Happy belated Christmas! :)
With Passion 2012 fast approaching (6 days!!) I've begun to start thinking about the new year and what it holds for my life. Already I know it's going to be different because around this time last year, I was preparing to make my second trip to Boston for my Berklee audition.
This year is the year of school...at least the first half of it.
I start school in a week. Can you even believe it? After 2 (going on 3) years out of school, I'm finally jumping back into the game with a whole new plan in mind. It's kind of scary; having a plan and all. I'm always scared when I have a plan. Not that it will fail but that it will change and be out of my control. I mean, that's the point of a plan: to be in control of the situations, the elements and the outcome. Changing the plan or shifting the plan's controller or even scrapping the plan altogether is most definitely not in the plan...but you know, things happen. :shudder:
Another element of this year that I've been thinking about began formulating just the past couple of months. My friends and I have been in talks of taking a trip to Europe in the Spring/Summer. It is as exciting as it is terrifying. Those who have been to Europe or Type A people in general know what I'm talking about. Planning will be key, finances will have to be in order and things just have to be right unless we plan on roughing it through the continent (which I'm not completely against actually). Furthermore, this Europe trip has got me thinking about the rest of my life.
How does that correlate?
Well I'm glad you silently wondered that because I'm about to answer!
Mind you, I only just voiced this to my friends last night (and one of my best friends gave me some really fantastic advice by the way) but I've been thinking about this since last summer.
I've made it no secret that my heart is drawn to Europe. I know it's crazy because I've never been there but I've always felt a draw to Europe. So now I'm presented with the thought of where I should invest my life. I've already created a foundation here in America but now that I'm an adult, I have to begin creating a life for myself. As my friend pointed out, my mind is already European from the way I carry myself to my style of dress to my thought processes. However, now I have to decide if or when I need to begin to put my thoughts into actions.
Definitely begin to pray for me about these things. I definitely will be haha
Also pray that the Journey College group is safe as we travel to Atlanta on Monday. I'm so very excited and will try and keep updating here.
Till Next Time...
12.27.2011
11.07.2011
Wait-listed...
Oh man.
I feel like I have said that every day for the past couple of weeks. But it's so fitting!
Today I registered for my classes at WakeTech...albeit 2 classes but still, it's a start.
It's kind of surreal that after all the drama that I've gone through (and still going through btw. We'll get to that later) with schools that I'm finally stepping forward and getting more education. I know a lot of people aren't a big fan of that but that's why I always recommend waiting a while after you get out of high school to decide if this is really the path you want to take. I mean it's a really big step; don't take it lightly.
Anyways, yeah it's weird. I'm taking a Political Science class (SO WEIRD) and a General Psychology class. All, and I literally mean all, of the classes I was planning to take are either closed or waitlisted (including my English class which makes me sad...so sad). So better luck next semester I guess haha!
Oh! Back to the drama that is happening with my school.
So...
Anyone who has dealt with any section of the government knows that it is a pain in the ass to get anything done. There are enough forms with random numbers to drown you or make you want to give up halfway through. I am of course talking about Financial Aid! Yay.
I filled out my X900TYJSJD forms and sent them promptly through priority mail to the school about a month ago only to get an email from the school at the beginning of the month stating that I needed to fill them out AGAIN! How freaking fun is that, guys? And the kicker is that I got this email on the 2nd of November. The due date was on the 1st of November. Imagine my blind rage as I send strongly worded emails oddly devoid of obscenities to the Financial Aid office. It wasn't pretty.
In all of this, I was led right back to trusting God for things completely out of my hands and we all know how I love being in this position. But I have to admit that this time was harder than the others simply because I had said the same thing to God when I was dealing with Berklee. All of these old feelings of doubt and discouragement rose up and left me in a stupor for a couple days. It was only when I said, "screw it all. I can't control this so I'm just going to give this up. I don't need it despite what my head says" that I finally was allowed to be happy! I'm not saying it was easy at all but the older I get and the more experience I get, the more I find myself in situations causing me to trust God again. And He has worked it out as far as I am concerned. If I recall, all the classes I wanted to take are waitlisted and I'm only taking 2 which means less money I have to shuffle out!
Isn't God grand? I'm so glad that He's got my back even when I'm stupid :)
Till Next Time...
I feel like I have said that every day for the past couple of weeks. But it's so fitting!
Today I registered for my classes at WakeTech...albeit 2 classes but still, it's a start.
It's kind of surreal that after all the drama that I've gone through (and still going through btw. We'll get to that later) with schools that I'm finally stepping forward and getting more education. I know a lot of people aren't a big fan of that but that's why I always recommend waiting a while after you get out of high school to decide if this is really the path you want to take. I mean it's a really big step; don't take it lightly.
Anyways, yeah it's weird. I'm taking a Political Science class (SO WEIRD) and a General Psychology class. All, and I literally mean all, of the classes I was planning to take are either closed or waitlisted (including my English class which makes me sad...so sad). So better luck next semester I guess haha!
Oh! Back to the drama that is happening with my school.
So...
Anyone who has dealt with any section of the government knows that it is a pain in the ass to get anything done. There are enough forms with random numbers to drown you or make you want to give up halfway through. I am of course talking about Financial Aid! Yay.
I filled out my X900TYJSJD forms and sent them promptly through priority mail to the school about a month ago only to get an email from the school at the beginning of the month stating that I needed to fill them out AGAIN! How freaking fun is that, guys? And the kicker is that I got this email on the 2nd of November. The due date was on the 1st of November. Imagine my blind rage as I send strongly worded emails oddly devoid of obscenities to the Financial Aid office. It wasn't pretty.
In all of this, I was led right back to trusting God for things completely out of my hands and we all know how I love being in this position. But I have to admit that this time was harder than the others simply because I had said the same thing to God when I was dealing with Berklee. All of these old feelings of doubt and discouragement rose up and left me in a stupor for a couple days. It was only when I said, "screw it all. I can't control this so I'm just going to give this up. I don't need it despite what my head says" that I finally was allowed to be happy! I'm not saying it was easy at all but the older I get and the more experience I get, the more I find myself in situations causing me to trust God again. And He has worked it out as far as I am concerned. If I recall, all the classes I wanted to take are waitlisted and I'm only taking 2 which means less money I have to shuffle out!
Isn't God grand? I'm so glad that He's got my back even when I'm stupid :)
Till Next Time...
10.28.2011
Bel Far Niente
There are literally no words for how peaceful I am right now.
I decided a couple of weeks ago to go and visit my dearest friend in Greensboro for a weekend simply because I had missed her greatly. I knew she had school but still, just the intention of going away for a weekend was brilliant. As the date got closer I began to try and figure out things to do at like every second which isn't new for me. I like to do things. All the time.
Is it healthy? Absolutely not.
Was I going to try and do it anyways? Absolutely.
But sometime between planning and actually leaving I decided to say 'meh' to all of it and just...be.
Best decision of my life.
There is just something about just letting yourself be your only company. I think a lot of people have that problem especially in America. We are surrounded by things to capture our attention and we gravitate towards it like moths to a flame without even thinking. By the time we realize we haven't had any time to ourselves, we are too over-planned to do anything about it which is sad. I found myself in that situation and immediately thought, "there is no possible way I can sacrifice a weekend. I have this and this...etc."
But in these moments we have to stop and consider what we are doing to ourselves. Our bodies are a temple and the temple can't have any maintenance done to it if it is constantly doing things.
I decided a couple of weeks ago to go and visit my dearest friend in Greensboro for a weekend simply because I had missed her greatly. I knew she had school but still, just the intention of going away for a weekend was brilliant. As the date got closer I began to try and figure out things to do at like every second which isn't new for me. I like to do things. All the time.
Is it healthy? Absolutely not.
Was I going to try and do it anyways? Absolutely.
But sometime between planning and actually leaving I decided to say 'meh' to all of it and just...be.
Best decision of my life.
There is just something about just letting yourself be your only company. I think a lot of people have that problem especially in America. We are surrounded by things to capture our attention and we gravitate towards it like moths to a flame without even thinking. By the time we realize we haven't had any time to ourselves, we are too over-planned to do anything about it which is sad. I found myself in that situation and immediately thought, "there is no possible way I can sacrifice a weekend. I have this and this...etc."
But in these moments we have to stop and consider what we are doing to ourselves. Our bodies are a temple and the temple can't have any maintenance done to it if it is constantly doing things.
I was watching Eat, Pray, Love the other day (which is a great movie, at least the Italy part. Same thing with the book. Italy = the way to go) and there's a scene when the main character is sitting in a barber shop in Rome talking with some of her Italian friends and one of the men says something that was so beautiful. He says that there is a saying in Italian, "Bel far niente - the beauty of doing nothing". He says that Italians are masters of it. They know that there is a time for everything. Not just work.
So, in closing, treat yourself today. Make sure you are not overworking yourself and make some time to just be. Your body will thank you and you'll be happier because of it! :)
Till Next Time...
10.11.2011
Heart of a Worshiper...
I have a question.
If the mission of the Church is to be "fishers of men"; to go out into the world and preach of Christ's love and you are not doing any of it, how can you call yourself a church?
It's a legitimate question and I think it's a question we all need to ask ourselves as a body.
I feel like I'm writing all of this in reverse. The question wasn't the beginning but a result of what I witness no more than an hour or so ago.
I was at a rather traditional church with my family and some friends from Journey because an artist had asked my dad and two other women (who happen to go to Journey) to sing back-up for him.
Awesome!
It was something that they had done before at a church downtown and it was phenomenal so naturally I wanted to hear it again and support my daddy and my friends. The service began and I will admit, I was a little put off. But it came time for everyone to take the stage and my dad and the two ladies are sitting next to me in the audience!
I come to find out that the 'church' said to my dad and the other Journey ladies (really they only spoke to the artist and he relayed the information) and told them that they "weren't presentable" because the ladies happened to be wearing pants.
WHAT. IS. THAT.
To say that is ridiculous is an grand understatement. That is blatant ignorance and refusal let go of archaic rules. I could go on and on about women's rights to wear whatever the heck they want but this is the church. We are held to a different standard. Where in the Bible, God's holy word, does it say that women are only allowed to wear skirts and pretty dresses? I will kindly answer that for you so you don't waste your time Googling and searching biblegateway.com: the answer is NOWHERE.
In fact the Bible says the opposite. And I have to thank my beautiful friend Patience for sending me this perfect verse. In 1 Samuel 16:7 it says "But the Lord said to Samuel, "Do not consider his appearance or his height for I have rejected him. The Lord does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart,"
The heart of the worshiper. That's what God cares about. He doesn't look at whether you are wearing a hat, wearing a skirt or dress or if you have tattoos covering every single pore of your body. His desire is for relationship with you. He wants your heart.
And further, how are you reaching out and fulfilling the mission Jesus set for the church? We need to meet people where we are not stand on our pulpits and expect the world to change for us.
But I have to say that the saddest part of all of this is that while I was sitting next to the Journey ladies, they were singing to God as if nothing had happened because they knew it wasn't about them. They were there to worship God, not to put on a show. And God still worked in spite of everything because the woman sitting in front of us was in tears because the ladies' voices touched her heart.
Witnessing all of this makes me value the freedom that I have to worship in my jeans and my hat :)
Till Next Time...
If the mission of the Church is to be "fishers of men"; to go out into the world and preach of Christ's love and you are not doing any of it, how can you call yourself a church?
It's a legitimate question and I think it's a question we all need to ask ourselves as a body.
I feel like I'm writing all of this in reverse. The question wasn't the beginning but a result of what I witness no more than an hour or so ago.
I was at a rather traditional church with my family and some friends from Journey because an artist had asked my dad and two other women (who happen to go to Journey) to sing back-up for him.
Awesome!
It was something that they had done before at a church downtown and it was phenomenal so naturally I wanted to hear it again and support my daddy and my friends. The service began and I will admit, I was a little put off. But it came time for everyone to take the stage and my dad and the two ladies are sitting next to me in the audience!
I come to find out that the 'church' said to my dad and the other Journey ladies (really they only spoke to the artist and he relayed the information) and told them that they "weren't presentable" because the ladies happened to be wearing pants.
WHAT. IS. THAT.
To say that is ridiculous is an grand understatement. That is blatant ignorance and refusal let go of archaic rules. I could go on and on about women's rights to wear whatever the heck they want but this is the church. We are held to a different standard. Where in the Bible, God's holy word, does it say that women are only allowed to wear skirts and pretty dresses? I will kindly answer that for you so you don't waste your time Googling and searching biblegateway.com: the answer is NOWHERE.
In fact the Bible says the opposite. And I have to thank my beautiful friend Patience for sending me this perfect verse. In 1 Samuel 16:7 it says "But the Lord said to Samuel, "Do not consider his appearance or his height for I have rejected him. The Lord does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart,"
The heart of the worshiper. That's what God cares about. He doesn't look at whether you are wearing a hat, wearing a skirt or dress or if you have tattoos covering every single pore of your body. His desire is for relationship with you. He wants your heart.
And further, how are you reaching out and fulfilling the mission Jesus set for the church? We need to meet people where we are not stand on our pulpits and expect the world to change for us.
But I have to say that the saddest part of all of this is that while I was sitting next to the Journey ladies, they were singing to God as if nothing had happened because they knew it wasn't about them. They were there to worship God, not to put on a show. And God still worked in spite of everything because the woman sitting in front of us was in tears because the ladies' voices touched her heart.
Witnessing all of this makes me value the freedom that I have to worship in my jeans and my hat :)
Till Next Time...
9.27.2011
The Roundabout
I think I've got it now!
Okay so earlier this month (or maybe it was last month?) I finally realized where I wanted to be. And it wasn't the place I expected to be but somehow I always knew it was where I would end up. I shall explain and cease being cryptic.
In my college small group a while ago we were talking about what we wanted to be as kids and what we want to be now. The latter question always freak me out. Don't ask me why. I'm just weird.
Peoples' "kid" answers varied from astronaut to elephant and their "now" answers varied from still deciding to travelling the globe.
Anyways, it came to be my turn. "When I was a kid I wanted to be a scientist, then wanted to be an astronomer. That didn't last long. Then I wanted to be psychologist."
I could already feel the pressure as I got closer to the question that has beenhaunting simmering in me for the longest time. "What do you want to do now?"
I just opened my mouth and said the first thing that came in my head.
It wasn't a scientist, for that required me to know things I was not good at.
It wasn't an astronomer because I mean really...
It wasn't a psychologist, for I found out I wouldn't legally see my first patient till I was 30 and it turns out that I don't have as much patience for people's problems as I originally thought...
And it wasn't even music even though I love playing music and will probably continue throughout my life.
"I want to be a journalist. I want to write and travel the world."
Well that was easy.
But in was literally in that moment that everything just kind of fell into place. I've been writing since I was little and it has been one of the most constant things in my life. I never really thought that I could do this as a career because to me it was fun! It came naturally to me and it was, and still is, the best way that I communicate to people. It makes sense!
And it turns out that 2 of my very best friends are going to be studying that same field so how cool is that?! I want to say that God gave me such a grand revelation but really, He gave me that passion to me a long time ago. It just took over 10 years to realize it. Haha! How crazy is that? That God gives us things and takes us on the roundabout way only to bring us to the place where we can tell ourselves that this is what we want and what we've always wanted. That's God's perfect timing once again because I would have never admitted to myself that I wanted to be a journalist a year ago or even 2 years ago. But all it took was one person saying, "you're good at this. You should look into moving forward with writing" for me to begin to mull it over and then for my college group leader to ask that question that scared me for so long.
So! After all of this, I have taken the steps towards journalism knowing that God's got this. I have submitted my application to Wake Tech for the spring semester in their transfer program. (NEVER thought that would happen...) I'm still in the process of admission but after that is over I will be taking online classes (thanks Shelbs for piquing me to that information :)). After I finish the transfer program I will transfer my credits to UNC for their journalism degree! Just writing that makes me smile! :D
Please continue to pray for me. Pray that I don't lose sight of God in the midst of all this paperwork and that I always remember that God's got this! Thanks!
Till Next Time...
Okay so earlier this month (or maybe it was last month?) I finally realized where I wanted to be. And it wasn't the place I expected to be but somehow I always knew it was where I would end up. I shall explain and cease being cryptic.
In my college small group a while ago we were talking about what we wanted to be as kids and what we want to be now. The latter question always freak me out. Don't ask me why. I'm just weird.
Peoples' "kid" answers varied from astronaut to elephant and their "now" answers varied from still deciding to travelling the globe.
Anyways, it came to be my turn. "When I was a kid I wanted to be a scientist, then wanted to be an astronomer. That didn't last long. Then I wanted to be psychologist."
I could already feel the pressure as I got closer to the question that has been
I just opened my mouth and said the first thing that came in my head.
It wasn't a scientist, for that required me to know things I was not good at.
It wasn't an astronomer because I mean really...
It wasn't a psychologist, for I found out I wouldn't legally see my first patient till I was 30 and it turns out that I don't have as much patience for people's problems as I originally thought...
And it wasn't even music even though I love playing music and will probably continue throughout my life.
"I want to be a journalist. I want to write and travel the world."
Well that was easy.
But in was literally in that moment that everything just kind of fell into place. I've been writing since I was little and it has been one of the most constant things in my life. I never really thought that I could do this as a career because to me it was fun! It came naturally to me and it was, and still is, the best way that I communicate to people. It makes sense!
And it turns out that 2 of my very best friends are going to be studying that same field so how cool is that?! I want to say that God gave me such a grand revelation but really, He gave me that passion to me a long time ago. It just took over 10 years to realize it. Haha! How crazy is that? That God gives us things and takes us on the roundabout way only to bring us to the place where we can tell ourselves that this is what we want and what we've always wanted. That's God's perfect timing once again because I would have never admitted to myself that I wanted to be a journalist a year ago or even 2 years ago. But all it took was one person saying, "you're good at this. You should look into moving forward with writing" for me to begin to mull it over and then for my college group leader to ask that question that scared me for so long.
So! After all of this, I have taken the steps towards journalism knowing that God's got this. I have submitted my application to Wake Tech for the spring semester in their transfer program. (NEVER thought that would happen...) I'm still in the process of admission but after that is over I will be taking online classes (thanks Shelbs for piquing me to that information :)). After I finish the transfer program I will transfer my credits to UNC for their journalism degree! Just writing that makes me smile! :D
Please continue to pray for me. Pray that I don't lose sight of God in the midst of all this paperwork and that I always remember that God's got this! Thanks!
Till Next Time...
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