she has in her voice. SO amazing. Goodness gracious. God bless Christy Nockels and her brilliant musical prowess. haha! So if you want to get saved all over again, I recommend downloading it. It's like 10 buckaroos. Not a lot at all.

If you don't get it, I'll just assume you don't want to be saved or you don't love Jesus... :P haha!

Till Next Time...

P.S. How do you like the new layout? Cool huh? :)

The Path of Most Resistance...

Where to start!

So the Passion: White Flag album came out about a week ago and 1. it has been on consistently since the release and the soundtrack to work & 2. it has been reminding me about everything that went on during Passion. During that week, God was just so big to me! Seeing thousands of people gathered for the Lord is proof enough that He is working. Knowing that, I'm comparing to where I am now post-Passion, post the experience, post-Passion high. God has me in transition. He is moving me from a season to a new season and it's great! And God is still big! Even bigger now that I am in a place where I need to trust Him and I need to lean on Him. God has to be big. Bigger than anything I can conceive. And He is! :)

That being said, I have to report that there have been no meltdowns since leaving Journey! Yay! There were, however, many tears on my last Sunday. So. many. tears. But this is a good thing. I was talking to my friend the other day and just telling her that I'm expecting it to be difficult. So when things are difficult, I know that it's because I'm moving in the right direction. Growth does not come about without pain and difficultly. I think a lot of people don't think about that. They want to grow in Christ but the minute they feel some resistance, they stop and ask God to take away their pain. In that moment I can just imagine God being like, "what are you expecting me to do?!?"

Darby actually spoke about this at Refuel last Wednesday. He said, "when we take away trials and struggles, we take away the avenue of growth." And this is true in every instance. I believe he likened growth to weight lifting. There's going to be resistance there. It's going to be uncomfortable and painful but pressing on will yield growth.

Anyways, that was a bit of a rabbit trail but it needed to be addressed. :) So transitioning! Yes. It's going great. I've finally begun to let myself be happy and excited about being at LifeCity. Before, I felt a little hesitant about voicing my happiness to a group of my friends who knew I was leaving and were sad about it. But now, I'm allowing myself to be excited! I shouldn't have to squelch my joy. God is doing amazing things which calls for excitement and joy!

I'm looking forward to meeting with my missional community group next week and hopefully starting to play in a worship capacity soon! I've missed playing music and worship is my passion. Being away from it has made me a little antsy haha But I've been reminding myself of something that has been my rock when things get a little wonky. I remind myself of God's sovereignty. Anything He does is for my good even when it doesn't look how I expect it to look. He has my best interest in mind and I have no place to question God's methods :) It has been working because I'm not stressing as much and I've just been at peace with things going on around me :)

Also, there's a song from the Passion album that is pretty much my anthem. Helps with the "not stressing as much" :) Take a listen and just let it be your prayer. It's pretty amazing. :)

You Revive Me

Till Next Time...

Dispelling the Whispers: Rumour Has It...

:sigh:


I guess it's about time to address the whispers going around and speeding through the grapevine. I always knew that word traveled fast around Journey but it's just different when I experience is first hand. 1. It ruins all surprises and 2. It gets to important people well before I can get to these certain important people...

However, now that I have informed confirmed certain things to certain important people, I felt it would be good for the rest of the populace to hear straight from the horse's mouth.

The rumours are true. I have decided to be a part of a core team of people to help launch LifeCity Church in August! LifeCity is led by Darby Jurls and his wife Amy and I'm behind them 100%. I believe in the vision they have and I trust Darby implicitly. I'm very excited and completely terrified in the best way possible haha!

I always knew that I was supposed to make a big move of faith this year and this is it! Of course, I thought it was Europe but I'm actually quite thrilled that it isn't. In fact, I'm pretty sure that this is better that Europe. I can already feel God stretching me to do things and step out in faith in a completely different way and it's awesome!

It's also kind of sad because Journey has been my home for 6 years and just as I'm getting into a comfortable swing, God is scooping me out and setting me on my way lol But that's also a part of the problem. I have become quite comfortable at Journey and kind of plateaued spiritually. In Jimmy's message, something that stuck out to me is that growing isn't comfortable. That convicted me for quite a while so I decided to do something about it.

In all of this, in leaving Journey, I've actually come to understand it better which is completely weird. I'm finally understanding the vision of Journey and the strategy that Jimmy has. Journey is a launching pad. It trains up new believers to maturity and then launches them into the world to fulfill the mission Christ set out for the Church. I always sort of understood it in a way while I was attending but looking back I can see it clearly now. I grew up so much in these past 6 years and now I'm nearing the launching zone with these great people.

I can already feel like it's going to be hard making the transition but it's not going to actually hit home until March 18th (yes, March) when we branch off from Journey and meet as a core team for 6 months until we launch. However, this does not mean the end of all friendships at Journey; I am not falling off the face of the planet. I live like 2 blocks away from the church for crying out loud! I'm trying to hold on to that fact to keep from emotionally spiraling haha!

So the journey begins, and I'm ready for it. I'm currently actively looking for a car and getting started with things in that regard. It's going to be tough because I have a super low budget but my God is greater! I told God, "I have $1,000. I need a car. I'm giving this to You and trusting that You will come through." So that's that! I'm still searching but I know God is working already :)

Till Next Time...

Slowly Releasing My Deathgrip....

Oh why hello April! I didn't see you there. lol

This morning I'm feeling really grateful and blessed. I've been kind of reflecting on the things God's been doing in my life and it's really incredible. Even with the whole Berklee thing, I can't even make myself feel lethargic about the whole thing. Sure I'll get down every once in a while but God always manages to send something or someone to make me smile.
Which is annoying because in those moments, all I want to do is hate the world and here He comes trying to make me laugh and winning every time.
It's annoying yet reinforcing my conclusion that God and I are still on this, for lack of a better word, friendship road. :)

Recently I read this wonderful blog post and in the post, she was talking about a struggle that she had with something that she refused to give up to God because I'm sure she never would have thought that something that precious could have turned into a sin. But after I had finished, I immediately knew what I've been doing. I didn't even have to ask God.

I had refused to give up my visions for university.


It was right in front of my face all this time and I had pushed it aside saying "No. God placed this desire in me. It's right".
But I could have never been so wrong in my life.
Sure God placed the desire in me since I was a child but I have since had a death grip on the idea and not surrendering it to God.

Now that I know, I am responsible to give it to God. Which I have. And continue to do each time the embers are stoked in my heart.
I can't begin to tell you how painful it is to let go of something you've held on to for 10 years. But God never gives you something you can't bear. And He never gives you something that you are unable to surrender to Him.

I hope that encouraged someone today! I know it encourages me each time I talk about it or think about it because I know God's plan is so much bigger than mine. My silly notions of campus living, dorms, classes, coffeeshop study sessions, weekends in Cape Cod, day trips to Vermont, Friday nights in New York and concerts are so incredible small compared to what God sees in me. Those things are wonderful but my destiny is so much better than that. :)

I think I remember posting a blog talking about how I feel like God is transitioning me into a new season. I think that season is now. Not necessarily a change of location but a change of thought and desire and a renewed passion! I could go on and on but I'm going to stop for now. Going to practice for tonight! Playing at a Men's Worship Night at the Worship Center which happens to be the same place Journey recorded 'God Be Praised'! I knew I would play on that stage one day ;)

Till Next Time...