Detour...

In every journey, there are stops and starts.

This happens to be my detour...

As many of you know, I am gearing up to leave the country for school. Super crazy and stressful. Did I mention stressful? Especially when things don't quite go as planned. My original plan was to apply for a bunch of scholarships and also apply for a loan for the rest of my expenses (ex. Visa costs, moving costs, flights). However, when I went to apply for the loan, they were about to deny me but asked instead for a co-signer. I never wanted a co-signer. It wasn't just that I didn't want help; I need all the help I can get. It was more to the fact that this was my decision. I never wanted anyone else to have to sacrifice anything for me. I've supported myself through the entirety of my college experience(s) and I wasn't really prepared to have to bring in someone else. 

Never mind the fact that there was no one else to bring in. 

You can imagine my distress. This was the plan. Apply for scholarships. Apply for loans. Go to Kingston. This needed this to work because it was the only plan I could see. My hope began to fail. One of my reservations about college in the first place was finances and now it looked like it was going to be my undoing...

But there is no denying that God has placed this on my life. There is nothing I feel more strongly than me being in England. The draw has been there since I was little and has only grown stronger the more I  have gotten older. 

Someone once said that God uses our circumstances to show Himself off. Someone else said that God is privy to our circumstances; our cries and distresses. He is not ignorant to our situation and I have to keep that in mind for me or else I will go insane. 

It's still taking every ounce of courage and strength to even say "I'm going" rather than "I might go" but I will continue to say that I'm going. 'When' not 'if'. I must remain faith-filled and speak things as they are already. This goes against everything my brain tells me. I've talked about this before about me being a planner. I need to see what's around the corner and I need to plan accordingly. I like to control the situation. But in controlling the situation, I take responsibility for the outcome. Whether that be good or bad, it's on me. 

So, in this current season of doubt and uncertainty, I must hold on to the things I know:

God is faithful.

God sees.

God hears.

Faith is not seeing, it's believing in the Author of Faith. 

Anything that happens does not escape the eye of God. 

God knows my heart and how much this is painful for me. 

If you're reading this, please continue to pray. I'm still trusting in God but my brain keeps seeing Kingston slipping through my fingers and that scares me. I know there are other ways to move to Europe but I've put a lot into this and to see it crumble will be so humiliating...

Anyways, thanks everyone :)

Till Next Time...

The Immensity of Motherhood...

Happy Mother's Day!

On the 15th of August, 1991 in a hospital in New Jersey, I was brought into the world. 

A new journey began. 

My life literally lay before me. 

But what some people don't realise is that another journey began that day as well. 

A journey for my mother.

I was her first child. The beginning of motherhood. 

A journey of sacrifice, tears, laughter, anger, joy, and unadulterated love.

She took motherhood with stride, not knowing what was next, nor what to do with this new life she was now charged with. Yet she bore it asking for nothing in return and sacrificing her own desires for the sake of providing me with a beautiful life. 

Although she remembers a lot of mistakes and what she could have done better, I see it a different way. 

Everything she has done from my conception has made me into the person I am today. Who she is has seeped through and mirrored onto me. 

I am strong-minded because she is strong minded. 

I speak out because she is honest.
I am bold because she is bold

I settle for nothing because she strives for excellence. 

I care because she cares for me. 

I listen because she listens.

I know what I am worth because she tells me every day how much I am worth to her. 

I love because she loves with every portion of herself. 

I live because she chose sacrifice over comfort. 

I am alive because she prays every day for my protection.

My mother is an incredible human being. Although I sometimes forget, I am constantly reminded of the immense strength my mother has. 

In a few months, I will be leaving. Embarking on a new journey across an ocean and once again, with my new journey, another starts with my mother. 

It will be a difficult one for me and for her. We both know it. Yet she remains strong for me. When I begin to doubt myself and my future, she is the one to stamp them out and remind me that there is nothing to be afraid of. Never once has she fed into my doubts even though she knows that she could persuade me to stay. 

My mother is a beaming symbol of motherhood: strength, prayer, sacrifice and, most importantly, love.

I hope this mother's day, you reflect on the immensity of motherhood and what your own mother has done. 

I know I will. :)

Till Next Time... 

Cross the Threshold...

Adulthood.

Land of full-time jobs, benefits, vacation time and 401ks.

Housed within a fortress of mile high, steel walls. 

Guarded by employers fending off the inexperiences.

Meanwhile, those with connections inside, are flown in via helicopter or smuggled in through the holes in the wall. 

That may be an exaggeration but that's exactly what it feels like. I know many people who are in my situation, who desire consistency and an ample salary to do the things we all need to do. 

I have grown weary of the retail world and I want to regain the humanity years of retail has stolen from me. I want to wake up and not dread my job. I want to be happy and work and make a living. Is that too much to ask? 

Apparently so...

In May, school will send me information and before long I will be flying away to Europe, passport and visa in hand. With it fast approaching, I have begun to really really think about what I want from my life. 

I want to be happy and to quit wasting my time with things I don't even care about. I want to write. I want to love my job. I want to make a difference. I want to help people. I am sick and tired of feeling trapped by my work experience. 

I want someone to see my potential and drive. I want to be respected. I want to be taught. I want to be loved. I want to prove to people that I am not what I seem. I want to cross the threshold into the unknown and pave the way for others to follow suit. 

I am bold. 

I am impassioned. 

I am driven.

I am me. 

I am capable of doing anything.

I just have to find a way to make people see it. I must make them have no other choice but to see it. 

European Adventure: Part One

Happy Tuesday! 

So it happened. 

I finally went to Europe. 

Just to be able to say that is remarkable and I can hardly believe it's true. I feel like I've been living a dream the past two weeks. Well...really I have! I've just woken up whilst being home and realising that it could be a permanent reality with school fast approaching. 

I kept a sort of diary during my travels and I thought it would be cool to share portions of it on my blog. It will be done in parts because my trip was quite long and I don't want to type a twelve page dissertation haha! 

Anyways, I'll get on with it. 

(In Raleigh...)

Sitting in my room before heading to the airport, all my bags are packed...

At the gate! Smells like airport. It's always interesting looking at everyone at the gates. Such a diverse grouping. I love the fact that you don't really know everyone's final destination. 

I'm constantly praying but it's for the silliest thing: my bags. This is the first time I have checked my bags for a flight and I am praying that they make it to Dublin safely. I've already taken precautions but I never know! 

I can't believe I'm going to Europe and that by this time tomorrow I will be halfway across an ocean heading to Ireland. Very surreal. Becca is so excited! She's planning all these secret things...

This morning was a little rough. I knew I would cry sometime today but there was something about seeing my mom this morning and bidding her goodbye that made me cry. This is a dream come true. Really cheesy but it is. I am going to a place that before now, I only dreamed and read about. 

My daddy is so funny. I know he doesn't like getting up early in the morning which made seeing his sleepy face in my doorway even more hilarious. We talked the whole way to the airport. Mostly about how he hopes my flights go well and that he hopes I get a good seat on the plane...

I can't wait to see my uncle in Chicago! I have an immense layover and he's being so gracious and showing me about the city. I haven't seen him in ages! ...

(In Chicago...)

My day in Chicago was so excellent! I got to spend most of my day with my uncle and it was so fun talking with him and everything. I am currently sitting at the gate waiting to board my flight to Dublin. I'm kind of in shock. I think this is an acute case of out-of-body syndrome or something. I need to process...

That was all I wrote for the day but when I landed, which was technically the second day of my holiday, Becca and Stephen whisked me away and showed me so much of Dublin. We first went to Stephen's house where I changed and met his younger brother. Then we headed off to Dundrum to this giant mall. There we *ahem* spent a substantial amount of currency on clothes. Afterwards, we went straightaway into town. I couldn't tell you all the streets we went down (I think it was Dame Street and a few others) but there was so much to entertain. Little coffeeshops down alleys and long thoroughfares of shops. Tons of people and great weather abounded as well. Towards the evening, we went to a restaurant called Crackbird and once I actually tasted the chicken, I understood why it was thusly named. It's literally the best chicken I have ever put into my mouth. Honestly. If you ever find yourself in Dublin, go to Crackbird. Please. You will not be disappointed. It'll change your life. 

After dinner, we headed off to Becca's, where I was staying. There I met her housemates and by the time the day came to a close, it was nearly one in the morning. Becca and Stephen had successfully kept me up all day so when I hit the pillow, there was no waking up until the proper time. Fair play to them both! 

The next day, which would be day three, Becca and I hit the town! We started off going to Butler's Chocolate shop to get some hot chocolate which was by far the tastiest hot chocolate I have tasted. Next we headed to Hodges Figgis which is a bookstore in Dublin. Three floors of gorgeous books from all around the world and I was just in heaven. From there, we headed to St. Stephen's Green Park. The park is enormous. Becca and I took the opportunity to take loads of photos and stalk the geese, ducks and swans that populated the park's lovely ponds. Becca and I continued to paint the town red going to tons of shops including Brown Thomas, a luxury department store similar to Harrods.

We began our evening with crepes at Lemon and wine before heading to Becca's friend, Stef's house for dinner with another one of her friends, Aisling. 

It was such a fantastic couple of days and my next post will continue with my trip to London! 

Till Next Time...

P.S. Part one photos from the trip are HERE! Part two photos from London are HERE!

An Offer...

I still get chills when I think about it.

I got an offer from Kingston University. I'll be moving to England in September.

I never thought I would be able to say that but it's true! AHHHHHHH! I'm practically bursting with unadulterated joy!

I keep replaying that day in my head. I got the email from UCAS that there was a change to my application and I flipped as always when I get a UCAS email. I went to try and access it but I had my personal ID number saved on Anderson (my laptop...don't judge me..)! So I soldiered through my shift at work and finally was able to leave and make my way home.

The whole way, I kept thinking over scenarios. "What if it's not an offer? What if they just want to verify my address?" "What if it is an offer?" "What if I didn't get in?"

That last one was the worst.

I mulled everything over and prepared myself. I don't remember praying about it but I know my heart was.

As I walked up to my house, I stopped and said out loud to myself, "No matter what happens from this, this is not over. I will go to England and I will live out my dream."

And that was that.

I walked into my house with a new confidence, marched to Anderson and pulled up UCAS Track.

And there it was.

Kingston University --- Unconditional 

For those who are American or are unfamiliar with the way UCAS applications work, the universities send you offers to the programme that you apply to. I applied to Kingston for journalism so the journalism department was the one who would make the decision whether to offer me a place at the university. There are 3 kinds of offers that can be made: unconditional, conditional, or no offer. An unconditional offer means that I do not have to fulfill any extra requirements for a place at the university.

I was give an unconditional offer.

And I was ELATED.

For the next hour, I went through sporadic bouts of tears, laughter, and disbelief. Needless to say, I made sure everyone knew about it and I haven't shut up about it since! Every time I think about it, I thank God because honestly, He's the only reason I got a place.

I even got an email from someone telling me that on my academics alone, I probably wouldn't have been offered a place. Well, he didn't say it in those words but he said that my grades were lower than what they usually accept but because of the personal statement that I made, he was willing to reconsider.

Completely a God thing and I am in awe of His favour.

I love that the personal statement that cut me off from applying to other universities was one of the deciding factors in getting me an offer. Crazy!

Now I have to figure out what the next step is. It's so early to begin doing everything because the Fall 2012 term has pretty much just started! Haha I was expecting to hear something around March but this is unprecedented. God not only has granted me a place at this university but a buttload of time.

Seeing God work in my life in such a way is so encouraging. It makes me want to trust Him more because things keep happening that are completely above me. Since He has given me this place, I know He will provide the other things that are needed to get me there. Money being paramount haha

For the first time in quite a while, I am not afraid. I am not nervous. I am confident. I know God's got this and I am very willing to allow Him to take the reins on this one. :)

Continue to pray for me through this process! Although September is a long way off, I still need to be wise about the time that is spent as well as the money that is spent! My shopping spree days have been shelved and now is the time to baten down the hatches and push forward!

Also I start my new job at The Limited today so wish me luck!! :)

Till Next Time...