Fear...

Fear.

When you see or hear that word, what are the first things that pop into your mind?

I know for me, fear usually means vulnerability...rejection...failure...

It's not something that we look forward to in life but it is a part of it because we are humans living in a sinful world where fear is a powerful thing. We're surrounded by it everyday on the news, out in everyday life, in our homes and in schools. But it's what we do with that fear that determines how we move forward.

For me, I'm dealing a lot with fear of failure. I've allowed that fear keep me from doing a lot of things in my life. I know with school I, of course, wanted God to have his way and lead me in the right direction but although I really did have the desire to do what God wanted, I had an underlying fear of failure and moving in the wrong direction.  But what I didn't realize is that life is a highway (yes, that just happened. :cue Rascal Flatts:). God allows us to move forward but as long as we are staying focused on God, He will place markers in our lives to guide us along. We just have to keep moving. But moving forward kind of leaves you feeling almost...bare. At least with me it does. I don't like feeling vulnerable so this is a big thing. I feel like when I step forward that I am risking my heart and risking falling on my face and that hurts a lot! But I can see that it's what we do in our failures is what helps us to grow. We ought not to wallow in our failures but give them to God. In our failure is where God shines through the most. He covers that with his love and mercy, picks us up, sets us upright and pushes us along. And I've realized that although I feel bare walking forward, I'm really not. Being God's child, he will cover me with his protection. We just need to be bold, cast aside our fear, step forward in faith and trust God to show his glory in a mighty way.

In closing, we must remember that fear is not of God. It says in 2 Timothy 1:7 that God has not given us the spirit of fear but of love and of a sound mind. And in Isaiah 41:10 it gives us reasons not to fear. It says, "... fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God; I will strengthen you, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." We as believers in Christ do not have to live in fear. Compared to the truths in God's word, fear is illogical. There are countless reasons not to fear and proof that God takes care of his own. Like for instance, I realized that I am terrified of car accidents. Don't ask me why but I do. I'm in a car and seeing the traffic around me is seizing. It's awful. But when I really thing about it, I haven't been in any traumatizing accidents therefore my fear of car accidents is illogical and unfounded. I have to step back, know that this is a tactic of the enemy and I need to cast it aside, be bold and say, "No. God has not given this to me so I don't want it. I refuse to accept this fear." I think everyone should say that. Look their fear in the face and say "I don't want you. Go away". Be bold with your fear! I know that sounds like a paradox because fear prevents you from being bold but you have God as your backbone and his Word as your protection so you're pretty much set. :)


Till Next Time...


P.S. If Rascal Flatts is still on your mind, here is the music video! Life is a Highway. And it has clips from the movie Cars so double win! :D

My Secret Is....

I hate asking myself the hard questions.

Like, 'What do you believe in?'

And, 'What is your secret?', 'What is holding you back in your walk with God?'

Those questions, however helpful, are freakin awful.

I just got back from small group where I found myself tuning in and out the topic at hand to ask myself those questions. I was not prepared to ask myself anything really. In fact, if I was being honest with myself, I really didn't think I needed to ask myself those questions at all.

I mean, I accepted Christ when I was 7 and really started living out my faith when I was 13 or 14 so I felt like I shouldn't really need to ask myself 'What do you believe in?'. Sure those questions are very healthy to ask but just asking them (again, mind you) felt...dirty.

Anyways, small group, really deep stuff.
I began thinking about what was holding me back from living a fulfilled life and I feel like I've known all along but chose to believe it was something else.
The answer I came to admit to myself is that I'm afraid of being vulnerable. It's really the answer to a lot of the problems I have. It's the reason I'm terrified of a relationship with anyone, including God; the reason I struggle with writing music, the reason I am out of touch with many emotions....the list could go on.

It's really to the point that I begin to shake uncontrollably when I start talking about anything that is personal to me. It's like a reflex. My heart starts to open and my brain immediately moves in and says "whoa there! What's going on here? SEAL THE DOORS!" the alarm, the shuddering, goes off and that's that.

I don't know why I'm posting this in a blog, admitting my faults online, but maybe someone somewhere will read this and feel safe knowing that they're not alone.
But I am not satisfied just knowing this about myself. God allows things to be revealed to make us better and to draw us closer to Him and I am determined to fight against this.

"God has not given us the spirit of fear but the spirit of Love and of a sound mind"


It is not God's will for me to live bound by fear and I trust that He will see me through. 

Till Next Time...

P.S. Totally thought I got off easy Sunday because I thought, 'I don't have a secret! Psh!'...this is way worst because of the false hope....lol