So I'm sitting here, looking at my class schedule for fall semester and just thinking about so many things.
Yesterday, I registered for all the classes I wanted to take (minus Spanish 111 and History 111 :/) and suddenly I was plagued by all kinds of worry. See, the classes I'm taking are on campus. All of them, minus my Political Science course which is online. This started the snowball of terror about a car, then about paying for classes, paying for books, scolding myself for buying everything this year and countless other things. It finally came to the point, when I was trying to take a nap before work, that I just said, "God, I need peace. There's no freaking way I can do this anymore; all the worrying and fear. I need you to take it." It was at that moment that I started going through my Bible app (I'm such a modern Christian...) and reading passages about peace and being imperfect. I was reminded of God's love and how Jesus wasn't worried when He had so much to worry about. There's a passage in John where Jesus is praying before He's about to be betrayed. He didn't whine to God about how afraid he was, nor did he ask God to give him peace. He knew that God knew what He was doing and in the prayer he prayed, He prayed for us, the future believers in Christ. He prayed that we would receive the same joy that was imparted to him by God, that we would be with him in Heaven and that we would have everything that Jesus had and more! That brought such great perspective! Here I am worrying about my life and how it's going to pan out in the next couple months when Jesus was about to die for the sins of the world and he prayed for people he did not even meet yet.
I say all that to say that I'm done with the worrying. It's stupid and I say that all the time but it really is. I'm quickly discovering how much of a worrier I am and I need to take steps to combat that. With knowledge comes responsibility. Now that I know, I have a mandate to take action, for I lose all rights to complain or worry when I know what combats that and that's getting into the word; bringing myself perspective through reading my Bible and reminding myself that there's so much more to this life. My life is such a flicker so I should be making more of it other than aging myself ungracefully with worry!
This is all coming after a couple of months where I've felt really really distant from God. I don't remember a time in my life where I was so challenged in my faith and how much of a grip God has on my heart. I've realized that whether I read my Bible or pray or even go to meet with my church, music will be the one thing that I will not stop doing. God knows this and He has made worship my anchor in Him and He, my anchor to this world. Worship music is my passion and whenever I start to doubt, God will manage to put me in a situation where I have to come before Him with my music. I don't know any other way to play music than to come before God and that...there's really no describing how interesting that is haha When you're questioning God and faith and then brought to a situation where you are placed in a spot directly in front of Him. It's both confusing and reassuring at the same time. In that moment of playing, I feel God's realness and at the time it kind of made me mad but looking back, it was the only thing keeping me from stepping away from God, to be completely honest. I'm coming through this pretty beaten up but I know my best days are ahead of me. I'm still being molded and shaped and tempered but I still have God and he has me so I'm golden!
If I could just ask that you all keep me in your prayer. Pray that I pursue God with a recklessness. I'm tired of being safe with God. It's kind of boring haha Also pray that God helps me see what He's doing in the next couple of months and that he continues to provide. Looking back at everything, I'm seeing how much God has provided and suddenly my worry seems meaningless. God had my back so there should not be a reason He still wouldn't have my back. I've already decided that my education is priority and that I need to do whatever it takes; even if it means I have to walk 30 minutes to school every single day. I'm not going to let things get in my way. I have a desire to learn and God will help me, of this I am assured.
Till Next Time...
Showing posts with label scripture. Show all posts
Showing posts with label scripture. Show all posts
6.20.2012
10.11.2011
Heart of a Worshiper...
I have a question.
If the mission of the Church is to be "fishers of men"; to go out into the world and preach of Christ's love and you are not doing any of it, how can you call yourself a church?
It's a legitimate question and I think it's a question we all need to ask ourselves as a body.
I feel like I'm writing all of this in reverse. The question wasn't the beginning but a result of what I witness no more than an hour or so ago.
I was at a rather traditional church with my family and some friends from Journey because an artist had asked my dad and two other women (who happen to go to Journey) to sing back-up for him.
Awesome!
It was something that they had done before at a church downtown and it was phenomenal so naturally I wanted to hear it again and support my daddy and my friends. The service began and I will admit, I was a little put off. But it came time for everyone to take the stage and my dad and the two ladies are sitting next to me in the audience!
I come to find out that the 'church' said to my dad and the other Journey ladies (really they only spoke to the artist and he relayed the information) and told them that they "weren't presentable" because the ladies happened to be wearing pants.
WHAT. IS. THAT.
To say that is ridiculous is an grand understatement. That is blatant ignorance and refusal let go of archaic rules. I could go on and on about women's rights to wear whatever the heck they want but this is the church. We are held to a different standard. Where in the Bible, God's holy word, does it say that women are only allowed to wear skirts and pretty dresses? I will kindly answer that for you so you don't waste your time Googling and searching biblegateway.com: the answer is NOWHERE.
In fact the Bible says the opposite. And I have to thank my beautiful friend Patience for sending me this perfect verse. In 1 Samuel 16:7 it says "But the Lord said to Samuel, "Do not consider his appearance or his height for I have rejected him. The Lord does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart,"
The heart of the worshiper. That's what God cares about. He doesn't look at whether you are wearing a hat, wearing a skirt or dress or if you have tattoos covering every single pore of your body. His desire is for relationship with you. He wants your heart.
And further, how are you reaching out and fulfilling the mission Jesus set for the church? We need to meet people where we are not stand on our pulpits and expect the world to change for us.
But I have to say that the saddest part of all of this is that while I was sitting next to the Journey ladies, they were singing to God as if nothing had happened because they knew it wasn't about them. They were there to worship God, not to put on a show. And God still worked in spite of everything because the woman sitting in front of us was in tears because the ladies' voices touched her heart.
Witnessing all of this makes me value the freedom that I have to worship in my jeans and my hat :)
Till Next Time...
If the mission of the Church is to be "fishers of men"; to go out into the world and preach of Christ's love and you are not doing any of it, how can you call yourself a church?
It's a legitimate question and I think it's a question we all need to ask ourselves as a body.
I feel like I'm writing all of this in reverse. The question wasn't the beginning but a result of what I witness no more than an hour or so ago.
I was at a rather traditional church with my family and some friends from Journey because an artist had asked my dad and two other women (who happen to go to Journey) to sing back-up for him.
Awesome!
It was something that they had done before at a church downtown and it was phenomenal so naturally I wanted to hear it again and support my daddy and my friends. The service began and I will admit, I was a little put off. But it came time for everyone to take the stage and my dad and the two ladies are sitting next to me in the audience!
I come to find out that the 'church' said to my dad and the other Journey ladies (really they only spoke to the artist and he relayed the information) and told them that they "weren't presentable" because the ladies happened to be wearing pants.
WHAT. IS. THAT.
To say that is ridiculous is an grand understatement. That is blatant ignorance and refusal let go of archaic rules. I could go on and on about women's rights to wear whatever the heck they want but this is the church. We are held to a different standard. Where in the Bible, God's holy word, does it say that women are only allowed to wear skirts and pretty dresses? I will kindly answer that for you so you don't waste your time Googling and searching biblegateway.com: the answer is NOWHERE.
In fact the Bible says the opposite. And I have to thank my beautiful friend Patience for sending me this perfect verse. In 1 Samuel 16:7 it says "But the Lord said to Samuel, "Do not consider his appearance or his height for I have rejected him. The Lord does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart,"
The heart of the worshiper. That's what God cares about. He doesn't look at whether you are wearing a hat, wearing a skirt or dress or if you have tattoos covering every single pore of your body. His desire is for relationship with you. He wants your heart.
And further, how are you reaching out and fulfilling the mission Jesus set for the church? We need to meet people where we are not stand on our pulpits and expect the world to change for us.
But I have to say that the saddest part of all of this is that while I was sitting next to the Journey ladies, they were singing to God as if nothing had happened because they knew it wasn't about them. They were there to worship God, not to put on a show. And God still worked in spite of everything because the woman sitting in front of us was in tears because the ladies' voices touched her heart.
Witnessing all of this makes me value the freedom that I have to worship in my jeans and my hat :)
Till Next Time...
6.25.2011
I'm Not A Theologian But...
Well this is an interesting thought/question and maybe I can get some feedback from my readers?
I was talking to one of my good friends like literally 20 minutes ago just about life and the reality of it. And I brought up the question: Where do we draw the line between being complacent and ungrateful?
I've actually wondered this for a long time because I've made it no secret that I have no desire to live where I'm living anymore. My heart is in Europe, a place I have never lain eyes on but feel so drawn to. But when do I stop and say, "Whoa. Let's stop here. I'm beginning to be ungrateful."
I hear all the time that we should be happy where we are in life. But I refuse to be complacent. I will not, I repeat, will not be satisfied by staying in one place for the rest of my life. I can feel it right now and it is as strong now as it was years ago. In fact, I'm feeling it stronger. Like my head is bouncing against the ceiling.
I think that being ungrateful would mean that I was taking advantage of everything and everyone around me which I'm most certainly not doing.
But what is wrong with wanting something more?
Something better?
Something new?
Is that too much to ask?
And how would one go about leaving everything and everyone they know to pursue a life that is unclear. Where is the line between faith and foolishness?
Faith is clearly stated in Hebrews 1:1-3 (ESV) "Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen. For by it the people of old received their commendation. By faith we understand that the universe was created by the Word of God, so that what is seen was not made out of things that are visible..."
See? And weren't those champions of faith seen as foolish carrying out things that they were complete unsure of? I believe it's merely a manner of perception. The world will see is as foolhardiness but a Christian should be able to look at it and see faith at work. But I feel like there are a lot of Christians who will look at me and see a foolish boy hoping for many things and ungrateful.
A part of me wants to say "Screw you" but there's another part of me is wary of my decisions...I don't know. I feel like I start blogs with a thought and it carries into a rant. But who cares. It's my blog. I do what I wants! Haha!
But let me know what you think in the comments. I never ask for comments but I'm interested to hear what other points of view there are. If I don't see comments, I will assume that all my readers agree with me completely. :)
Till Next Time...
I was talking to one of my good friends like literally 20 minutes ago just about life and the reality of it. And I brought up the question: Where do we draw the line between being complacent and ungrateful?
I've actually wondered this for a long time because I've made it no secret that I have no desire to live where I'm living anymore. My heart is in Europe, a place I have never lain eyes on but feel so drawn to. But when do I stop and say, "Whoa. Let's stop here. I'm beginning to be ungrateful."
I hear all the time that we should be happy where we are in life. But I refuse to be complacent. I will not, I repeat, will not be satisfied by staying in one place for the rest of my life. I can feel it right now and it is as strong now as it was years ago. In fact, I'm feeling it stronger. Like my head is bouncing against the ceiling.
I think that being ungrateful would mean that I was taking advantage of everything and everyone around me which I'm most certainly not doing.
But what is wrong with wanting something more?
Something better?
Something new?
Is that too much to ask?
And how would one go about leaving everything and everyone they know to pursue a life that is unclear. Where is the line between faith and foolishness?
Faith is clearly stated in Hebrews 1:1-3 (ESV) "Now faith is the assurance of things hoped for, the conviction of things not seen. For by it the people of old received their commendation. By faith we understand that the universe was created by the Word of God, so that what is seen was not made out of things that are visible..."
See? And weren't those champions of faith seen as foolish carrying out things that they were complete unsure of? I believe it's merely a manner of perception. The world will see is as foolhardiness but a Christian should be able to look at it and see faith at work. But I feel like there are a lot of Christians who will look at me and see a foolish boy hoping for many things and ungrateful.
A part of me wants to say "Screw you" but there's another part of me is wary of my decisions...I don't know. I feel like I start blogs with a thought and it carries into a rant. But who cares. It's my blog. I do what I wants! Haha!
But let me know what you think in the comments. I never ask for comments but I'm interested to hear what other points of view there are. If I don't see comments, I will assume that all my readers agree with me completely. :)
Till Next Time...
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