A Couple Spiels Equals A Long(ish) Update

I'm a very bad blogger.
Very bad.
I'm sorry reader people.

Anyways, if you have been following me on any part of social media, you know that the semester is over!  It's actually been over for weeks but I've been...okay, I've been lazy but I have an excuse. The week that school ended was the week that I suddenly received an influx of hours at the Starbucks. The next week after that, Dad started a new job! In Cary. Well, he's training elsewhere but it's not at North Hills so that meant that I had to get inventive on how I was getting to work. This brings me to the most wonderful part of not having a car: public transportation! More specifically, busses. *insert sarcastic 'yay'* Since this is not the Tri-state area (New York/New Jersey/Pennsylvania for all you southern people), it means that the public transportation system  is awful in every sense of the word. The bus that runs from my house to North Hills runs hourly. Which means if I have to be at work at 9 am, in order to get there on time, I must wake up at 7:30 am to get ready and be at the stop by 8:15 when it takes off. Then I have to pray that it's not late. Does not make for a very happy Steven.

And let's not even start with 'bus people'. I think I could write for ages all the ridiculous things I've seen in the past few weeks...

The short of that long spiel was to say that I've been really busy and frustrated.

Relying on outside things to make my life function properly is getting old. I can just feel the pressure building in my head and my heart. I'm hoping when I explode all of my anger and frustration, it won't be on a family member because that never ends well.

In other news, I love my job at Starbucks! Everyone is great, the customers are fairly nice and the job is challenging which is interesting but it's what I need. Also, tips every week. Praise the Lord. Financially, I've never been better. I'm on the road to recovery since my bout with the department store.....
In case you were wondering (or in case you weren't wondering...), I'm still working at Old Navy; much less than before but still. Things are actually improving there so I'm going to stick around until it gets bad or until my schedule no longer permits aka when school starts in August.

Speaking of school, I've never been more bored than the past couple of weeks. When I'm not at work or hanging out with friends, I'm sitting in my room on my computer for all hours of the day. It's unhealthy. Literally. I think I've gained like 5 pounds sitting here.
I would love to say that I've been sitting at this computer writing my heart out but that is only half true. Mostly I've been on Facebook/Twitter/Tumblr/Pinterest/YouTube/Hulu/StumbleUpon.
Not healthy at all.
Seriously, I'm going to need to find something productive to do before I end up shaving my head simply because I was bored.
....Okay that was an extreme but I would really like something constructive to do this summer besides shop.

Speaking of shopping, LifeCity just bought themselves a keyboard! This means that I can finally play at the church I attend! Yay!
I actually played on Sunday and it was so refreshing to be up and playing songs and...AH! It was great. Wonderful even. But this also means that I'll be stepping up and actually lead things. The Wednesday before last I actually led songs for my missional community.
Like, by myself.
Singing included.
That's never happened for me and it was awesome to be able to do that. I feel honoured that LifeCity would even trust me to do something like that. I was telling one of my friends that if I were still at Journey, I'm pretty sure I would have never had the opportunity to lead worship songs as far as singing is concerned. This is yet another sign that I made the right move. I told God, after trying to do vocals for the Journey worship team and failing, that if He wanted me to sing, He would have to make it happen. And He did! I'm so stoked about what God's going to do next with LifeCity and how I fit into the plan :)

Alrighty! Well that was a fun update! A little scattered but whatevs :)
I promise there will be a more focused blog soon.
Seriously.

Continue to pray for me as you see fit. I greatly appreciate it!

Till Next Time....

The First Time & The Last Time...

Alright blogosphere, hold on to your aprons, this could get messy.

I'm going to talk about "race". Not the intellectualized, buttered up and broadcasted view of race, but race from my perspective and life experience.

Let me preface this by saying that this post was brought on by a wildly offensive text I received a couple of days ago questioning the reasoning behind my delving into my past on Ancestry.com. I have since forgiven this person but my patience has been reached and the damage has been done.

However, just to make sure we're getting everything, let's start at the beginning.

I am of mixed heritage. My father is African-American and my mother is Puerto Rican. I identify as a Puerto Rican man. Not black. I love my father and he loves me. He knows that I identify as Puerto Rican and is fine with it. In fact, he encourages it.

All my life I have dreaded the question, "So, what are you?" knowing that they were implying, "What race are you?"
All my life I have felt the overwhelming need to correct people when they call me "black" or the need to explain myself when I call myself Puerto Rican. Yes, when people ask what race I am, I tell them "Puerto Rican." I put it on every legal document. Job application. Even those dumb Facebook surveys.
I do this not because I'm denying a part of myself.
Not because I don't want to be black but because that's how I was raised. My parents collectively raised me to identify with the Latino heritage and I made the conscious choice to identify as Latino when I got older. Being Puerto Rican is all I know.

Ironically, the subject of my heritage has gotten worse as I've gotten older. Some people (yes, that's plural) have even had the nerve to correct me when I told them I was Puerto Rican.

What?!?

When did it become acceptable in American society to question someone when they tell another person their heritage? Let me be very clear, no one has the right to question my own heritage. The fact that someone would even try and correct me is asinine and illogical. Who gave anyone the right to plaster a label on me and file me with a select few people they know? I refuse to just take a number and join the rest of the people you've color categorized in your own mind.

My favourite is, "why do you dress so white?"

Oh that one just kills me for many reasons. One, you are implying that because my skin is darker that I should dress a specific way. Two, you are implying that I shouldn't be wearing the clothes I'm wearing. Three, you are have openly revealed that in your head, there are groups of people and these people wear certain things, say certain things and do certain things. Also, that because I do not fit your set notion of people, that I am wrong.

Isn't that grand? And people wonder why I don't like people...

Let's get one thing straight: the fact that I don't fit into someone's narrow, uncultured view of the world is thrilling. It means that I'm doing something right :)

Now let me clarify, I'm not writing this on my blog because I desire attention or to start something up. I am writing this as the first and the last. This is the first time I have openly addressed race (more specifically my heritage) and will be the last time.

I refuse to explain myself any longer and I refuse to answer the question, "so what are you?" because it is irrelevant.
Is knowing my heritage going to make you want to talk to me more/less?
Is knowing my heritage going to reveal a great mystery?
Is knowing my heritage going to make you want to get to know me more/less?
Is knowing my heritage going to make me more/less attractive?

If the answer is "no" to any of those questions then stop asking, "so what are you?" You might actually be on the road to being one of the few decent people in this country.
If your answer is "yes" to any of those questions then you really need to take a hard look at the way you view people.

As for me?

I am not a label.

Go color code someone else.

Till Next Time...

Where I Am...

Lately I've been trying to measure where I am.

Not like my physical location, but my state of being.

There has been quite a lot of changes that have happened over the past couple of months and it's in these moments that I like to try and make sure I'm keeping track of everything.

All things considered, I'm in a good place! I haven't been overtly stressed, school is manageable, work is work and my family is in a good place.

For the first time in quite a while, I'm genuinely happy. It's weird to say because many times I feel like things are just whirling about me but I'm at peace. I truly believe that this is God's handiwork. Only God could have given me such peace and this all stems from trusting Him. Like I've said a billion times, I've been training myself to keep remembering that God is sovereign. Anything He does is for my good and in trusting that, I will have peace!

This is probably the first time in my entire life that I've actually begun to truly trust God that He will take care of me and not just say it. I think it started with my decision to jump aboard the LifeCity train actually. That kind of move was the catalyst that got me off my rear and start walking in the faith I say I possess. I expected it to be hard and it was at first. But God, in His mercy, has given me such a peace. I'm just going to enjoy this while I can and allow it to strengthen me to continue to trust God in everything.

On another note, Easter is approaching quickly! I'm not exaggerating when I say it snuck up on me. It really did and I feel so unprepared lol However, I'm excited to go through this weekend keeping in mind Christ's sacrifice that allowed me and billions of people to have life beyond the carnal. He defeated death by dying and paved the way to eternal life through Him! I think that's cause for epic celebration ;) Speaking of celebrating, I'm excited to be with my LifeCity family for our first Easter together! It's going to be wonderful, refreshing and countless other dazzling adjectives :) I'll be praying that you keep your thoughts on Christ and rejoice with the Church! "Christ is risen from the dead, we are one with Him again..."

Oh! Before I forget, I've been listening to Christy Nockels' new album "Into the Glorious" practically non-stop since it was released. It's so worshipful. You can tell that these are her prayers to the Lord and not just songs for an album. She has meditated on these, it has taken root in her and it's reflected in the passion she has in her voice. SO amazing. Goodness gracious. God bless Christy Nockels and her brilliant musical prowess. haha! So if you want to get saved all over again, I recommend downloading it. It's like 10 buckaroos. Not a lot at all.

If you don't get it, I'll just assume you don't want to be saved or you don't love Jesus... :P haha!

Till Next Time...

P.S. How do you like the new layout? Cool huh? :)

Say/Do

Last week, LifeCity started meeting during the week as a missional community. Now, if you don't know what missional community is all about, essentially it is a group of about 15 to 20 people who gather for the specific purpose to grow in their walk with Christ and to reach out to people in their communities. It's really beautiful and worth a look-see. (*SEE BOTTOM!*) Anyways, we talked about the church and what it means to "be the church" and not "go to church". There is this idea that people "go to church" which is actually incorrect theology. We are the church. Everywhere we go, we are the church.

This got me thinking about the church, the mission of the church, our responsibility as the church and a bunch of other things. I was super quiet in our meeting simply because I was processing through all this information and drawing connections and getting a better understanding. But now I'm ready to talk! Now, to preface, I'm not a Bible scholar (surprise!). I'm simply seeing and responding to what I see.

I feel like the church as a whole is kind of going through a bit of reform of sorts. We've gotten so accustomed to saying, "we're going to church guys!" that we've kind of lost track of what we're actually doing. Some of us know that we're saying, "we are the church, we're just going to a building" but, thankfully, people don't know what we are thinking! We, as the church, cannot continue to go around saying, "we're going to church" simply because people who are not in the church begin to foster an incorrect ideology that the church is a building and not a body of people. They are, in essence, being deceived and therefore changing any type of idea they had about the church. We, as the church, need to say what we mean and not just expect people to just know. This extends all ways of life but this is most essential in the church. I feel like the church as a whole is needing to backpedal and say, "hey, we're sorry for saying this. We actually meant to say this," to billions of people. And if you think we don't, just ask someone what they think about the church. Chances are that you're not going to get nice answers and the word that might surface is the word hypocrisy because the church is saying one thing and doing another.

This change of thought is what is going to revive the church. Saying that, "we are the church" is a manner of ownership. We are taking responsibility over our faith and challenging ourselves in the process to be the face of the church because, I mean, we are. Every where we go. Everyone we talk to. We are direct representations of the church as a whole whether it is fair or not. People who have no idea of the church are watching what you do at every moment and they will judge the church as a whole based on what you do. Yes, that is a great burden to bear but what a beautiful burden it is! Jesus, by calling you to be apart of His family, is essentially saying, "I trust you to represent my church everywhere you go. I have confidence in you to carry My Name well."

I get chills when I think about that.


This is what it means to be an ambassador for Christ. And as ambassadors, we have a responsibility that if we see a need, we shouldn't need to send them to a pastor or an elder, we should gladly move forward and help fulfill the need. This reminds me when the disciples sent the sick to Jesus not realizing that the same power that rested in Christ also rested within them.

Can you imagine if they came to that realization? Imagine the impact.

Now apply that to today.

Do you see?

I think people are actually kind of terrified by saying, "we are the church" otherwise we would jump to the opportunity to say it. By saying, "I am the church" we're are slapping a spotlight on our lives and suddenly everything counts. Our lives suddenly have a standard to live up to and people are afraid to embark on that. And I'm no exception! I think it's terrifying to think that my life as a whole is a direct representation of how people perceive the church. But I mean, that's small compared to the fact that Christ gave His entire life for us. The very least He is requiring of us is to live right and reflect His transformation in our lives. I mean, really...

Goodness, the more I think about the church and our role in the world and our responsibility the more I come to more realizations of Jesus' view of the church. It's a beautiful think to think about.

So that's my two-cents! I would love to hear what people think about this subject.

Till Next Time...

**If you wanted to know more about missional community, there's an awesome video that I was shown that shows it in action. It's about 15 minutes long but it's worth every bit of your time. Missional Community

The Path of Most Resistance...

Where to start!

So the Passion: White Flag album came out about a week ago and 1. it has been on consistently since the release and the soundtrack to work & 2. it has been reminding me about everything that went on during Passion. During that week, God was just so big to me! Seeing thousands of people gathered for the Lord is proof enough that He is working. Knowing that, I'm comparing to where I am now post-Passion, post the experience, post-Passion high. God has me in transition. He is moving me from a season to a new season and it's great! And God is still big! Even bigger now that I am in a place where I need to trust Him and I need to lean on Him. God has to be big. Bigger than anything I can conceive. And He is! :)

That being said, I have to report that there have been no meltdowns since leaving Journey! Yay! There were, however, many tears on my last Sunday. So. many. tears. But this is a good thing. I was talking to my friend the other day and just telling her that I'm expecting it to be difficult. So when things are difficult, I know that it's because I'm moving in the right direction. Growth does not come about without pain and difficultly. I think a lot of people don't think about that. They want to grow in Christ but the minute they feel some resistance, they stop and ask God to take away their pain. In that moment I can just imagine God being like, "what are you expecting me to do?!?"

Darby actually spoke about this at Refuel last Wednesday. He said, "when we take away trials and struggles, we take away the avenue of growth." And this is true in every instance. I believe he likened growth to weight lifting. There's going to be resistance there. It's going to be uncomfortable and painful but pressing on will yield growth.

Anyways, that was a bit of a rabbit trail but it needed to be addressed. :) So transitioning! Yes. It's going great. I've finally begun to let myself be happy and excited about being at LifeCity. Before, I felt a little hesitant about voicing my happiness to a group of my friends who knew I was leaving and were sad about it. But now, I'm allowing myself to be excited! I shouldn't have to squelch my joy. God is doing amazing things which calls for excitement and joy!

I'm looking forward to meeting with my missional community group next week and hopefully starting to play in a worship capacity soon! I've missed playing music and worship is my passion. Being away from it has made me a little antsy haha But I've been reminding myself of something that has been my rock when things get a little wonky. I remind myself of God's sovereignty. Anything He does is for my good even when it doesn't look how I expect it to look. He has my best interest in mind and I have no place to question God's methods :) It has been working because I'm not stressing as much and I've just been at peace with things going on around me :)

Also, there's a song from the Passion album that is pretty much my anthem. Helps with the "not stressing as much" :) Take a listen and just let it be your prayer. It's pretty amazing. :)

You Revive Me

Till Next Time...